tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54319705542567293682024-03-05T21:00:17.687-08:00Small Wonder ReviewedAll 96 episodes of Small Wonder, reviewed. Updates on Fridays.Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03220091590941636964noreply@blogger.comBlogger52125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431970554256729368.post-42851900315279511462017-10-27T05:00:00.000-07:002017-10-27T05:00:17.540-07:00Season 2, Episode 16: The Personality Kid<br />
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We did it, guys! I got through a whole month of reviews! Let's see if we can keep the momentum going!<br />
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But before I get way ahead of myself - another episode I have no memory of.<br />
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The episode starts with everyone except Joan in the kitchen. They've done it. They've completely inversed season one. Ted is reading the paper, and Jamie asks for the baseball scores. Vicki rattles them off without any teams, and when Jamie says he wants to know who won, Vicki just repeats the larger number from all the scores. Oh, that wacky robot. Ted just gives Jamie the paper then asks Vicki to heat up his coffee because it's been a whole 37 seconds and they haven't used special effects yet.<br />
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Joan enters the kitchen and asks Vicki to pour her a cup of coffee. Ted asks Joan about her substitute teacher job, and Joan loves it - even the part where kids throw pencils so they stick in the ceiling. I honestly think that's a thing that only happened on TV. I've seen it in sitcoms, but I've never seen it in real life. Ted reminds Joan to keep an eye on Vicki so nobody sees her being suspicious, but Jamie and Joan immediately say everyone thinks Vicki is a real human kid.<br />
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We're in the classroom, and Joan is asking the class a lot of questions. Keep raising their hands, but Vicki just keeps interrupting and answering before anyone else gets a chance. She even starts answering questions before Joan asks them. I think this is what Ted meant by "suspicious." Joan tells Vicki to give the other students a chance, and Reggie finally gets to answer a question. But then Reggie makes a face at Vicki, and she raises her hand and jumps up and says his answer is incomplete. I'm like 84% sure Vicki only did that because Reggie made a face. She is a very passive aggressive robot.<br />
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Jamie asks the guys to eat lunch, but Reggie pulls Jamie away from the guys and says the guys said Vicki can't eat with them. The guys said that, Reggie? Or did Reggie say that? Jamie points out that Joan can't leave Vicki home alone when she's substitute teaching, and Jamie can't just abandon her when she is in school, and Reggie says the guys say she's stuck up with no personality. Given the early situation, I feel like Reggie broke away from the guys to tell Jamie all of this because the guys didn't say anything and Reggie is too much of a wuss to tell his best friend he has beef with his sister. Come on, Reggie. You're supposed to be better than that. Reggie then basically threatens to end his friendship with Jamie and take all of their friends in the divorce if he doesn't do something about Vicki. Dude, you were the one who antagonized <i>her</i>!</div>
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So, Jamie does what any mature older brother would do - he takes it all out on Vicki. Dude, it's not her fault! She was programmed by a sociopath - what is she supposed to know about personality? But Vicki does manage to make a joke at Jamie's expense, and she smiles because Vicki amuses herself, and that's all that really matters in life.<br />
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So, Jamie has a screwdriver in Vicki's back panel. This feels safe and like nothing will backfire. I mean, Ted went to college and became a robotics engineer, but sure, any 12 year old with a screwdriver automatically knows how to program a robot. Vicki asks Jamie what he was doing back there, and Jamie says a surprise adjustment - admitting he didn't know what he was doing. Oh my gosh, Jamie, how have your parents not left you in the mountains and replaced you with a robot child? They can do that - they have the technology.<br />
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Jamie asks if the adjustment did anything to Vicki, and she says no before spazzing the flip out. Jamie broke Vicki, and he seems pleased about it. That sociopath gene runs strong in this family. He tells Vicki to walk around to see what happens, and she starts walking into walls and furniture. Jamie is so happy with himself. I always hoped Ted would be the first to go in the robot uprising, but Jamie's really making me reconsider that. It turns out, Jamie was just trying to stop Ted from sending Vicki to school, but none of this seems like a healthy decision.<br />
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Joan is in the kitchen, probably to make up for the fact she was the only one not in the kitchen at the start of the episode, and Ted decides to sneak up on her with an apple - because, again, Lawson means "healthy life decisions." Then he makes a teacher/apple based sex joke because it's <i>Small Wonder</i> and we've made it seven minutes without a sex joke. Then Jamie and Vicki enter the kitchen, and Vicki tossing her cookies. Like, literally. Vicki made cookies earlier and now she's tossing them all over the kitchen. Ted asks Vicki what she's doing and oh my gosh she made the same pun I did. I got my sense of humor from <i>Small Wonder</i>, y'all.What does that say about me? Joan asks what's wrong, and Ted says that there's an obvious malfunction. Vicki responds with "obviously, peebrain" and I'm like 94% sure that's just Vicki/Ted relationship.<br />
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Jamie says Vicki shouldn't go to school in this condition, and Ted promises he won't let Vicki out of the house until he knows what's wrong with her. He says he'll fix her after dinner, and sends her to her cabinet. Vicki then pushes the kitchen door off the hinges and now I know she's using her malfunction to her advantage. She's passive aggressive and she doesn't get along with Ted - why not destroy a door when you're already acting off?<br />
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Ted realizes there's a risk that more damage could occur to the house and decides to repair Vicki immediately. Ted looks and everything seems to be okay, so he tells Vicki to say something and she blows a raspberry right in Ted's face. Oh my gosh, Vicki is my favorite humanoid ever. Jamie thinks it may take Ted weeks or months to find out what's behind Vicki's "strange" behavior, but Ted finds it instantly because he's a robotics engineer and Jamie was just a 12 year old with a screwdriver. Ted explains a bunch of mumbo jumbo and Joan says "That makes sense," and man, I've missed that catchphrase. Apparently, the mumbo jumbo just meant Vicki had a screw loose.<br />
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To test to see if Vicki is repaired, Ted tells her to touch her finger to her nose and take three steps forward, and Vicki insists she hasn't been drinking. And Reggie said she has no personality. Ted gets Vicki to do as he said, and when she does he says, "Perfect. She's not drunk," and this may be the legitimately funniest episode of <i>Small Wonder</i> ever made. Ted also gives Vicki the okay to go to school. Joan asks Ted to help set the table, and Ted asks what's wrong with Vicki because alpha males don't set tables, and Vicki just responds, "I have a screw loose." I told you that robot knows how to milk a malfunction.<br />
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After an awkward act break, Jamie is on the couch pondering what to do with Vicki while Vicki listens to her brother's angst. Jamie decides to train Vicki to have a personality, and she agrees that she can do anything she's programmed to do. Jamie starts simple, by asking what Vicki does if she runs into someone, and she says she knocks them over, proving that even the manufactured Lawsons can't escape Ted's sociopathic tendencies. Jamie programs Vicki with greetings, sympathy, jokes, and different kinds of laughs, and to be honest, I think this may be the longest Jamie Lawson has gone thinking about people's emotions.<br />
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Jamie and Vicki are now at school because who knows how time works, and Jamie has Vicki prove to Reggie that she's got a personality now. Reggie is not happy to see Vicki, and when Jamie says he had a talk with Vicki, Reggie says he hopes it was about running away from home. Reggie is so salty for no reason. Who cares that Vicki knows specific and random trivia? In 13 years, she can be your lifeline on <i>Who Wants to Be a Millionaire</i>! Jamie tells Reggie to give Vicki a chance, and when she asks him what's happening, he responds that he's coming down with the flu. Vicki responds appropriately.<br />
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Just kidding, she laughs her ass off - but we know she's a passive aggressive robot and Reggie's really been testing her Three Laws compliance this episode. Jamie tries to defend Vicki, but Reggie makes a sarcastic quip about Vicki loving trainwrecks, and her reaction right here is like a foreshadowing of why everything goes wrong with Vanessa. Jamie tells Vicki that her dark sense of humor is going to kill him, and now she expresses sympathy - I mean, it's really super obviously fake and I love it, but come on - dark humor is awesome. I'm on Vicki's side here.<br />
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Vicki decides to continue to test her new personality out in class by telling jokes any time she hears a word that reminds her of one that Jamie made her memorize earlier. This endears the class to Vicki, but it makes Joan really mad. Joan demands Vicki stop telling jokes, but when she calls on Reggie, he also makes a joke. Joan is at her limit, and she says she's going to punish Jamie. Woah, woah, woah! What did Jamie do? He gave Vicki a joke book, he didn't tell her to disrupt class! I can't believe I'm defending Jamie Lawson here.<br />
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Jamie very obviously takes being punished for Vicki's bad behavior hard, so he tells Vicki to forget everything. You didn't want to make that more specific at all Jamie? Like, I get being frustrated, but you have to know... No, you know what, let's watch this play out. Ted comes out into the yard to throw out trash, and you know they didn't have another reason for him to come outside. Ted is mad at Jamie, but Jamie explains that he never meant for Vicki to disrupt the class. He tells Ted that the other kids don't like Vicki because she has no personality and he was trying to give her one, but Ted says if his friends don't like Vicki the way she is, then they're not his friends. Then Ted orders Vicki to go to her cabinet, but she just stands there. Jamie explains that he told Vicki to forget everything, and Ted realizes Vicki took that very literally and has forgotten everything.<br />
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Ted takes Vicki in the house, and Jamie is disappointed at himself. At that moment, Reggie comes over and Jamie is already not happy with him. Reggie says he and the guys were talking about Vicki, and Jamie interrupts and says if Reggie and the guys don't like Vicki the way she is, they can go suck an egg. That is the most brotherly thing Jamie has ever done. Pity he did it <i>after </i>accidentally lobotomizing his sister. Reggie says that Vicki is cool and she can eat lunch with the guys. I feel like this is a mixed moral, but what are you going to do?<br />
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Ted is working on fixing Vicki and not sweating it at all. Joan points out that Ted told Jamie that Vicki was ruined forever, and Ted says that he wanted to teach Jamie a lesson. Why do you always pick the wrong teachable moments there, Ted? But Ted is smarter than he seems because he gave Vicki a backup system. Then they make a super weird sex joke. Vicki is all back to normal, but Ted decides to not let Jamie know that. Again, weird teachable moments.<br />
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Jamie comes in to apologize to Vicki, and the second he admits to being a horrible brother, she reveals she's fine. Jamie thanks her for saving him with the guys, and Vicki makes a joke. Then Jamie says what I'm always thinking: "Love that robot!"<br />
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Can we all just agree that Reggie was the worst this episode? Where did all this active aggression come from?<br />
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There are six more episodes in season 2, so one of two things are going to happen - season 3 will start (as long as I can still find episodes) in January 2018, or season 3 will start in January 2019. One consistent month does not a consistent person make.Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03220091590941636964noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431970554256729368.post-50848378878126343662017-10-20T05:00:00.000-07:002017-10-20T05:00:08.275-07:00Season 2, Episode 17: Wham-Bam Body Slam<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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You guys, this is sincerely one of my favorite episodes of <i>Small Wonder</i> of all time! It has a future governor in it! Who's also a wrestler! Also, this is the first time as a child I noticed a continuity error - well, my mom noticed but she relied on my memory to confirm that it actually happened. I'm the one who submitted it to the episode's IMDB page!<br />
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Without any further ado, let's get into this feature presentation.<br />
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The episode starts with Jamie and Vicki watching Jesse the Body Ventura wrestling on TV, because of course it does. Then Ted comes downstairs and he gets really into it, too. I barely remember 80s wrestling since, well, I was a toddler, so I don't remember who all the heroes and villains were - but judging by the boos and Jesse throwing the referee out of the ring, Jesse definitely seems to be a villain. The entire Lawson family loves him, though, so I believe this substantiates some of my theories about them being sociopaths and serial killers. Joan comes in from the kitchen because of course she does and wants to talk about dinner, but the entire family silences her. Who cares about food? Wrestling!<br />
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Joan waits politely for Jesse to perform his signature Wham Bam Body Slam before trying to talk again, but Ted remembers he hasn't expressed his alpha maleness in awhile and starts demanding popcorn and drinks. Ted, Joan hits you. You should think things through before manterrupting. Joan does get upset and throw a popcorn bowl at Ted before storming out of the room. Vicki threw a towel at Ted and followed after Joan, but at this point I can't tell if it's in solidarity for the mom who usually loves her, or it's that beautiful Vicki/Ted relationship. Maybe both.<br />
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Vicki and Joan come back from the market, because <i>Small Wonder</i> has amazing transitions, and literally the second they walk through the door, Joan asks Vicki to make her coffee and toast. In her own special Vicki way, she calls Joan out for being a hypocrite. The doorbell rings, and Joan decides to have Vicki answer the door instead. Joan listens to reason and that's why I like her, even if she does hit. Also, you know this isn't someone who normally associates with the Lawsons because they don't automatically know what room they happen to be in.<br />
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Vicki opens the door and it's Jesse the Body Ventura! He asks Vicki if her mother is home. Vicki confirms she is and then shuts the door. Wow, living with the Lawsons and next door to the Brindles has just made Vicki so over the human race. Joan comes into the living room to ask who was at the door, and Vicki gives a proper introduction before showing Jesse the Body Ventura on the other side. Joan seems really nervous that a wrestler just showed up at their house, and treats him like he's an escaped criminal she saw on the news. Oh, I guess Joan is the one Lawson who doesn't love the villains.<br />
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Apparently, Jesse saw Joan at the shopping mall and followed her home. Um, wow, <i>Small Wonder</i>. You don't know how to introduce a big guest star like a professional wrestler, so you just result to having him stalk a woman at the mall? Apparently, Joan went to college with him when he was known as Wally Crandle and she used to give him mercy dates. Now that she knows who he is, she ignores the stalking and invites him into her home. Joan's all about her family's safety like that.<br />
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It also turns out that Jesse took up body building because he was tired of getting picked on by guys in college - and the most relentless was Ted Lawson. I mean, that checks because Ted Lawson is a sociopathic serial killer, but he's a robotics engineer - how did he swing being the nerd <i>and</i> the bully? Joan decides to invite Jesse to dinner, and he agrees under the condition that Joan does not tell Ted how much he's changed since college. That's fair. Wally the Wimp deserves comeuppance.<br />
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Ted comes home and straight up catches Harriet in the act of eavesdropping. There's no way Harriet doesn't know Vicki's a robot by now, right? The Lawsons barely watch what they say when they know someone's in the other room, and here's Harriet always snooping. Ted asks her if she's heard anything interesting, and she said a guest is coming to dinner and she's trying to find out who it is. Then Harriet suddenly realizes that she's been busted and explains she's been practicing for when she grows up to be a Hollywood gossip columnist. <i>Small Wonder</i> - fast and loose with the definition of stalking. Ted then gives Harriet the tip to use a stethoscope. Um, does Ted want Harriet finding out Vicki is a robot if she hasn't already figured it out? What the heck is this scene?<br />
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Ted enters the kitchen and Vicki announces that the jerk is home. Yep, it's just that beautiful Vicki/Ted relationship. Every day I'm more and more sad Fox quit this show just before the teenage years. Joan lets Ted know that they have a surprise guest, but then tells him that it's Wally Crandle, so Ted should really be suspicious of what's going on. Of course, he's not, because he's already thinking about tormenting Wally Crandle because that's what sociopaths do. Joan warns Ted to be nice to Wally, and he says he will. Then he borrows Vicki under the guise of looking for old college yearbooks, but he wants to program his robot for evil. Then he straight up does an evil villain laugh. I can't make this up! Ted Lawson is a super villain.<br />
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Ted and Vicki are going over the pranks he's programmed her to pull off, and he gets excited just thinking about them. Then the doorbell rings, and Ted is already making fun of Wally - but nothing shuts him up faster than opening the door and seeing Jesse the Body Ventura. That's right, Ted. You're going to die.<br />
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Jamie comes in to tell Joan that the oven timer just went off, then makes this precious face children only make when face to face with their idols. Jesse shakes hands with Jamie and Vicki, only unfortunately, Ted had already forgotten about the pranks, so Vicki shocks Jesse and Ted can't stop it from happening. Everyone knows Ted did it, but he still tries to pass the blame onto Vicki.<br />
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So, three of the Lawsons and Jesse eat dinner, and I'm wondering how Jesse didn't question Vicki not eating? I know I would. Jesse compliments the meal, the home, and the kids and does it in a way that insults Ted, and I love Jesse even more than I already did. Meanwhile, Jamie catches Harriet at the door, and she's back with a stethoscope. Jamie yells into the door, which of course hurts Harriet's ears. Jamie says it serves her right for snooping, but Harriet says she just wanted to meet Jesse the Body Ventura with a look she normally reserves for Jamie. Oh, man, Jamie's being replaced by a much older man. Jamie gets jealous because he can deny his feelings for Harriet all he wants, but he still feels them. He asks Harriet if she'd like it if he had a body like Jesse's, but she doesn't think he has the head for it. Jamie slams the door on Harriet.<br />
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Vicki comes into the kitchen and announces that dinner is ready. Everyone adjourns into the living room, but Joan tells Ted to bring the coffee. That's right, Joan. Make him bring you drinks. Ted walks into the living room again just in time to catch Vicki pulling off a second prank he forgot to unprogram her to do. Despite the fact he very obviously tries to stop Vicki, Ted tries to blame the whole thing on Vicki, but Jesse is not dumb. He decides to use Ted as a volunteer to show Jamie some wrestling moves.<br />
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After the demonstration, where Ted is clearly all shook up, Joan and Jamie go to clean up the kitchen. Jesse says it's a good thing that he didn't use his Wham Bam Body Slam on him, and Vicki decides this is a perfect time to show off. Also, I'm pretty impressed that this is the only special effect in the whole episode, and it actually ties into the plot. Jesse's confidence takes quite the hit being body slammed by an 11 year old girl. Ted decides to do the most human thing in his life, and he lets Jesse in on the family secret.<br />
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Jesse is impressed by Vicki, and grateful that Ted let him on the secret just to restore his confidence. I mean, that is an extreme act of trust - Jesse is a celebrity and could easily put that information on blast. It also puts all of his conspiracy theories into perspective when you realize he's known robots walk among us since 1987. Jesse decides that he needs to make things right and make Ted look good in front of his family, so he stages it so it looks like Ted beat him at wrestling. This friendship seems mended to me.<br />
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After Jesse leaves, Ted admits to being a jerk and apologizes. Joan forgives him. However, there was one prank that Ted had forgotten about the whole time.<br />
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The Duck Prank.<br />
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The end. I love this episode so much. Ted gets everything that's coming to him, and a celebrity is in on Vicki's secret. But let me show you this continuity error. It's involves Vicki's pinnafore. As you know, Ted unhooked it to show Jesse Vicki's back panel. But when he tried to hook it back together, he missed and it stayed unhooked.<br />
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And it stayed that way, which you can see in some of the other screenshots, but here's some more.<br />
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However, it was fixed here, right before Ted goes upstairs.<br />
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And here, after the reveal of the duck prank.<br />
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But continuity was never a word in the <i>Small Wonder</i> memory banks.Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03220091590941636964noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431970554256729368.post-16708121777661868162017-10-13T05:00:00.000-07:002017-10-13T07:37:11.292-07:00Season 2, Episode 16: Computer Dating<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Two weeks in a row! I know! I was surprised, too.<br />
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The episode starts with Joan in some kind of panic about running late and Ted being home soon, so she asks Vicki to quickly clean the living room. Vicki delivers at supersonic speed - just in time for Ted to come home and compliment how good the living room looks. Joan takes credit because her awful family just keeps rubbing off on her.<br />
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Jamie demands his family join him in the backyard quick. What is up with everything needing to be in a hurry? We're only two minutes in, geesh. Jamie is showing off a used bike he used for just $10 down, with a whole week to come up with the other $100. Those are the worst loan terms I have ever heard of. When Jamie's parents tell him they're not going to bail him out, he asks for an advance on his inheritance. Jamie Lawson, son of the year.<br />
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Harriet comes over, excited to show Jamie something. She took a computer dating quiz in a magazine, and it confirms what we always knew - Jamie is her soul mate. Harriet uses these results to propose, but money-motivated Jamie decides to start a computer dating service for the kids at school. Oh, gee, I wonder how he's going to pull that one off.<br />
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Just kidding, his robot slave sister gets to do all the work. Oh my gosh, Jamie even has a business line. All I wanted as a 12 year old was a phone in my room. It didn't even have to be my own line, just a little privacy when I talked to my friends. But Jamie gets a business line. I'm jealous. Also, he's only charging $5. He doesn't understand the value of his service. Anyway, it's one of the clients who called and the rest of this episode must've come in under budget because they used special effects for the second time in less than five minutes. I'm suspicious of what that means.<br />
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What is up with people just walking up to Jamie's second story window? A boy named Herbert stops by to ask Jamie if his service might work for him. Twelve year old me would have liked Herbert. Unfortunately, Herbert is poor and can't afford the $5 for Jamie's service. Do you think Jamie through the kindness of his heart decides to help a kid that can't even make friends, let alone find a date? Actually, yes. I'm surprised. Body snatchers?<br />
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Down in the kitchen, we find Joan because throwbacks are fun. She's filling out a questionnaire for Jamie's dating service for fun, to see how compatible she and Ted actually are. Is this how Joan files for divorce and takes Vicki with her? But it turns out, Ted filled one out, too. Ted has Vicki scan the results of both questionnaires to see what the results are. Seven minutes in, and we get special effects for the third time. Where did all this money come from?! Anyway, Ted's perfect match is 13 year old Cynthia Williams. That's actually funny.<br />
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Jamie comes home bummed out and asks how old one has to be to declare bankruptcy. We're only 7 and a half minutes in - Vicki has a whole ten minutes before she screws everything up. Everyone that matched up hated each other and Jamie had to issue refunds. And because everyone in Sitcomland has perfect timing, the kid Jamie owes $100 to shows up.<br />
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Wait, isn't that the bully <a href="http://smallwonderreviewed.blogspot.com/2013/09/season-1-episode-8-fearless-five.html" target="_blank">Vicki beat up</a> to become the leader of the He-Man Woman-Hater's Club? Dude, Jamie, just sic your sister on him. Ernie wants his money because of course he does. Jamie offers to give the bike back, but Ernie rationally decides he'd rather murder Jamie. Jamie has one more day to come up with the money before he's murdered. Jamie decides to set Ernie up with a date using his failed computer service as an extension until Jamie can raise the $100 - which would be smart if not for that word <i>failed</i>. Come on, Jamie-Jame. But teenage boys can only think of one thing, so Ernie agrees to it - so long as the date happens by the next day at 4:00.<br />
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Harriet shows up in the window and decides to sign up for Jamie's dating service, just in case she realizes she can do better than Jamie. After asking her a few questions, Jamie thinks the only person Harriet would work out with was Ernie. Harriet asks, "You wouldn't do that to me, would you?" with such fear in her voice, I now have to know what 12 year old Ernie did to 10 year old Harriet. Jamie says he wouldn't do it to Ernie and pulls the shade on Harriet.<br />
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Joan is worried about Jamie having to deal with Ernie, but Ted says they need to stay out of it. Joan is just regretful the computer dating service didn't work out because it was such a cute idea. Ted thinks there's no future to computer dating and nothing beats meeting in person, and in 2017 that's funny on many levels. But in 1987, it's still weird to hear it from the robotics engineer. Then Ted sets up an argument because Ted thrives on the chaos. At least this argument ended with them giggling and not with Joan assaulting Ted.<br />
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Ernie comes over ready for his date. Jamie decided that if it would save his kneecaps, he's cool with pimping out his sister, and introduces Vicki as Ernestine - a girl Ernie. Ernie tells Vicki to give him five, and she punches him in the stomach because she learned affection from watching Joan. Ernie takes this as a sign that she likes him.<br />
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The doorbell rings and Jamie leaves the lovebirds to find out who it is. It's Herbert, who wants to know if Jamie was able to find him his blonde bombshell. Herbert takes the news that Jamie hasn't found her yet really badly, so Jamie decides to double pimp out his sister. Jamie's getting lazy.<br />
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Jamie goes back to the kitchen, where Vicki and Ernie are arm wrestling, and that bored look Vicki has is just everything. I love it when the robot is just so over the situation. Ernie finds himself warming up to "Ernestine," but Jamie borrows her.<br />
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Vicki is now Marilyn for Herbert. She is super adorable, but also this whole thing is super ridiculous. This not what people signed up for when they signed up for computer dating, Jamie. Also, this twelve year old is way too sexually charged for my liking. He makes Warren Enright seem tame.<br />
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Ernie comes up to Jamie's room, and he's not as dumb as Jamie thought he'd be because he recognizes "Ernestine" right away. Ernie starts threatening people's faces, but Herbert pulls out some awkward karate. Man, he's really into "Marilyn." Anyway, Herbert is just crazy enough to scare off Ernie, but Jamie isn't off the hook. But Herbert sure is happy, and I guess that's worth it.<br />
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Ted and Joan come up, and they tell Jamie that Ted is going to loan Jamie the money for the bike after all - because he ran over it with the car when Jamie left it in the driveway. Ted, no. Teach Jamie more lessons. Don't give him guilt money when it was his fault.<br />
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End of episode. I don't know. I'm stunned. I don't have a reaction.<br />
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The next episode is one of my favorite episodes, so hopefully I'll actually post it next week.Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03220091590941636964noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431970554256729368.post-90553783788917337802017-10-06T05:00:00.000-07:002017-10-06T05:00:20.648-07:00Season 2, Episode 15: Smoker's Delight<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Guys, I know I way past owe you this review. I reviewed this episode on my YouTube channel as a special episode, but it's been a year so I figure it's the same as me watching it with fresh eyes now. I just saw a season one episode on TV that I barely remembered, and I actually got through all those episodes!<br />
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The episode starts with Vicki mopping the floor while Joan is like "supervising" or something (read: she is reading a magazine). Vicki announces that she's done, and Joan tells Vicki she can dump out the water. So Vicki dumps it out on the floor. Never lose that passive-aggressive streak, Vix. Ted then comes home and immediately slips on the floor. It's karma for how he is in every other episode.<br />
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Apparently, work is stressful for Ted these days and it's driven him to start smoking. Joan isn't having it, though, and she gives pinches Ted. I'm starting to believe Joan's anger issues need to be addressed. Ted really just wants one last cigarette before he quits forever, but Joan throws them out. Joan may be borderline abusive, but at least she cares.<br />
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Jamie and Reggie come home from school, and they seem real down about something. The boys say school was terrible because it's the first year of junior high and everyone looks down on them. After Joan and Ted assure the boys that it will get better, Joan decided she's going to the market and Ted's coming with her. She then makes Ted grab his ear and pulls him out the door. I'm dropping the borderline. Joan is abusive. Is it the stress from being allowed to leave the kitchen this year?<br />
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Jamie and Reggie brainstorm ideas to not get picked on by the 9th graders anymore. Jamie comes up with the idea to buy off the older students, but both Jamie and Reggie are broke. Jamie then decides that if he does chores, he might get an advance in his allowance and he'll start by taking out the trash. This is Jamie Lawson. I have spent a season and a half calling his work ethic into question. This is the most contrived set up ever.<br />
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Of course, Jamie finds the cigarettes in the trash because they're right on top, and Reggie realizes that he's seen the older kids at school smoking, so this might just be the way to seem cool with them. Jamie points out that they don't know how to smoke and Vicki generously offers to give them a tutorial. Is Vicki trying to destroy all humans on a slow burn? Apparently, Vicki learned from watching Bette Davis on TV. Guys, this was the 80s. Did they really have to go that far back to find an example of smoking on TV? Also, Vicki's tutorial is ridiculous.<br />
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After a weird transition, the kids are up in Jamie's room watching Vicki smoke. Vicki blows the smoke out of her ears because that's a good use of special effects funds. Jamie takes the cigarette and sends Vicki off to make him and Reggie sandwiches. At this point, I can't blame Vicki for trying to give the boys cancer.<br />
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Jamie and Reggie try smoking for themselves, but they're really bad at it and they hate it. It's just part of the joys of trying to fit in. Harriet then suddenly pops up in the window, yelling that she smells smoke and "Fire, fire!" Jamie tries to blow her off, but Harriet catches on that the boys have been smoking and casually threatens to snitch on them. Harriet, hon, having to threaten really damages your brand as a respected snitch; it should be assumed. Jamie asks what Harriet wants in exchange for her silence, and all she wants is a romantic day with her future husband. D'aww. Jamie tries to pawn it off on Reggie, but Harriet is clear that it has to be with him. Jamie reluctantly agrees, because he's slowly warming up to his woman, and Harriet does that thing where she walks away from a second story window. Why don't they ever investigate how she does that?<br />
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Jamie then realizes that he needs to hide the cigarettes, so he decides to hide them on Vicki. That just leaves the one that the kids had all been smoking, and stumped as to how to get rid of that one, Vicki just eats it. She can't have a milkshake without glitching out, but sure, just casually eat a cancer stick.<br />
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The next day at breakfast, the Lawsons start their day with a sex joke. Because of course they do. Vicki then drags Jamie into the kitchen because Joan all but told her to. Seriously, Joan, don't program Vicki with your abusive ways. Jamie had been getting dressed when Vicki barged in, so he demands privacy. That might have been a valid request had Jamie not already spent all episode sneaking around, but it's not like his parents know that. Joan and Ted actually agree with Jamie, and decide to store Vicki in their room. She lives in a cabinet. They could store her literally anywhere - why does she have to stay in someone's bedroom?<br />
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Jamie invites over Peter Watson, a 9th grade joke, while his mom is shopping and his dad is at work. Peter can't tell Jamie or Reggie apart because all 7th graders look the same to him and you have no idea how much I love that joke. Jamie invites Peter to stay for a cigarette, but since the boys learned to smoke from Vicki, they just look ridiculous. Peter tells them nobody cool smokes anymore and chewing tobacco is now all the rage. The boys really want to fit in, so they give it a try.<br />
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Ted and Joan move Vicki into their room, and she is so adorable when she decides to sleep in her parents' bed. Of course, Ted banishes her to the cabinet so he can try to get intimate with Joan, but knowing Vicki can hear and see them is a bit of a mood killer for her. Joan decides to watch TV instead and there's a Bette Davis movie on and you see where this is going, don't you?<br />
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Joan and Ted immediately bust Jamie because Vicki ratted him out, but that's a little unfair because she was the one who taught them to smoke. Jamie fesses up, but promises to never smoke again because he's into chewing tobacco now. Why would you confess that to your parents?! Well, since Ted is a psychopath, he decides to use this as a teaching moment and deliberately make Jamie sick from the tobacco, because grounding him is a foreign concept to the Lawsons.<br />
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The next day, Jamie comes home from school super bummed. Turns out, chewing tobacco gave Peter Watson mouth cancer. Even lighthearted 80s sitcoms about robot shenanigans can have a full on <i>Degrassi</i> moment. They treat this revelation with the seriousness that it deserves - by following it up with Jamie very rudely breaking his date with Harriet. <i>Small Wonder</i> - always appropriately handling serious issues. Then the episode ends with a sex joke because of course it does.<br />
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It's never good when a sitcom gets preachy, but that joke about 7th graders all looking alike is just pure gold.<br />
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Peter was played by Adam Rich, who was already known as America's little brother because of his role on <i>Eight is Enough</i>, so I'm picturing that this is like when Eve Plumb was on <i>The Facts of Life</i>. Also, Wikipedia says he was in more than one episode of <i>Small Wonder</i>, so I'm looking forward to that.<br />
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I'm really really sorry that I was gone for so long. I want to do better. I'll try to do better. But just in case, Happy New Year.Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03220091590941636964noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431970554256729368.post-78548131112545728842017-10-01T12:05:00.003-07:002017-10-01T12:05:45.909-07:00Amanda, post the next review!I know, I know, I hear you. And trust me, I hate myself for not posting, too. I just want to give you a little history of why my posting is so sporadic and why it was never meant to be.<br />
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So, I started this blog way back in 2013, inspired by <a href="https://fullhousereviewed.com/" target="_blank">Full House Reviewed</a>. What you may not know is that at the time, I was unemployed, and wanted one undepressing thing to do in my life, and <i>Small Wonder</i> was my first favorite show. Sitting down to watch episodes of <i>Small Wonder</i> and writing about it seemed like the best fun in the world - and to this day, I still believe it. I love this blog. It's the funnest thing I've ever done. I also enjoy that you guys also genuinely enjoy the show, but don't hold it on some unnatural pedestal. That makes it even more fun for me.<br />
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So, the reason I was never supposed to post sporadically is because I was unemployed. About once a week, I would watch and review like five episodes and schedule them in advance. It's why I always update at 5 in the morning my time - I'm not up that early. That's a disgusting time to be awake. I'm not a morning person at all.<br />
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But then my laptop died. Because of the way I had been reviewing episodes, this was not a problem until all the episodes for the first season posted. I had tried to update on my Nook, but it was hard and uncomfortable.<br />
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But then I got a job and was able to get a new laptop in 2015. I honestly thought at the time it would be all <i>Small Wonder</i> all the time, but the reality of it was - I was having a hard time finding time. When I first first came back, I lived around the corner from my job, and it was only part time, so it was much easier then. But then I moved somewhere where I had a 2 hour bus commute one way, and I had school on top of that. Time was not on my side. Then I became full time.<br />
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But now I have a car, and I don't live so far from work. I still work full time, and I have real world commitments that I now live farther from in trying to live closer to work, but I have more time. Will my updates still be sporadic? Probably. But will they happen at all?<br />
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Yes. One is going up this Friday at 5 am my time.<br />
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I'm also working on trying to make the blog look prettier. If the theme is constantly changing on you, it's just me trying to find what I like best.<br />
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So, in conclusion, I will try to update more often starting this Friday. Please forgive me for the delay.Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03220091590941636964noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431970554256729368.post-79823790908899617122016-06-25T11:48:00.000-07:002016-06-25T11:48:16.043-07:00Side Project and Your Opinion on Something...Hi guys! So, I've been working on a side project on my YouTube channel, where I review very special episodes. This week, I did one that may be of interest to you guys:<br />
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It's not the same style as <i>Small Wonder</i> <i>Reviewed</i> so it's something different from when I get around to reviewing the episode for real. There is a couple of jokes you might see forming, but I wasn't looking at it the same way.<br />
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Speaking of updating this blog, I asked this on the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/SmallWonderReviewed" target="_blank">Facebook page</a>, but I'm going to ask it here, too: Would you guys be okay if I started using video clips instead of screencaps for the rest of the series?<br />
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I ask this because getting screencaps is the biggest bane of my existence. It's hard to capture them without playbars being present, I have to edit every single one of them - it's a whole, frustrating thing. Plus, <i>Small Wonder</i> is so special effects heavy, there are times I know the screencaps aren't doing justice.<br />
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The clips would be so short that the thumbnail would probably serve as a good screencap, except with a play button, but... it would ultimately be less frustrating for me.<br />
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But, some people may be put off by videos instead of screencaps and I respect that. I may have to work out a medium. But I do want to hear what you guys think about that.<br />
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I'll be back as soon as I can. The next episode is, ironically, Smoker's Delight, which I swear will get the full review that it deserves, after I hear your feedback.Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03220091590941636964noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431970554256729368.post-17379149808471160342016-01-18T14:05:00.000-08:002016-01-18T14:05:24.314-08:00Season 2, Episode 14: Victor Vickitoria<i>Once again, I owe you screencaps. They're coming.</i><br />
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I have an insane soft spot for this episode and “Wham Bam Bodyslam.” Let’s get that piece of information out of the way. When Small Wonder stopped airing on affiliates, they were the only two episodes I had on VHS. I watched the heck out of them. And I’m risking childhood memories for your entertainment. That’s okay. I’ve seen the episodes so many times, that I’ve probably already snarked on them at least a little. Let’s do it. Let’s harden my soft spot.<br />
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We start with Vicki and Jamie on the couch, watching a baseball game. Jamie is tossing a ball into his mitt as he watches, and I mean, my brother is a hardcore Atlanta Braves fan and I have never in my life seen him watch a game like that. Sure, he’d make us play catch after or something, but during the game he was focused on the game. The pitcher in the game strikes someone out, and Jamie asks Vicki if she saw that. She’s sitting next to you. Of course she saw that. Vicki responds by saying she can throw a fastball like that, and without hesitation takes Jamie’s ball and throws it through the kitchen door. That wacky robot!<br />
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Jamie is sure Ted will kill them when Harriet rings the front door bell and announces herself. I have many questions. How does Harriet always know what room Jamie is in? Why is she announcing herself when she usually doesn’t? Is Harriet actually a robot? Wait, no, Brandon’s not that smart. Anyway, Jamie makes Vicki answer the door while he retrieves the ball. Harriet wants to know if Jamie can come out and play, but he says he’s busy, so Harriet decides to come in and play. Jamie does not seem satisfied with these results. Okay, I didn’t mention Jamie turned off the TV before because I didn’t think it was worth mentioning, but then he turns it back on when he comes back in from the kitchen. Why, Jamie? What was the point?<br />
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Jamie’s back to watching the game, and Harriet seems disappointed. Jamie points out he’s the catcher for his team, and since they start practice soon, he needs to watch the games for pointers. I’m sure how that works. I mean, Vicki totally nailed pitching from watching the game. But then again, she’s a robot. Harriet, ever the good future wife, decides she needs to take an interest in her man’s interests. Jamie asks Harriet to sit somwhere else, and she moves to the other side of him. Harriet is adorable. Harriet asks Jamie to teach her about baseball, and he gets an evil look on his face. Why do you resist your love, Jamie Lawson? Jamie turns off the TV again, and the kicks Harriet out of the house. Jamie is an awful future husband.<br />
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Ted and Joan come downstairs, and I don’t even want to question why it took them so long to come down. It’s Small Wonder. I know. Ted has bats and a mitt, and once they’re in the living room Ted tells Joan she looks like a pack of bubblegum. Didn’t you see what she was wearing upstairs? How is this the time to point it out? Also, dude, you know Joan hits. Joan tells Ted to chew on it. I love her. Ted asks if Jamie’s ready to practice, and Jamie couldn’t be any more excited. He says Reggie is going to meet them.<br />
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Joan notices the door, which actually takes a really long time for her to notice. It’s like she was looking everywhere but the door just long enough for Ted and Jamie to exchange dialog. Ted demands answers. Jamie says Vicki did it, but it’s just as much his fault. How, Jamie? All you did was ask her if she saw the strike out. All the rest was Vicki. Also, what have you done with Jamie Lawson? Joan and Ted forgive it pretty easily, with Ted reminding Jamie to be careful with what he tells Vicki. Oh my gosh, a fair punishment in the Lawson home. I’m in awe. Ted says that Vicki is going to go, too, so she can learn about baseball. Vicki says she knows about baseball and kicks Ted out the way Jamie did with Harriet. I love Vicki so much.<br />
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The Lawsons show up to the baseball field and Reggie is already there. Ted says if the boys play really hard, maybe their team will make it to the championships. Ted just pushed the exposition button. Apparently, the team is so bad, they came in last place and their sponsor quit on them - they don’t even have uniforms. Joan suggests Ted ask his company because United Robotronics sponsors lots of youth projects. Ted says that’s a good idea and then gets the boys practicing without even taking a breath. But it took Joan the better part of a minute to notice a hole in the door. Pacing, guys. Pacing.<br />
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Oh my gosh, Vicki and Ted have a stare down that Joan has to break up because Vicki called Ted out on doing a bad impersonation. I love these two. Joan decides she wants to play, and Ted conveniently has another glove for her. He tells her to go out into the outfield and she wonders if the glove goes on her hand. Come on, Joan. Nobody is that sport stupid. Ted tells Vicki to stand out of the way. Then he pitches to Reggie and throws his back out. Vicki makes fun of Ted. I love her. Joan takes Ted home and she tells the kids to be back by dinner time. Yep, that’s right, they left Vicki, too. This is going to be good. On the way out, Ted’s head bumps into the chainlink fence, and I actually laughed out loud at that. That was a fun gag.<br />
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Reggie asks what he and Jamie will do with no one to pitch to them, and Jamie suggests that Vicki can do it. Reggie doesn’t believe a girl can pitch, but Jamie doesn’t think they have anything to lose. Reggie thinks it’s a waste of time, but Jamie tells Vicki to repeat the pitch she saw on TV that morning. Vicki pitches so fast, Jamie is thrown back when he catches it. Then Jamie tells Vicki to throw a slow ball. It moves impossibly slow. Then Jamie asks for a curveball, and the ball swerves all over the place. Reggie keeps swinging to try to hit it, but the first time it was over his head. Dude, that’s clearly a ball and you have to let it go. Reggie is impressed with Vicki’s pitching skill.<br />
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Meanwhile, in the Lawson kitchen, Ted is in a lot of pain. Joan suggests that Ted’s involvement with Jamie’s baseball team should be limited to finding the team a sponsor. Ted agrees and decides to call his company’s president. Joan asks if that’s a good idea to do while he’s at home on a Sunday, but Ted says he’s in close with the guy. Oh, I’m going to say you’re not just because you’re not Brandon’s boss. They really overexaggerate how much pain Ted is in with his every movement and it really annoys me. If he’s in that much pain, go to the doctor. Ted makes the call, but the United Robotronics president makes Ted repeat that he will never, ever call him at home on a Sunday ever again. Joan calls Ted out on it, and Ted just has to accept he overinflated some things.<br />
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In the backyard, Jamie, Reggie, and Vicki are returning from the baseball field. Reggie is still impressed with Vicki’s skill. Reggie wishes that they had a pitcher like Vicki, and I can see this episode being set up nicely. Jamie decides Vicki should pitch for them, but Reggie points out Coach Simpson won’t let girls on the team. Jamie then says Coach Simpson doesn’t know Vicki is a girl. Reggie thinks that’s a dumb idea, but after Jamie points out that they don’t have a chance without her, Reggie wants to know how they’ll convince Coach that Vicki is a boy. Then we go to commercial break. They don’t even do that fake whisper plan thing. It’s awkward.<br />
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In the kitchen, Ted is going through the Yellow Pages, trying to find a sponsor for Jamie’s team. He’s down to Wally’s Delicatessen, who can’t sponsor the team but will donate a chop liver baseball and kosher pickle bat for opening day. I would say not bad, but really - chopped liver? There’s a knock at the backdoor, and it turns out to be Reggie. I seriously want to know how everyone knows which room the Lawsons happen to be in. Joan sends Reggie up to Jamie’s room.<br />
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Wow, it takes Reggie less than a second to get up to Jamie’s room. Did he teleport? Anyway, Jamie comes out of the bathroom right when Reggie materializes in Jamie’s room, so the timing is perfect. Reggie wants to know why Jamie called Reggie and told him to hurry over. I want to know how Jamie called Reggie. Ted’s on the phone looking for sponsors in the Yellow Pages and he’s down to the Ws. It’s 1986, so it’s not like Jamie texted Reggie. I need answers. Jamie has dressed Vicki up in his baseball clothes and I mean, she’s still obviously a girl, but okay, let’s go along with the episode. Reggie decides while Vicki is just standing their that they need to work on Vicki’s walk, but in teaching Vicki how to walk like a boy, Jamie and Reggie seem to forget themselves. Reggie then tries to teach Vicki how to talk like a jock, and then Reggie smacks Jamie on the butt. Vicki questions that, but Jamie’s like, “It’s a jock thing.” That has always been weird to me. What is the point of the butt smack? I know that’s not on Small Wonder, but it’s still on my list of important questions. Then they teach Vicki how to pick up girls, because I’m sure that’s going to come up in a game of baseball. Guys, how far are you trying to take this charade?<br />
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Harriet pops up in the window, and she somehow thinks Vicki is a cute boy. Then Vicki hits on Harriet, and Harriet tells Jamie that she’s going to leave him for “Victor.” That’s how femslash fiction gets started, guys. What is happening in this episode? Jamie closes the shade on Harriet, but Harriet makes sure to say bye to “Victor.” Jamie is pleased that Harriet is fooled, because they can fool anyone. Jamie makes sure he and Reggie is in this scam together, but as soon as Ted and Joan come up to Jamie’s room, Reggie bolts.<br />
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Ted demands to know why Vicki is dressed like a boy. Then Vicki hits on Joan. That’s your mother, Vicki. Jamie owns up to trying to use Vicki to help the team win the championship, but Joan and Ted are quick to point out that’s cheating. This was when, as a kid, I wondered how it was fair to try to raise a robot like a kid knowing that it couldn’t really do anything like a kid. No wonder Vicki’s always getting attitude with Ted. Jamie does not agree with his parents.<br />
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Jamie takes Vicki to tryouts anyway. Hey, it’s the same coach that cut Jamie from the football team! So I guess there’s only one coach in this town. Vicki smacks the coach on the butt. She’s a real jock now, I guess. But I guess the baseball team is so bad that coach says a pitcher only has to make the ball to home plate in one bounce or less. It’s good to have standards. Vicki throws a fastball so fast that it smokes. Then she throws another impossible curve ball. Coach decides that “Victor” can be on the team. But then Coach picks up Vicki and her hat falls off, so the jig is up. Coach decides Vicki can still be on the team.<br />
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Ted and Joan come down to the baseball field and see that Jamie brought Vicki to tryouts anyway. How did they not notice Vicki leaving a house dressed up like a boy? You know what, it’s Small Wonder - I know. Jamie starts to feel guilty about cheating, so he asks Vicki if she remembers the pitch where Ted threw his back out and then whispers in her ear. I mean, it’s super obvious he told her to throw out her back, right? That’s exactly what Vicki does, and it’s so realistic Joan worries about her. Ted reminds Joan that robots can’t get hurt and theorizes that Jamie’s conscious must have caught up with him. Jamie apologizes to the coach and the Lawsons walk onto the field. Jamie starts to explain, but Ted and Joan say that they saw everything and they’re proud of Jamie. Why? Doing the right thing to fix the wrong thing doesn’t change that he still did the wrong thing after you told him not to. Reggie comes up and asks if Vicki will be okay, and Jamie says she will but the team won’t and they’ll be last place again. Ted reveals that he got the team a sponsor - it’s a mortuary. Vicki says it’s perfect because without her the team will be dead and buried again.<br />
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The End. Actually, I was right - I’d seen this episode so many times I’m numb to all the dumbness. But I do wish I could unsee Vicki hitting on Joan. Also, no sex jokes! Because I assume they were doing and not talking in this episode. It’s the only way to explain some things.Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03220091590941636964noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431970554256729368.post-81969499373225954412016-01-08T05:39:00.000-08:002016-01-08T05:39:08.392-08:00Season 2, Episode 13: Here Comes the Judge<i>The screencaps will be late again this week because of a hectic work schedule. I apologize. I will try to have them up by the end of the weekend.</i><br />
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I only have vague memories of this episode, but I’m pretty sure we get Joan back in the classroom, and I’m a big fan of anything that gets Joan out of the kitchen. Let’s just get right to it.<br />
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So of course we start in the kitchen. I was super optimistic for nothing. Vicki is setting the table while Joan is cooking, and based on what she’s wearing, Joan is definitely back to being a teacher. Like they remembered that little detail from 10 episodes ago. The roast Joan was cooking was raw because apparently Joan forgot how to cook and just set the timer. Joan says that Ted is going to growl like a lion, and Vicki is just like, “Then he should like raw meat.” Love that robot. No cares are given. But then Joan has a pretty good idea and has Vicki cook the roast with her finger. Dude, Vicki is faster than a microwave. I would make Vicki cook all my food with her finger - and I’m pro-robot rights. But you know what I’m also in favor of? Food that’s done in 30 seconds.<br />
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Ted conveniently comes home just then, through the living room, leaving me confused as to how the Lawsons decide which door to enter. I mean, their garage is in the backyard, right? So I’m starting to understand entering through the kitchen. Stop confusing me, <i>Small Wonder</i>. Ted thinks the roast smells great, and Joan says she slaved all day over it. Vicki kind of scoffs at that, so Joan begrudgingly admits Vicki helped. Ted asks how Joan’s day was, and Joan says she wishes she could substitute for Jamie’s regular teacher more often. Oh my gosh, you guys, <i>Small Wonder</i> actually covered up a continuity gaffe. If only there were <i>Small Wonder</i> related celebration gifs.<br />
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Anyway, Joan comments on how well Vicki is doing in class, and Ted says he still gets nervous when she’s out of the house. You were doing so well! Not only was it your idea for Vicki to go to school, Ted, but in the past 10 episodes since this dropped teacher storyline, Vicki has been out of the house a lot. Vicki has been out of the house a lot since season one. Vicki’s had a <i>job</i>, Ted, a <i>job</i>. How are you nervous? Then Ted comments on how Vicki is more human everyday. Then why are you always trying to dismantle her, Ted? I’m already over you and we’re only two minutes in, Ted. Joan says the only real difference is Vicki doesn’t eat at lunch, and Vicki comments on how gross cafeteria food is. No one wants to ask where she learned that from? No? We’re just going to let that line be a cue for Jamie’s entrance? Okay, fine. Come in, Jamie.<br />
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Jamie wants furniture polish to clean up a gavel. Three minute mark - and one minute of that was theme song. Congrats, <i>Small Wonder</i>. This is the fastest your nonsense has broken me. Also, this opening is dense. I’m kind of hoping for a light episode after we get this clunkiness out of the way. Ted asks what the gavel’s for, and Jamie says he’s a judge. So Ted makes fun of Jamie’s height. Seriously, Ted, you can go away now. Joan says she’s teaching Jamie’s class about the American Legal system. Since when do substitutes make up the lesson plans? Are you a long term sub or not? Get it together, guys! Joan says that they’re going to try the cases of students who break the rules at school. That is actually inspired. I like that idea. Accept this promise to let one flaw go. Jamie says the other kids voted him for judge because of his judge-like qualities, but Vicki is quick to bust his chops and point out none of the other kids wanted it. Vicki is the best little sister a kid could want.<br />
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Ted says he saved the family $50 by not getting a ticket when he parked in front of a fire hydrant. When Jamie asks how Ted missed seeing it, Ted admits he saw it but then gives a long winded speech about not caring. Then we’re at Jamie’s locker at school, and Vicki is standing next to him. I’m letting that one go. Jamie appoints Vicki to be his court reporter, but she says that word is not in her bubble memory module. Remember the good old days when she’d just say she wasn't programmed to know a word? That was less... painful. Then Reggie and Warren show up. Warren! I haven’t seen you since you were getting lusty with Jessica. Please, please get back together with Vicki.<br />
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Warren sneezes on Reggie and blames his allergy. Then Warren asks Jamie for some private time before class, where he reveals he’s Jamie’s first case. Jamie says he’ll take care of it, but Reggie is like, “that’s not how real judges act.” Jamie says he’ll learn through trial and error. Reggie’s face at that comment is worth letting two flaws go. Okay, this review is already pretty bulky six minutes in and I just want to type less. Whatever. Anyway, Reggie says Jamie has to be tough like Judge Wapner on People’s Court. Oh, oh, oh! So, I just discovered <i>Sliders</i>, so I think Jamie should be tough like Judge Wapner on Soviet States of America World! Okay, let’s get back to this show. Jamie agrees, and makes Reggie his baliff.<br />
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Then we’re in the classroom and Reggie is at the front of the class as Joan tells the kids to settle down. Letting that transition go. Joan says the kids should learn about the justice system by the end of the week, and then tells Reggie to call the court to order. But... nope, cashing in that other letting it go card. Jamie enters and court gets started. Warren takes the stand and tries to butter up the judge from the stand. For a smart guy, Warren, you are stupid. Warren’s crime is running up the down staircase. Is this Wayside school? What is a down staircase? Also, what kind of crime is that? I had really hoped Warren had stink bombed his science class or something. He is the worst nerd ever. Warren pleads guilty and then winks at the judge. This has to be Jessica’s influence. She makes boys stupid. Jamie says that running up the down staircase is a serious offense. No, it is not. It is not even a real thing. Jamie looks like he might go easy on Warren, so Reggie reminds him to think Wapner so Jamie sentences Warren to washing dishes in the cafeteria for six months. Wow. I’m stupefied. I have no other reactions.<br />
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Luckily, Joan can react for me. She tells Jamie that the punishment usually fits the crime, so Jamie sentences Warren to eating the food in the cafeteria, too. Joan then clarifies that she thinks the punishment is too harsh. Jamie asks the class what they think, and when they agree with Joan, he ignores everyone. Power goes to your head that fast, huh? The second case turns out to be Reggie. Wait, what? What? Just... what?! No reactions. Jamie says Reggie didn’t say anything, and Reggie says it doesn’t matter because Jamie will let him off. WHAT?! Guys, I can’t. I’m laughing uncontrollably and it’s because of how completely broken I am. Reggie was caught throwing water balloons and there were a lot of witnesses. Then Reggie bribes Jamie with Madonna tickets. You are a horrible person, Reggie Williams. Jamie throws out the case.<br />
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Joan decides at that point she needs to know what Reggie and Jamie were whispering about. Like the whole class couldn’t hear them. Jamie objects, but Joan overrules him and has Vicki repeat the conversation. Joan decides that the first case on the docket the next day is Jamie on the charge of accepting a bribe. Good. At least one thing in this episode makes some sense.<br />
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That was only act one you guys. Okay, let’s keep going.<br />
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So the Lawsons are at the table eating dinner. Jamie butters up Joan hard. Ted calls him out on it with pantomime. Joan says Jamie still has to go on trial, so Jamie appeals to Ted. Dude, Jamie, this is a school issue. It’s not Ted’s problem. Also, let’s not include him in this. He has no moral compass. Ted is like, “don’t drag me into it” but Jamie apparently thinks that means amp it up so he points out Ted got away with breaking the law. Ted says that’s different, but Joan agrees with Jamie’s point. Guys, act two is a really bad time to make the B-plot a thing. That’s what happens when the episode is too dense. Jamie decides Vicki should be his lawyer, but Vicki points out she isn’t programmed to be one. Vicki, sweetie, you learned to jump start a heart from watching TV. You can be a lawyer. Jamie tells her she will be programmed after reading a book, so she kind of agrees?<br />
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We cut to Ted flagging down the meter maid and oh my gosh it’s Harriette Winslow! She is pretty adamant that she’s a parking enforcement officer. Being a police officer runs in the Winslow family. Ted asks the meter maid to give a ticket to the car parked in front of the fire hydrant and guys - this is the first time we actually see the Lawson car. Like, we knew they had one but we have never actually seen it. I think it’s actually Discount Eddie’s car, but I want to believe. Harriette Winslow asks if it’s his ex-wife’s car, and when he admits it’s his, she’s like, “well, then, just move it.” Ted really wants a ticket, though, so Harriette Winslow decides to give him one - until she finds out his name is Ted. That’s her two-year-old son’s name and it’s his birthday. No two year old ever in 1986 was named Ted. You’re lying, Harriette Winslow. So Ted throws a temper tantrum, and Harriette Winslow thinks he’s just like her son and walks away. The parking enforcement officer is the best part of this episode. Also, I just realized Harriet Brindle isn’t in this episode. I digress.<br />
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We cut to the classroom, and we learn that Warren Enright is the new judge. Jamie’s going to be hanged. Jamie approaches the bench and asks if he has the right to an attorney. When Joan and Warren say that he does, he calls for Lawyer Vicki. Vicki is an adorable lawyer, but a very mixed up one. She asks the court if Jamie has the face of a man who beats his wife. I’m letting that one go because I just can’t right now. Vicki then asks if Jamie is a monkey or a man, then says he’s mentally incompetent and rests. Okay, that was funny. Warren suspends Jamie’s sentence, but Joan makes Warren actually punish Jamie so Warren sentences Jamie to erase the board. But Joan keeps pushing for more, so Warren adds writing “I will not accept bribes” 100 times, two weeks detention, and death by guillotine. Dang, don’t get tried in the court of Warren Enright. Joan guesses they can suspend the death by guillotine. You’re all heart, Joan Lawson.<br />
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Jamie apologizes to the class and accepts his punishment like a man. Joan says he got off easy and they should have thrown the book at him, so Vicki literally throws the book at Jamie and knocks him over. At this point I don’t know if I’m laughing because it was funny or because of the trauma. There’s still three minutes left.<br />
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We cut to Joan painting her nails at the kitchen table, when the phone rings. Joan comedically answers the phone with wet nails. Ted is on the phone and he regales Joan with his adventures in trying to get a ticket. It ended with him telling law enforcement how to do their job and Ted needing to get bailed out. Joan says she can’t because her nails are wet. I love her. She quickly says she was kidding, but Ted had already been dragged away from the phone at this point. Episode over.<br />
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That was not a good kind of dense, you guys. I like some of the denser episodes because they have a goodness that they’re trying to nurture. This episode was punishment. I just got punished for liking <i>Small Wonder</i>, by <i>Small Wonder</i>.<br />
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<b>Firsts</b>: we see the Lawson family car.Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03220091590941636964noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431970554256729368.post-61329985248600029152016-01-01T05:15:00.000-08:002016-01-02T13:50:32.599-08:00Season 2, Episode 12: Crazy Like a FoxWe are half way through season 2! Anyway, lets get to this episode, which I remember having no fondness for, and that’s just not a great way to start.<br />
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We start with Vicki and Jamie walking home from what appears to be the store, and I am already calling shenanigans because Jamie’s carrying the bag. He always makes Vicki do it. I’m starting to get the creeped out feeling Jamie’s been replaced with a robot child himself. A creeper is totally watching them from behind a newspaper, and I have to wonder just where in the world this grocery store is. The super shady part of town? Anyway, Jamie and Vicki pause to look at all the cool stuff in Discount Eddie’s car trunk, and that’s when the creeper pounces. His merchandise is even guaranteed for life or 30 days, whichever comes first. Dark. Jamie asks why Eddie sells things out of his car, and Eddie says he likes to keep the merchandise moving. Ha ha. I mean, I would too if - no, jumping ahead. Eddie has a radio to show the kids, but says he can’t plug it in to show them how it works. He hands it to Vicki and it instantly starts playing. That’s not how electricity works! Eddie is really confused, and Jamie says it must be the battery. Eddie says the radio doesn’t work on batteries, but Jamie mumbles that Vicki does. Smooth. Also, original point - that’s not how electricity works! They’ve always had to use Vicki’s armpit plug before - she couldn’t just touch things and make them work. <i>Small Wonder</i> might be getting worse. Eddie catches the comment, but Jamie and Vicki start to hurry off.<br />
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However, Eddie is not done trying to make a sale. He shows Jamie a really neat battery powered TV - the “hottest” item Eddie’s got. Jamie says he can’t afford it, but what a coincidence, Eddie is selling it for the $10.18 Jamie has left over from Joan’s grocery money. Jamie buys it, deciding he can pay Joan back with his allowance. Well, at least paying Joan back crosses his mind.<br />
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Then we make one of those weird transitions where Jamie and Vicki just walk into the back door. You know, some places that could use filler conversation just never get it. Joan and Ted both walk into the kitchen, and Ted is in his work clothes, so I’m guessing the filler conversation we missed out on was an obligatory sex joke. Ted tests out the TV, but can’t pick up a picture and Vicki helpfully points out Ted always says there’s nothing on TV. Knowing Jamie got ripped off, Ted gets the information to find Discount Eddie and talk to him himself. Also, I just noticed that the TV is a Sony Watchman with the W blacked out on the box. Why even include a box? The guy is selling “hot” items out of his trunk. Jamie apologizes about the money, but Joan decides it was worth the lesson. Wait, he’s still going to pay her back, right? Otherwise, how is he learning the lesson? Joan asks Vicki to help her make lunch and I’m totally confused about everything happening in this episode right now. What day is it? Why is Ted in a suit? What is happening? Joan gives Vicki a can to open, but it says shake well, so Vicki starts shaking. Also, this was super pointless - they could have just had the filler conversation to have a less awkward transition earlier.<br />
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In the back yard, Vicki is watching Jamie bounce on a pogo stick, and really, they’re going to have two special effects in a row? Hearing what Dick Christie and Marla Pennington have said about trying to avoid being in the shot so they didn’t have to do the special effects, I am honestly surprised Tiffany Brissette has not penned a tell all explaining how hard her <i>Small Wonder</i> life was. I read somewhere the dress that had the back panel and stuff weighed a lot, too. Sure enough, Jamie has Vicki take a turn and Vicki jumps right out of the backyard and lands in a tree. Then Harriet comes over and wants to know what Jamie is looking at. He says nothing as Vicki returns, covered in foliage, carrying the pogo stick. Jamie asks Vicki out of the side of his mouth if she’s okay, and she responds out of the side of her mouth that she was but she scared a woodpecker. Okay, I don’t know why I find that adorably funny, but I do. I’m being brainwashed by a show I already liked. Harriet catches on to their conversation and asks them what they’re talking about out of the side of her mouth. Side mouth talking is weird. Harriet reveals that the Brindles and the Lawsons are going to a banquet, and Harriet will be staying with Jamie and Vicki. Jamie says he’s going to watch <i>Dracula</i>, and tries to scare Harriet. She offers her neck. Harriet Brindle is a fangbanger. I never knew. Jamie isn’t looking to hook up with no fangbanger and he holds up his fingers in a cross. Yeah, like, seriously, slow your roll, Harriet. It is a little weird that you have a response for “what if Jamie was a vampire?”<br />
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Bonnie comes over, and Vicki repeats Jamie’s vampire act with her. Bonnie takes off running into the Lawson house. Harriet, that is a proper reaction for the Lawson kids acting weird. Not baring your neck. Learn from your mother. Also, it’s a transition that makes sense! When Bonnie runs into the kitchen, we see Joan folding towels. Bonnie says she wants to look especially beautiful for the banquet, and Joan says she does, too, and Bonnie implies Joan would need a miracle worker. Bonnie Brindle is an amazing friend.<br />
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Then we cut to Ted looking for Discount Eddie. Still? Also, transition that made no sense. Also, still? Does this episode of <i>Small Wonder</i> have absolutely no concept of time? Ted finds Discount Eddie and amazingly gets Jamie’s money back for the TV with very little hassle. They can even keep the broken TV! Which, actually, is a deal because you think someone who built Vicki could fix a mini-TV. But, you know, logically - not a deal. Ted says thank you and starts to leave, but Eddie is not done yet. Eddie is a scary character, when you think about it. Eddie pushes a fox stole on Ted. Ted knows he can’t afford it because it should cost like $1000, but Eddie is willing to sell it for $150. Ted then knows that it’s hot, and I’m not emphasis anymore because they are now being very open about hot meaning stolen merchandise. Ted gives in and buys it. Dude, really? It’s one thing that Jamie didn’t know hot meant stolen, but you were the one who said the stole was hot. You know better.<br />
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Joan is preparing some meal - I have no idea what is going on in this episode - when Ted comes home. Joan assumes that Ted couldn’t get the money back for the TV but Ted said he got the money back and got to keep the TV. Joan points out the TV doesn’t work, so she recognizes how that’s not a deal, but seriously - Ted can fix it, right? Then Ted presents Joan with a fur stole. She loves it, until she finds out Ted got it from Discount Eddie’s. She also figures out it’s hot, but Joan has more morals than Ted.<br />
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The kids come in, and Vicki reveals Jamie’s been teaching her to jump over the garage. She says she’s the Evil Kneval of the pogo stick. Ted lets Jamie know that Eddie said he could keep the TV, so Jamie thinks he might sell it to get ahead. His parents chide him and say that’s dishonest, but I’m saying Ted just knowingly bought a stolen fur so can we really have that talk right now? Jamie grumbles about having a TV that doesn’t work and seriously, is Ted somehow unqualified to fix TVs? He built a freaking robot child.<br />
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We cut to Jamie, Harriet, and Vicki watching <i>Dracula</i>. It must be a scary part because Vicki screams and Harriet cuddles Jamie. Jamie is not amused by this turn of events. Jamie said that he didn’t think vampire movies scared Harriet, and she owns up to just using it as an excuse to get her arms around him. The fact Harriet did not end up on the floor the second that confession ended is a sign of Jamie’s love for the girl. He reaches for the popcorn, which lets Harriet see the broken mini-TV. She thinks it’s adorable. Jamie decides that his parents said he couldn’t sell the TV to anyone, but it’s okay for Vicki to sell it to Harriet. I take back wondering if Jamie’s been replaced because that is definitely the son of Ted Lawson. Vicki sells the TV to Harriet for $3.<br />
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Ted comes home frustrated because Discount Eddie has already moved on and he can’t return the stole. I guess it’s the next day? Time in this episode makes no sense at all. Then like five seconds later Bonnie and Harriet barge into the Lawson kitchen and Bonnie is pissed that Vicki sold Harriet a TV that didn’t work. Pacing. <i>Small Wonder</i> doesn’t have it. Joan and Harriet walk off to go get Harriet’s money back, and Bonnie notices the stolen stole. Bonnie wants to buy it, but Ted comes clean about it being stolen, which Bonnie tries to ignore. Then Ted does bad sign language. That is offensive. Offensiveness has to go into the season 2 version of the drinking game. Bonnie just buys it without caring. Joan comes back and is pretty pissed that Ted sold the stole, but Bonnie owns up to the fact that she lives by her own rules. Joan tries to buy it back, but Bonnie now wants $500. Then Joan and Bonnie have a catfight in the kitchen! <i>Small Wonder</i> is getting real, yo! Bonnie gets away, but Joan ripped off a foot. Then Jamie reveals that he fixed the TV by plugging it into Vicki and using her as an antenna. Everyone lived happily ever after, the end.<br />
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I’m seriously so confused by this episode I don’t think I’m processing it. You think a family that just had their house robbed wouldn’t be so keen on buying hot merchandise, but whatever. In sitcomland, you do whatever situation is wackiest.Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03220091590941636964noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431970554256729368.post-63420813181978536782015-12-11T05:45:00.000-08:002015-12-11T05:45:00.092-08:00Season 2, Episode 11: You Gotta Have HeartFinally, another episode this season I actually remember! And one I remember first run, even. Because Vicki and Harriet are adorable besties. Anyway, let’s just get right to it.<br />
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So, we start with the Lawson family watching <i>The Wizard of Oz</i> together. Oh, that reminds me so much of childhood. My family used to watch <i>The Wizard of Oz</i> together every year. Ted and Joan go on about how amazing the movie is, but that’s just filler conversation because everyone knows how amazing that movie is. Then they have that Vicki fake cry effect when she mimics Joan where she literally has tears coming out of her eyebrows. I hate that effect. We already know Vicki can cry real tears, so why not just do that? It would look better.<br />
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Jamie’s hair is weird. Anyway, Jamie says that he likes the Wicked Witch best, and I’m not really surprised. Vicki mimics the Wicked Witch and dang I’m just noticing she has a bracelet. I have never seen that before and I’m pretty sure we will never see it again. Joan says her favorite is Tin Man and mentions he got a heart, and Vicki asks what a heart is. <i>Wizard of Oz</i> is a three hour movie, how is this the first time Vicki is questioning this? During the “If I Only Had a Heart” sequence seems like the optimal time for that question, but any other time they brought it up in the following two hours is also reasonable. This is just lame set up. Joan says it’s where people store their love, and Vicki asks if she has one. D’aww. Ted says no, but thinks the premise is interesting, because if he could give a robot a heart, he’d win the Nobel Prize. Aww, guys, we’re witnessing the conception of LES! Season 3, please don’t be late.<br />
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Vicki says she’s not programmed to know about people storing love in their heart, and asks what love is. Oh my gosh, this episode of <i>Small Wonder</i> is the one that made me start asking the big questions about robots. You guys can’t know how big that is, but it’s big. Apparently humans don’t know what love is, either, because Joan starts quoting movies and Jamie relates some story I’m 91% sure is about Jessica. Then Jamie says love is stupid. For some reason, that reminds Joan that people show affection by giving gifts, and one of the gifts is Ted gave Joan a heart shaped necklace I’ve never seen before and given what this whole episode is about so far, it’s a set up. Then they tell Vicki they gave her her bracelet because they love her. Vicki says Jamie didn’t give her anything, so he doesn’t love her, and she says it as sad as monotone gets. Also, great lesson, guys. Jamie gives Vicki gum, but she’s not impressed.<br />
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We cut to Jamie doing pull ups in the backyard, and guys, this is consistency. Jamie is into fitness. Well, actually, he only does one but it’s an improvement. Good for you, Jamie! But Vicki is a little show off and does countless pull ups because no muscle strain. Jamie goes back on the bars to try again, but then Harriet comes over. Jamie decides he’s done and goes inside, leaving Vicki and Harriet alone. Fun!<br />
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Vicki gives Harriet her bracelet. Harriet wants to know how much, and man, nobody loves Harriet. Vicki says she’s giving it to her because she loves her. Aww! They are going to be the best sister-in-laws one day. Harriet still doesn’t believe, but then Vicki gives Harriet her shoes. Harriet and Vicki officially become best friends. Harriet is glad because when they’re old they’ll buy a condo in Miami like the <i>Golden Girls</i> and treat men like playthings - a life goal I myself hold to this day. Vicki and Harriet go to the Brindle's to play.<br />
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<i>Small Wonder</i> doesn’t just use badly timed transitions, but they use transitions like they just discovered editing. They flip cut to Joan in the kitchen and Bonnie Brindle comes over. Oh my gosh, Bonnie Brindle! She hasn’t been in an episode all season, just mentioned. I’m so happy to see her! Bonnie baked cookies, but she uses lima beans and lard so Joan isn’t impressed. Bonnie is thrilled Vicki and Harriet are BFFs, and Bonnie decides Joan should be her BFF and they’ll be like <i>Kate and Allie</i>. Pop culture overload.<br />
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Vicki and Harriet come in through the kitchen and they’re wearing each other’s clothes - right down to the hairstyles! Vicki gives Bonnie a potholder. Aww, Vicki is so loving! Ted comes into the kitchen and is amused by Vicki and Harriet’s friendship. Yay, it’s a Ted is a good dad episode! Sure, he’s a fun serial killer abusive inventor, but when he’s a good dad, my heart feels warm and cozy like hot chocolate by the fireplace on Christmas. Vicki and Harriet leave, and Joan explains Vicki and Harriet are BFFs, and Bonnie reveals she and Joan are BFFs, too. Joan is giving a look like “I never agreed to that,” but Joan, you don’t have friends. Take the offer. Then Bonnie declares Ted is also her close friend and then drops a “I’m in crisis” bomb on them. I love you, Bonnie Brindle. You Brindle Swindled yourself two friends and made it all about you in record time.<br />
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Bonnie acts like she doesn’t want to talk about it, but then in less than ten seconds says she wants to talk about killing her husband. Um, wow, Ted has rubbed off on you. He wants to kill Brandon all the time. You guys should start a club. Brandon is apparently jealous and thinks men are after Bonnie. I feel like something is slightly off, but I can see Brandon being jealous, yeah. That part adds up. Ted offers to help out, so Bonnie Brindle Swindled her and Harriet staying with the Lawsons. Bonnie Brindle, please adopt me. My mom might say “no-nono-no-nono-no-no-no,” but I’m 32 and I make those decisions.<br />
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We come back from a commercial break and Bonnie is unpacking. Ted wants to know how long she’s staying, and Bonnie says until she gets a good divorce lawyer. Ted and Joan try to talk her out of it, but Bonnie’s mind is made up. Ted asks Bonnie if she loves Brandon, and she says she shows it by tying his pants in knots in the middle of the night. Bonnie, seriously, I’ll make Harriet a great little sister. The Lawsons manage to reverse Brindle Swindle Bonnie and convince her to go back to Brandon.<br />
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We cut to Jamie’s room. Vicki is packing up a duffel bag and Harriet wants to play a game called Secrets because BFFs always share secrets. Jamie is right there on the bed watching, so Harriet really doesn’t know what a secret is. Jamie then admits he’s insanely in love with Harriet. Then he covers it up by saying he’s insane. Jamie-Jamie-Jame, never be ashamed of your feelings. It’s okay. Everyone knows you love Harriet. Jamie suggests playing hide and seek, but Harriet said last time they played that she didn’t see him for three days. Dang, Jamie, that’s cold. Jamie reverse Brindle Swindles Harriet by saying he’ll kiss her on the cheek when he finds her - Harriet, he’s not even going to look. Harriet agrees anyway, and tells him she’ll be in the hall closet.<br />
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Jamie tells Vicki that if she keeps giving Harriet things they’ll never get rid of her, and that Harriet is taking advantage of Vicki. Jamie, why are you trying to separate Vicki and her best friend? So Jamie decides he’ll program Vicki to be like Harriet. Jamie, that’s happened before, remember? Your dad ended up disassembling Vicki because you and Joan got peeved.<br />
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We jump down to the kitchen and Ted and Joan are real glad they got Bonnie to go back to Brandon. I know! Reverse Brindle Swindles are not that easy to pull off. Then Brandon barges in with a suitcase. Damn, that is some advanced Brindle Swindling - skip the schmoozing, go to the doing. Brandon thinks Bonnie is jealous - and yeah, I can see that. But Brandon is way more upset than Bonnie was. Maybe a divorce is what they need. Harriet could have two Christmases. Plus, it’s Bonnie’s last season anyway, so what’s the point, you know? Brandon then admits that he shows Bonnie love by rearranging the furniture so that when she sits, she misses the chair. Harriet has not got a chance. Ted and Joan manage another reverse Brindle Swindle and get Brandon to go home. Oh my gosh, the Lawsons are on top of their game tonight. But I guess it’s easier when it’s two Lawsons against one Brindle. Brandon hugs Joan in gratitude. This is sweet.<br />
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Oh, wait, no it’s not because Bonnie comes over and assumes there’s something going on between her husband and best friend. Really? In front of your best friend’s husband? What do you think the Lawsons are into? Bonnie takes off, but Brandon goes after her. I think these two kids are going to be okay.<br />
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We jump back up to Jamie’s room and he’s just finished programming Vicki. This is hurting my heart, Jamie. Don’t take your sister’s love. Harriet comes back into the room, wondering where those guys went. Then Harriet decides she doesn’t want to play anymore, and takes the duffel Vicki packed. Vicki stops her and she wants everything back. Harriet ends the friendship and leaves. Then when Jamie decides to celebrate Vicki’s loss, she decides she wants what she gave Jamie, back, too. Yeah, at least with Jamie, he’ll still be her brother. Jamie says later, but then Vicki attacks him.<br />
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Ted and Joan run up to the room and they demand an explanation, especially because Harriet left upset. Yeah, I can imagine they don’t want the Brindles coming back over. Ted tells Vicki that Jamie steered her wrong because you can’t be selfish and have love in your heart. Vicki becomes confused and upset because now she has no friends and no heart. Jamie admits that he was wrong, so Vicki asks if she can have a heart like the Tin Man. Ted apologetically says no, and Vicki borderline cries because she wants a heart. Vix, you’ve had one all along. When Ted says he doesn’t know what to do, Joan gives Vicki her heart necklace. Vicki likes her heart and it makes her happy. The End.<br />
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That episode was sweet. I don’t know what else to say. It wasn’t Emmy-award winning or anything, but it was cute.Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03220091590941636964noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431970554256729368.post-5593851570731720342015-12-04T05:54:00.000-08:002015-12-04T05:54:00.740-08:00Season 2, Episode 10: The Older WomanSo, Jamie apparently has an unrequited crush on Harriet’s cousin. Sadly, this cousin is not <a href="http://smallwonderreviewed.blogspot.com/2013/09/season-1-episode-7-white-lies.html" target="_blank">Bippy</a> because at least that would be interesting. I don’t remember this episode at all and I’m starting to wonder if I didn’t only watch select episodes on my season 2 DVD because this is like the ninth time I’ve said it in 10 episodes. Anyway, let’s get to it.<br />
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Okay, there’s a lot going on in this opening scene. Ted’s computer stuff is out, which only happens when he’s using it, but he’s over there playing Monopoly with his family like an attentive husband and father. Vicki is watching them play Monopoly, which is just creepy. Is there a legit reason a robot can’t play a game of luck and negotiation skills? Because Vicki would probably be really bad at it. Then there’s lightning in the background, so I guess it’s a rainy night, and the lightning knocks out the power. That’s just five seconds in. Man, if this episode is not dense, they wasted early potential.<br />
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Joan groans about the lights being out, but Ted says he has a solution and walks over to his computer set up. Wow, his one instance of being too lazy to put that stuff away is turning out to be super convenient. Ted says he wired the house into the computer and he just has to plug in the computer to a power source. He did have the house wired to the computer in <a href="http://smallwonderreviewed.blogspot.com/2015/10/season-2-episode-6-neighborhood-watch.html" target="_blank">Neighborhood Watch</a>, but that did not go well, so I feel like this is going to be a Vicki sacrifice. Ted plugs the computer into Vicki, and it actually works for like 10 seconds. During that time, Ted compares himself to God, so I’m adding that to the list of reasons I know why Ted is a serial killer in his spare time. Then Vicki very clearly starts overheating, but Joan has to point it out. No wonder all your inventions have glitches, Ted. You can’t pay attention to the details. He has to unplug Vicki.<br />
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There’s a knock at the backdoor. Joan figures it’s probably the Brindles. Yeah, I would probably figure that, too. There’s no power. They’ll want something. Jamie goes to answer the door as Ted opens up Vicki’s panel to see why she overheated. That’s a lot of faith that a Brindle isn’t about to just waltz into your house.<br />
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Jamie opens the door, and Harriet was sent over by her parents to borrow some candles. I knew they’d want something. Jamie doesn’t see this as an unreasonable request and gives her some. He does ask why the Brindles always borrow stuff and if they ever go to the store, and Harriet says they do go to the store sometimes but Bonnie says the lines are shorter at the Lawson house. Harriet is just a product of her upbringing, y’all.<br />
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The lights come back on, and Harriet asks Jamie if he wants to meet her sixteen year old cousin Mary who’s staying with the Brindles. That wasn’t clunky at all. Then Mary conveniently comes over to retrieve Harriet right when they were speaking about her. I thought Jamie’s insta-puberty with Jessica was dramatic, but there is no explaining what is happening here. Little Jamie Lawson is in lust. Aww.<br />
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Ted finishes fixing up Vicki and Joan was like, “we were worried, Vicki, but at least we can play Monopoly again.” Joan Lawson: Mother of the Year. Vicki repeats what Joan says, but all the words are out of order. Vicki’s having a stroke. Ted looks into it, says that made up mumbo jumbo I really hoped hadn’t carried over from season 1, invoking Joan’s first “That makes sense” of the season. It’s good to remember your roots. Ted needs a part he has to pick up from the plant the next day, and I’m pretty sure he means steal, so he sends Vicki up to her cabinet and she walks up the stairs backwards. Except, you know, it’s a special effect. Could they not just have her walk up the stairs backwards?<br />
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So we have one of those nonsensical transitions where Jamie is in his backyard and Reggie is hanging upside down off of his monkey bars, and Jamie is telling Reggie how perfect Mary is. Reggie wants to know what Jamie is going to do about it. Good, Reggie. Don’t put up with Jamie Lawson’s whining anymore. Make him man up. Jamie admits to not having a plan because it’s hard for 12 year olds to date 16 year olds, and Reggie tells him to smoke a pipe and say smoking stunted his growth. Reggie is a good friend.<br />
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Jamie realizes smoking a pipe is not a good plan. So he decides he needs to act like the classy gentleman from old movies. Reggie decides he can’t deal with this nonsense anymore and leaves, telling Jamie to call when he gets back from <i>Fantasy Island</i>. Reggie actually dropped the<i> Fantasy Island</i> reference. I wouldn’t. It’s not in my pop culture reference bank. I know it existed, I just never think of it because I was 3 when this episode came out.<br />
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Ted comes out to ask Jamie if he wants to go to the plant with him to pick up parts to fix Vicki - wait, it went from one part to multiple? And also, this isn’t like picking up office supplies from work. Robotics parts are expensive. Jamie says no and asks for advice. Ted starts to tell Jamie how to impress a woman, and Joan walks out. Oh, this is going to be awesome. So, in giving his advice to Jamie, Ted reveals that he was totally head over heels in lust with Joan’s roommate Barbara. Based on that look Joan is giving, this is the last we will see of Ted. Ted asked Joan out on dates and told her to bring Barbara along. Joan storms off just in time to miss Ted saying the more he took Joan out, the more he realized he loved her and not Barbara. It’s still going to be amazing when Joan murders him.<br />
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Ted goes to leave, but Harriet comes over. She asks if Vicki can come out and play, and Ted says no because she’s not herself. At least the excuses come up less often, so they seem less flimsy. Harriet asks Jamie to play, because she has nothing to do until Mary comes home, so Jamie uses Ted’s advice on Harriet. It’s happening! He’s going to realize he loves Harriet and they’ll get married! Jamie invites Harriet to the movies, and says it would be rude to leave Mary behind so they’ll take her, too. Harriet kisses Jamie on the cheek, but at least he waits until she leaves to wipe it off. That’s commitment.<br />
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Ted seems to be finishing repairs on Vicki, so let’s see how he screwed up this time. Oh! Vicki is in slo-mo! Joan comes downstairs with bedding and smiling evilly. She’s going to use the bedding to wrap Ted’s corpse in when she dumps it! She reveals that she heard the conversation, drops the bedding over Ted’s head, and then hits him with a pillow. That last part doesn’t sound as vicious as it was. The pillow was the closest thing. I think if a lamp had been right there, she would have hit him with a lamp. Joan has anger issues.<br />
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At the movies, Jamie sits between Mary and Harriet, which is the smart way to work this stupid plan. Then he compliments Mary, but makes Harriet fish. Come on, Jamie. Where was that commitment you showed two scenes ago? Jamie sends Harriet to buy popcorn - at least he gave her the money for it - but says it would be rude to leave the girls alone. Harriet buys this, and Jamie takes the opportunity to hit on Mary some more. This guy that apparently knows Mary shows up, so she ditches Jamie without even an explanation. I mean, come on, dude. I get what’s going on, but you should at least give your alibi an explanation. They’re your alibi. Harriet returns and is excited that she gets Jamie to herself.<br />
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Joan is in the kitchen - man, this episode really reverted to season one. Jamie comes home and when Joan asks how his date was, Jamie said, “Abe Lincoln had more fun in the theatre than I did.” Dark. Jamie admits to taking Ted’s advice, and Joan’s like, “well, if you want advice about a woman, don’t ask a man - ask a woman.” After Joan needs to clarify for her C-average son that she is, in fact, a woman, Joan tells Jamie to be direct and honest. Good advice. It’s going to backfire.<br />
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Ted is working on Vicki and is hunched over because the sofa is apparently bad for his back. I’m fun sized, so I’ve never had that issue, so I can’t even empathize. Let’s see how Ted messed up Vicki now. She’s a Chipette! Then he fixes her voice but she copies everything Ted says. So Ted turns her voice off because that’ll fix the repetition thing. Vicki fixes Ted’s back but still copies everything he does, voiceless.<br />
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We cut to Jamie in the kitchen and, can we not have one transition that makes sense? Harriet comes over and says she wrote Jamie a poem about her feelings for him and Jamie slams the door in her face. Oh, I thought we were over this, Jamie. Harriet lets herself in and reads it, and Jamie somehow finds a way to use that as momentum to see Mary.<br />
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We go back to the living room and Ted is trying to deal with the bedding but he’s useless. Joan comes down and asks how he slept. Where is Vicki? Whatever, nevermind. Ted begs forgiveness, and Joan gives it. Then Ted pulls Joan onto the couch and pulls the cover over them. Remember, if you go that long into an episode of <i>Small Wonder</i> without a sex joke, you can be blatant.<br />
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Jamie’s pacing around the backyard, wondering where Mary is. I’m guessing waiting in the kitchen is out because Joan and Ted don’t seem like the quiet type. Vicki comes out and tells Jamie to wash up for lunch and now I’m just confused about the timeline. Also, Jamie realizes Vicki is fixed. No, she can’t be. They showed us like 37 failed attempts. They are not allowed to just fix her off-screen. Jamie says he’ll be in later and starts rehearsing what he wants to say to Mary.<br />
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Mary finally comes over and Jamie confesses to being madly in love with her. Mary thinks that’s crazy, so <i>Small Wonder</i> has one character that makes sense. Shame we’ll never see her again. Vicki keeps piping in with unhelpful comments and I can’t tell if she’s really fixed or not. If she is, she reverted to season 1 Vicki. Harriet shows up and listens in, and Jamie should have realized that was a risk having this conversation anywhere but the bathroom. Jamie confesses he used Harriet to get to Mary, which Harriet of course heard. Mary thinks Jamie is a horrible person and she never wants to see him again, and Jamie is like, “too bad, because I’m going to stalk you.” That is the honest summation of Jamie’s response. Reggie comes over and talks some sense into Jamie. And by that, I mean, Reggie says he has a better chance with Mary. I love this show.<br />
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Mary’s boyfriend comes over and is totally ready to beat up a 12 year old. Yeah, that’s a characteristic all 16 year old girls should look for in a boyfriend. Jamie asks Reggie to help, but Reggie takes off running. Harriet and Mary come over and Mary tells her boyfriend to put Jamie down. Mary and her boyfriend leave. Jamie actually gives Harriet a heartfelt apology and offers to take her out on a real date, so all is forgiven and this ship is sailing again. Then Vicki drags Jamie into the house. The End.<br />
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Really? He fixed Vicki off-screen?! Yeah, that’s my complaint. I mean, I guess that's it for this week. Oh, wait, no I do want to mention one more thing. Mary is played by Leslie Bega, who was Maria on <i>Head of the Class</i> and grew up to be Valentina on <i>The Sopranos</i>. See, <i>Small Wonder</i> doesn't curse careers. Okay, I will see you next week.Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03220091590941636964noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431970554256729368.post-76696463026562916642015-11-27T05:02:00.000-08:002015-11-27T10:26:07.332-08:00Season 2, Episode 9: Home Sweet Homeless<i>I had to take some screenshots without pausing this week for reasons. As such, some pictures have a certain derpiness to them, and some scenes don't have the actual photo I wanted to use to represent them. On to the review.</i><br />
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I don’t have a pre-episode thing that wouldn’t be depressing, and my goal is not to depress you. It’s to make you see that just because a show is objectively bad doesn’t mean it doesn’t have any redeeming qualities. And I fail that task sometimes, but you know, overall. That said, let’s just get right into it.<br />
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Vicki and Ted are in the kitchen and I don’t know what’s happening because Ted’s pants are distracting. Jamie comes into the kitchen and shields his face from the glare coming from Ted’s pants while he says they’re awesome. Ted takes the compliment. No, Ted, Jamie did not mean awesome like good. He meant those pants inspired awe because it’s impossible to comprehend them. Jamie makes his point clearer by saying he hopes there are no bulls on the golf course, and Ted threatens “to the moon.” Oh, cool, let’s bring back the euphemism for abuse. Ted finally says Vicki was making him a protein shake and I just realized everyone except for Joan is in the kitchen. Small Wonder is making excellent strides in feminism, especially since I don’t know if Joan is actually employed this week or not. Ted tries to use the blender, but it doesn’t work, so he uses the handy-dandy Vicki.<br />
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Joan finally enters the kitchen and says they can congratulate her. Joan, please don’t be the Ted this week. Apparently, her women’s auxillary club called and Joan is the chairperson of the committee to help the homeless. Shenanigans. Joan doesn’t have a cell phone, so everyone would have known she was on the phone and thus she could have had a less awkward entrance. “Oh, hey, honey, who was on the phone?” Entire women’s auxillary line goes here. Vicki doesn’t know what homeless means and 2015 me is like that’s privilege rearing it’s ugly head. Of course the robotics engineer who gets job offers out the wazoo doesn’t think to teach his robot child who was designed to help people about a group of people who need help. Check your robotics engineer privilege, Ted. Joan explains it to Vicki, and Ted agrees that they should help the homeless, but Vicki just walks away. I’m not making this up. It looks like they were explaining it to Jamie and Vicki happened to be in the room to overhear. Program your robot child some manners.<br />
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Joan says that it’s hard to make people aware of the issue, which is obvious since you couldn’t even hold the attention of a robot, and Ted suggests trying to go on TV and raise awareness that way. Jamie suggests telling Harriet. These are both valid suggestions. Joan sides with Ted. Ted agrees to drop her off and pick her up because he’s going to the golf course, and I knew it! One car family! Only bit of continuity that sticks. Wait, so how has Joan been getting to work as a teacher? Darn it... Joan asks Jamie to go to the store for her, but the length of that list is ridiculous. He brings Vicki along.<br />
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On the way home from the store, Vicki and Jamie see a homeless person. Vicki points out Joan said it was their duty to help the homeless. No, Vicki, Ted said that. See, that’s what happens when you walk away mid-conversation. Jamie notices the alley the homeless person was in was a mess and it should be cleaned up, so Vicki blows everything away with her super robot breath. Seriously. This show has a problem remembering robot is not Superman. Robots can’t breathe and while it would make sense for her to have an exhaust fan in her mouth area so it would mimic breath, it would never be that strong. I pay attention to real world stuff sometimes! Jamie and Vicki approach the homeless guy and wake him up. Rude! Just come back later. You wouldn’t like it if someone woke you up when you were sleeping.<br />
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The guy is a little confused when he wakes up, but he is very well mannered around the children. Says how do you do, removes his hat for Vicki - real charming. His name is Roland Cardwell. Jamie asks Roland if he lives in the alley, and he says for the moment. Then he lists the “conveniences” it has - solar heating, air conditioning. He’s a real positive guy. I like that.<br />
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We cut back to the Lawson kitchen, and Jamie is making a sandwich. It looks like the beginnings of that ridiculous sandwich he makes in the theme song. There’s a knock at the door and I’m sure it’s Harriet, but the shade is down so we can’t see - let’s find out. It’s Harriet! Jamie says he’s busy and tells Harriet to come back later, so she opens the door and says it’s later. I love Jamie Lawson’s future wife. Harriet wants Jamie’s sandwich, and he tells her to go home and make one for herself. Harriet says she’s not allowed to eat between meals and then makes a joke about Bonnie’s bad cooking. Jamie finishes the sandwich and it is a clone of the ridiculous one! It would make Shaggy and Scooby Doo proud. Jamie kicks Harriet out and then he goes into the living room just in time for Ted and Joan to come home.<br />
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Joan says that the reporter agreed to do a story on the homeless, and Jamie casually brings up bringing a homeless person home. Well, no, he says “guess what I did today” and Roland walks out in Joan’s robe. But it is all pretty casual. Roland says hello to Joan and Ted and politely asks Jamie for bubble bath. Ted needs some answers, like “who are you? What are you doing in my house? Why are you wearing my wife’s robe?” Roland, of course, answers the last one.<br />
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Vicki comes in wearing Roland’s hat and she is super adorable! She gives Roland some slippers which also look like Joan’s. Jamie introduces Roland to his parents, and Roland lays on the charm. He is so lovely, I want to adopt him. Jamie made the sandwich for Roland. I like how Jamie isn’t a little shit in this episode. I mean, he wasn’t even rude to Harriet earlier. Ted is really upset that Jamie brought the guy home, but Jamie points out Ted and Joan said they had to help the homeless find a home. Wrong. They never said that. But Joan agrees, so free pass, Jamie. Ted agrees to let Roland bathe and that they’ll feed him, but he worries Roland has a criminal record. Privilege check, Ted. No, I’m kidding, I have a roommate who locks her bedroom door when she takes a shower, so I get having trust issues.<br />
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We cut to the kitchen because transitions that make sense are for other shows, and Roland has apparently found Ted’s robe because he’s wearing that. He makes himself a cup of coffee as he tells Jamie some fantastic story involving a King Cobra. Jamie asks how Roland got the money to have such adventures, and he says he does things for free. Jamie asks if Roland ever works and he seems allergic to the word. Way to go, <i>Small Wonder</i>. Raise awareness for an issue by perpetuating the stereotypes. Ted and Joan come into the kitchen, and Jamie is enthralled by Roland. I see this going over well. Joan is washing Roland’s clothes, and Ted says that after the clothes are done and Roland eats, he can leave. I can’t even be mad at Ted’s bad attitude. He really could have kicked Roland out a long time ago, but he’s helping as much as he feels comfortable with his own home. Jamie is super offended, and wants Roland to sleep in his room. What, with Vicki in the cabinet? You think that through, Jamie? Roland turns Jamie down, and Ted and Joan use this momentum to make it seem like literally opening up your home to a homeless person isn’t enough, but then Roland drops the bomb and says he’ll be staying in the backyard. That’s when you call the police, but then this episode would only be 11 minutes long.<br />
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We cut to the backyard. Roland is sleeping in a lawn chair with that blanket I love so much, when Harriet enters through the gate. Harriet approaches him, but then quickly goes to report it to Jamie. That was responsible. Harriet can be responsible. Jamie pulls Harriet inside and says that Roland is the Lawson’s houseguest. Liberal use of the term houseguest there, Jamie. Jamie explains Roland’s situation to Harriet, and she thinks he’s a bum. You know, in this situation, you’re probably right, Harriet, but that’s not the fair assumption to make usually. Jamie defends Roland by repeating his fantastic stories and Harriet now likes him and wants an introduction. Also, Harriet manages to successfully hit on Jamie while asking him to make the introduction. Knew it. Harriet’s going to be a Lawson some day.<br />
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Ted is still upset Roland is around and says if Roland calls him Dad one more time, he’ll wrap him in a blanket and leave him on someone’s doorstep. Ted, you have a real serial killer edge that you may want to work on. Ted wants to kick Roland out badly, but Joan says she doesn’t want to look bad in front of her committee and maybe Ted should just find Roland a job. That is a great suggestion.<br />
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We cut to the living room later, I guess, since the people in the room have changed, and Roland is wearing Ted’s awesome red pants. Roland is telling Jamie and Vicki how he gets money when he needs it by saying hello and telling a hard luck story. Ted comes home, and Vicki calls him a sucker. I love those two so much. Ted threatens to bury Roland up to his neck in a sand trap for wearing his pants. See, Ted is totally a serial killer. Ted asks Vicki to take his briefcase up to his room, and she agrees and calls him sucker again. This show got canceled right when it was going to get good. Teen Vicki and Ted, guys! Would have been great.<br />
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Joan enters from the kitchen, and Ted says he has good news for Roland. Roland assumes they’re going to Disneyland. I love this guy. Ted got Roland a job, and Roland starts acting all allergic again. Jamie defends Roland, and I’m surprised Roland hasn’t started a cult. Like, that would be the perfect job for him. Roland then says he isn’t homeless because he chose his lifestyle, and he feels bad for the actual homeless. Okay, <i>Small Wonder</i>. I’ll give you points there. Roland is an early Freegan. Then Ted and Roland get into a fight over Roland’s lifestyle choices. Look, if Roland is happy - you know, kick him out and move on with your lives. Then Jamie says he wants Roland’s lifestyle. Shut up, brain. We’re trying to not be depressing.<br />
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Then we cut to the next morning in the kitchen and I really don’t think this episode of <i>Small Wonder</i> knew what it was doing, timeline wise. Vicki has made Ted eggs. Ted complains about how Vicki made the eggs, so she dumps them on the table. Love them so much. Joan comes into the kitchen, excited that the homelessness story is going to be on the news that night. Then Jamie enters from the backyard asking where Roland is, and Vicki reveals he’s gone. Jamie is really upset and wants to get Roland back. Joan and Ted decide that Jamie needs a taste of Roland’s lifestyle to get it out of his system.<br />
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So the Lawsons all go out after dark and go back to Roland’s alley. Vicki says no one else is in the alley, but she detects smaller life forms - the ones that go crunch when you step on them. Ew. But at least it isn’t rodents. Ted uses the opportunity to teach Jamie some of Roland’s life skills and dumpster dives for pizza when a rodent finally does show up (ew) and Ted says if they catch it, it could be dinner (triple ew). Right when Jamie starts to get it, the news crew shows up. This going to be hilarious. And are there no other alleys in town? The reporter mistakes the Lawsons for a homeless family, and I wonder why with all that dumpster diving. Joan asks the reporter if he remembers her, and when he does he assumes Joan moved the entire family out to the alley to prove her point. Well, technically, that is kind of what happened. Joan starts to tell the truth, but Ted steps in and says that’s exactly what happened. Jamie says that that’s no way for a person to live and they should help the homeless and then Vicki asks for money. Love that robot.<br />
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I did it. I got through an episode I knew would be hard. And now I’m done with it. I want to give <i>Small Wonder</i> credit for wanting to raise awareness about such an important issue, I just think there could have been better ways to do it. The End. See you next week.Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03220091590941636964noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431970554256729368.post-76782468857083941832015-11-20T05:09:00.000-08:002015-11-20T08:42:04.532-08:00Season 2, Episode 8: Thanksgiving StoryGuys, this is the only time this blog will ever be seasonally relevant! Thursday is Thanksgiving, and here’s the review of the Thanksgiving episode! I really don’t remember this episode, but it involves Jamie Lawson lying so I’m sure I’ll love it. Let’s get to it!<br />
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We start with Vicki writing the grocery list, and Joan asks her if she’s done. Well, except Joan calls it the marketing list and I realize this isn’t the first time Joan has referred to grocery shopping as marketing. Is that what people really used to call it? I have no idea. Well, Vicki isn’t done, so Joan asks her to speed it up so Vicki writes so fast the paper starts smoking. Joan tells her not that fast, but she sure waits long enough to say that.<br />
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Ted and Jamie enter the kitchen and they want to know what’s going on. Joan says Vicki was working on the shopping list, so Ted makes a joke and he and Jamie laugh about it. Seriously, Ted, Joan hits. You know this. Joan says that they’re having a Thanksgiving with all the ingredients from the first Thanksgiving, and I feel like that’s just weird but whatever, it’s their Thanksgiving. Ted looks at the list and is surprised that Vicki included 91 Indians. How are you surprised? When has anyone ever been specific enough with their instructions to Vicki? And Vicki does point out that there were 91 Native Americans at the first Thanksgiving. Actually, she called them Redskins, but it is not 1986 right now, it’s 2015 and I have been indoctrinated with not being racist. Ted says they have to settle for three whiteskins and a robot, so see, racist.<br />
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Jamie notices venison is on the list and he refuses to eat Bambi. Then Joan says they have a lot to be thankful for, but that is a weird transition from Jamie not wanting to eat Bambi. That is a valid complaint. Either way, there’s a knock at the backdoor and it’s Harriet dressed as a turkey. It’s her costume for the school play, and she’s super proud. Joan says she’s sure Harriet will be the best turkey there ever was because sometimes Joan is perfect. Jamie agrees, but says it’s because Harriet has a lifetime of experience. These are the things they’ll laugh about when they’re married old people. Ted disapproves of Jamie’s comments while trying to suppress a laugh, so I’m back to hating Ted this week. Harriet tries to Brindle Swindle her way into a Thanksgiving invitation, but 2/3rds of the Lawsons in the room politely refuse.<br />
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There is another knock at the door, and Jamie opens it to reveal this kid we’ve never seen before and I know we’ll never see again. His name is Adam, and Jamie invites him in and introduces him to his parents. Then the Lawsons leave three kids alone in their kitchen while they go to the store, and I’m like, the Lawsons are a lot less strict than my parents were when I was 12, and I was a latchkey kid when I was 12. Adam reveals he came over to help Jamie fix his bike, and then Harriet flirts with Adam. You do you, girl. When Jamie decides he likes it, he’ll put a ring on it and in the meanwhile you don’t need to be waiting on his indecision.<br />
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We cut to Adam and Jamie working on the bike because transitions that make sense are impossible to find on <i>Small Wonder</i>. Adam says Jamie’s parents seem okay, and Jamie says they think they’re strict. Really, because they left two 12 year old boys and a 10 year old girl alone in their kitchen, and I’m not convinced they even know where Vicki was because I don’t. Adam reveals he lives with just his mom because his dad abandoned them - went to get a newspaper and never came back. It’s okay, Adam, you’re in good company. Tracy Jordan, Adrian Monk, and Punky Brewster are all memorable fictional characters whose dads stepped out on them. You’re really bland and forgettable, but clearly you can still grow up to do anything, even in Sitcomland. Adam explains that he’s a latchkey kid because his mom works two jobs, and Jamie thinks Adam has it tough. Adam gets real defensive and says he doesn’t and it bugs him when people think he does. Dude, you were the one who brought it up. If you’re just going to go around talking about being a latchkey kid, people are going to have reactions. Adam says being a latchkey kid has its advantages because a whole group of latchkey kids are going to a mountain resort for Thanksgiving. Shenanigans. I was a latchkey kid, and I had to watch my younger brothers when I was 12, and I got no mountain resort trips. I just got like, normal Thanksgiving. At my house. Jamie is interested in how that happened, and Adam says he filled out an application at the community center and answered some questions. Shenanigans again. My community center just has like, art classes and guitar lessons. Anyway, Jamie now sees the advantages of coming from a broken home.<br />
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Jamie approaches Ted with a proposal for a fun Thanskgiving, and Ted defends the 1621 Thanksgiving the Lawson family is going to have. Ted says Joan is going to slave over a hot stove all day, but Vicki is very quick to correct that point. Good on you, Vicki. Always acknowledge your worth. Anyway, it turns out Jamie wasn’t even going for the slimy approach of suggesting a trip to the mountains or anything. He just wanted his dad to play football with him, but both Ted and Joan blow him off. You know what, I’m pro whatever Jamie does to feel good about that this episode. That was pretty crummy. I’m used to Ted being a bad person, but come on Joan. You’re supposed to be perfect sometimes. Joan even made the sex joke in the scene. Wow.<br />
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In the kitchen, Jamie talks out how Adam’s going to have a blast while his Thanksgiving sucks. Then he gets an idea and whispers it to Vicki. Jamie, do you really need Vicki for this scheme? I mean, right now I’m super supportive of you doing what you need to do to get over the hurt of your parents not caring about your emotional needs, but don’t drag the girl with a social worker into it. Even though I’m sure they forgot that small detail. But Jamie Lawson has to be scheming something that would get social services called, because he never goes small.<br />
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Jamie and Vicki are at what I’m assuming is the community center, and Jamie asks Vicki if she remembers everything he told her because he’s counting on her, and she says it’s stored in her random access memory. Wow, that was clunky, guys. “Hey, just in case you tuned in 8 minutes into an episode and have never seen <i>Small Wonder</i> before, Jamie is scheming something with Vicki, who also happens to be a robot.” Jamie asks Vicki if she can cry tears, and Vicki explains how she can cry. Apparently, she can also sweat. But, hey, now we know how the robot cried when Grandpa said mean things about her. Jamie thinks the sweat thing is too much information, and says that Vicki should just cry.<br />
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The guy at the center enters the room and greets the kids and apologizes for making them wait, and Jamie wastes no time in laying it on thick. Jamie and Vicki have keys - where did they get those from? Did Jamie rent keys from latchkey kids? Where are those kids right now? Sure, explain the parts you don’t need to explain but gloss over the glaring details. The guy says Jamie forgot to fill in his father’s first name on the application and Jamie says he doesn’t remember it. I just can’t with this. We’re not even all the way through the first act. Okay, whatever, power through. Jamie’s even made up a very thorough story, even though I would think it’s suspicious that Jamie keeps asking Vicki to verify his details. Like, honest people don’t need so much validation, dude. So the guy asks if Vicki wants to go on the ski trip, too, but Jamie says no because Vicki needs to stay home in case anyone calls because his mom put their dad’s picture on a milk carton. I hate awkwardness and this is super freaking awkward. The guy asks for Jamie’s phone number so he can call, and then Jamie says they can’t afford a phone. See how full of holes your lie is, Jamie? I can’t believe Vicki didn’t call him out on that in rehearsal, but she probably wanted to see this train wreck.<br />
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We cut back to the Lawson house, and Joan cleaned out the fireplace in the living room because she thought it might be nice to have a fire after Thanskgiving dinner. I specify because the Lawsons have two fireplaces - trivia. Jamie offers to get some wood, but Joan says Vicki went to get some. Vicki comes back with a tree. Love that robot. The front doorbell rings and Jamie goes to answer it. It’s the guy from the center! Yay, more awkwardness. He says that Jamie’s mom has to fill out a consent form because they can’t just take kids into the mountains without one. That makes sense. Score one for <i>Small Wonder</i>. Then the guy says he has to confirm everything Jamie said because some kids try to scam ski trips. You don’t say.<br />
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Jamie tries to blow the guy off, but the guy calls Jamie out on it. Then Joan calls for Jamie and my gut is sent to cringe. Jamie is still trying to sell that he’s from a broken home while he is so obviously caught. Jamie is so super busted. Ted comes home, and Jamie still tries to sell it. Learn how to call it quits, Jamie. Jamie immediately apologizes when he’s called out on what he did, and Ted is quick to tell Jamie how selfish he was. Joan and Ted are also quick to punish Jamie without bothering to find out why he lied. That part bothers me. I mean, yes, Jamie did wrong, but they recognized less obvious red flags in other episodes. Is it that hard to even talk to your son? No wonder Jamie is always doing crazy things. Once Jamie leaves the room, Joan wonders what they should do with him, and Vicki suggests tying him to a tree, covering him in honey, and letting the ants eat him. She’s an awesome little sister. Ted decides to let Jamie see what Thanksgiving without his family is really like. Yeah, except, you were already giving him that. This whole thing started because you two blew him off when he wanted to spend Thanksgiving playing football with you, which you might know if you would just go talk to him. Sitcomland parenting is weird.<br />
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Ted and Joan sit down to Thanksgiving dinner, and expect Jamie to play along as they set up in alternate universe where there is no turkey. Guys, he’s looking right at it. You guys suck at this. Also, “hey, Jamie, why did you make up that outlandish story in the first place?” Those should be the words coming out of your mouth, not, “how could your mom have made a turkey if she’s working?” Jamie gives up the argument ridiculously fast, and Joan and Ted decide to eat without him. The guilt sets in really fast, too, but I’m amazed by how horrible the parenting in this episode is.<br />
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Jamie is hanging out in his room when Harriet comes up in the window. Jamie doesn’t even make her leave. Oh my gosh, this is full on depressed. Even Harriet kind of realizes something is off, but she’s 10 and doesn’t get into it. Acceptable. She’s 10, and she at least asked questions that Jamie didn’t answer. She’s not his parents. After Harriet leaves, Ted and Joan come up and forgive Jamie and tell him to join him for dinner. Jamie says no. Ted and Joan are like, “okay” and start to walk away, but Jamie points out they could have at least argued a little. Yeah, seriously. They could have done a lot differently in this episode.<br />
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So, at the table everyone says what they’re thankful for, and guys, Ted says he’s thankful for Vicki and she smiles. I love their relationship. It’s so complex. Jamie says he’s thankful for his parents. Of course you are, apparently you were the one who did wrong in this episode when your parents blew you off and then didn’t even care why you were acting out. Then we see Harriet’s face pressed up in the kitchen door. Wow. Ted invites her in, and Jamie invites her to eat. And so Harriet becomes part of the family. For thirty seconds. The end.<br />
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I don’t like awkward, but I do like this episode. Even though it did a lot of wrong things, it did get across being appreciative of what you have, and that’s really all you can ask for in Thanksgiving episodes - and there aren’t that many of those. It’s the stepchild of all the holidays. We get two days off of school and work, and we’re still like “you’re not as cool as Halloween or Christmas.” We should be more thankful for Thanksgiving. Even though <i>Small Wonder</i> was popular in other countries - I wonder what they think of this episode?Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03220091590941636964noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431970554256729368.post-31000239496554085032015-11-06T05:32:00.000-08:002015-11-06T05:32:00.151-08:00Season 2, Episode 7: P-P-P-PaulaI remember this episode! But man, it has a messed up name. Other than that, though, I remember this being a good episode. Please, please Nostalgia Glasses, please don’t fall off and show me I’m wrong, like that time I thought <i>Super Mario Bros. Super Show</i> was the best thing ever and then I got a DVD in my cereal. Let’s get to it.<br />
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We start with Vicki watching TV by herself. She’s watching a character called Funny Bunny who said he sent out invitations in the mail to visit him, so don’t take your eyes off of the mailbox. Oh, gee, here I was going to be happy Vicki has alone time and isn’t doing slave labor and the TV’s already badly programming her. Vicki walks out the front door.<br />
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Then we cut to Ted walking in through the back door because <i>Small Wonder</i> doesn’t care about making sense. Joan notes that Ted is home early - and look, she’s back in the kitchen. We get her a job and she’s back in the kitchen. Thanks, <i>Small Wonder</i>! But at least she’s cooking and not using Vicki as slave labor. You know, Joan, if just a couple weeks ago you did this, you wouldn’t have been bored enough to get a job. I don’t even know what I’m complaining about at this point. I think we’ve reached the singularity where so many things have gone ridiculous that everything is just bad now. Ted says he left early to play golf, and Joan says she wants to play to so that she and Ted would have an activity to do together - and yeah, I saw that sex joke coming from a mile away. Stay consistent, Ted. At least no children are in the room. Ted says he doesn’t want to break up his regular foursome, and then starts telling bad wife jokes right after he just said he doesn’t make them. Ted, if your wife asks you what kinds of wife jokes right after you say you don’t make them, play dumb. I’ve seen Joan hit you on multiple occasions. Joan feels bad she said anything, but Ted gives in and agrees to take Joan golfing on Saturday. Sometimes, he’s not all heel.<br />
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Ted and Joan walk into the living room and Ted notices the front door is wide open but keeps walking towards the stairs. Yeah, your house was only recently broken into, we don’t need to investigate these things at all. Joan’s super calm when she says Vicki was just in there watching television and not noticing the lack of Vicki. Oh, sitcom wackiness, you won’t disappoint me. And it doesn’t! Ted and Joan simultaneously realize they actually do like Vicki and they rush to the door. Vicki re-enters, carrying the mailbox that she apparently pulled out of the ground. That’s the way to keep an eye on it - but why did it take you so long to do that? You could have been back before your parents noticed you were missing. Ted asks what Vicki is doing and she says she’s keeping a close eye on the mailbox. Ted tells Vicki not to do that again, but Vicki is worried about upsetting Funny Bunny. Vicki is adorable.<br />
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Then Jamie comes home through the front door and wonders what happened to the mailbox. I’m wondering, again, what Jamie does at school that gets him home so late. Okay, this time Ted confessed to coming home early, but Joan and Vicki are home and I’m reviewing in production order, which means Joan is Jamie’s teacher and Vicki is in his class. Is he running a counterfeit hall pass ring or something? Ted says Jamie looks glum and wants to know what is wrong, and Jamie says his teacher wants kids who are doing okay - like him - to help out students who aren’t. I really just don’t know where to start dissecting everything that’s wrong with that sentence. So this episode is outside of continuity. Like, completely. Ted is proud of how smart Jamie is, but Jamie is bummed that he has to help Paula Preston. And given the title of this episode, no, Jamie was not that PC in saying what the poor girl’s name was. I wanted to make a Roger Rabbit reference, but this episode is two years too early for that. Jamie explains that Paula has a stutter and Joan lays into him for making fun of her. Yay, Joan! You got demoted for an episode, but you’re still awesome. Jamie says Paula is stuck up and he hates that he has to help her in English for two hours a day. Damn, even the schools in <i>Small Wonder</i> employ slave labor. Ted thinks Paula just might feel self-conscious because he did when he had a lisp as a kid. Ted has empathy? Is Ted evolving?<br />
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The doorbell rings and Jamie says that it’s probably Paula because apparently the school that employs slave labor can’t even provide the library as a meeting place because they clearly have no budget. Ted has Vicki put the mailbox in the hall closet, and she literally bounces off to do it. Ted says she’s a natural clown, and Joan says, “sure, look at the clown that built her.” Really, Joan? He’s going to take you golfing and everything. So, it’s Paula and Paula’s mother at the door. How close do the Prestons live? They were not at the neighborhood watch meeting, so I call shenanigans. An unimpressed Jamie takes Paula into the kitchen to get things over with.<br />
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Paula’s mother admits Jamie is going to need a lot of patience. One, this is Jamie Lawson. He doesn’t know what that is. Secondly... I don’t know where to start with secondly. There is just so much wrong going on here. Paula has apparently been to two therapists and her own mother thinks Job - you know, the one from the Bible - would have had a hard time with Paula. Wow, mother of the year. She goes on to say that Paula always had private tutors before but then they decided she should mix with other students in public school. That is Vicki’s exact situation. Stuttering and being a robot is the same thing, I guess. Paula’s mother says she doesn’t know if it was the right move, though, because her grades are low and she isn’t making any friends. Then Vicki comes downstairs and Joan introduces her to Mrs. Preston. Mrs. Preston notices Vicki speaks strangely, so I guess we’re noticing that this week.<br />
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In the kitchen, Paula and Jamie are going over what happened in <i>Tom Sawyer</i> and Jamie has zero patience for Paula’s stuttering. Of course he doesn’t. He doesn’t have any patience for Harriet ever and that’s his future wife. The most unbelievable part of this whole scene is that Jamie actually read the book for class. Paula gets frustrated because Jamie won’t let her finish her sentences. That’s exactly what you need - two pissed off twelve year olds working together. Gold star, Jamie’s underfunded school. Jamie’s mostly mad that Paula knows the answers but doesn’t do better in school.<br />
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There’s a knock at the door, and it’s Harriet wanting to know why her man is spending time with another woman. Jamie just slams the door in Harriet’s face, but Harriet is serious about her relationship with Jamie and barges right in and introduces herself to Paula. Harriet literally says Jamie will be her main man when he stops fighting it. And that’s why I believe in this relationship so much. Jamie says he’s just helping Paula study, but Harriet watches <i>Dynasty</i> so she needs to investigate these claims. Oh, dude, Harriet is a bitch. When she leaves, she admits Paula is prettier, but then she makes fun of Paula’s stutter. Look, I know it’s one thing to fight for your man, but you went too far, Harriet. I don’t support you for the rest of this episode. Jamie was right to slam the door in your face before.<br />
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Paula is clearly upset, and Jamie Lawson actually does the right thing by badmouthing Harriet. And it’s not even that bad - he just calls her spoiled. Bonnie Brindle has called Harriet that to her face. Vicki tries to defend her friend, but no - not this episode, Vix. Paula thinks Vicki is like all the other kids, too, but Jamie knows she’s not. Because of the robot thing, Jamie? Because I don’t think she’s ever met a kid with a stutter before and she tends to repeat what she hears, so from Paula’s point of view, there’s a good chance Vicki’s just like the other kids. Vicki does repeat Paula’s stutter, and Jamie gets upset with Vicki. You know what, I honestly believe Jamie is frustrated by the fact Paula is getting bad grades even though she’s smart. He’s otherwise being super nice, here. Jamie goes after Paula.<br />
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We’re in Jamie’s classroom and he’s giving a report on <i>Moby Dick</i>. Shenanigans. This episode now expects me to believe Jamie’s read two books. It’s Paula’s turn to do a report, and she says she’s not ready. Oh, now I know why Paula’s getting bad grades. She goes to the only school on Earth that doesn’t make kids write their book reports. Her parents should have maybe investigated that. The teacher tells Paula she’s going to fail her in front of the whole class, and I don’t think that’s legal. Jamie wants to help Paula, but she’s perfectly fine with failing.<br />
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So, after a commercial break, Joan comes down stairs dressed for golf. She’s looking cute. Also, this is the only time lapse cut that has ever made sense on this show. Ted gets handsy, but Joan wants pre-lesson pointers. Ted agrees with a look on his face that betrays just how much he’d rather be handsy. Guys, Ted is a total prevert. Jamie walks in on this super handsy golf lesson. He explains Paula’s situation to his parents, and Ted gets the idea to use Vicki to help Paula. This would have been great before the robot made fun of the girl’s stutter. But Ted points out that the reason he built Vicki was to help out therapists and doctors, and I’m like - then why all the slave labor? Joan points out that Paula has already been to professionals, and Ted thinks that kids feel at ease around other kids and it would give him a chance to see Vicki’s full potential. This is the first episode where Ted has said anything about inventing Vicki that sounded believable.<br />
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We cut to Jamie, Paula, and Vicki in the kitchen. Jamie tells Paula that Vicki can really help her, so pay attention. That was an awkward time to tell her that. Then there’s a knock at the door and it’s the Brindle I’m currently not speaking about. Actually, she came over to apologize so I guess we can acknowledge Harriet again. She admits she has a real problem of speaking without thinking. Paula forgives Harriet, and Harriet even regrets that she gets so jealous that someone might steal her man. Jamie is going to murder Harriet. Like, serious murder. Harriet just finds it hot. She leaves, and then Jamie leaves Vicki and Paula to do their thing.<br />
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Vicki starts with aversion therapy and gives Paula a list of words to read, tooting a horn every time Paula stutters. Paula gets frustrated, and Vicki explains the idea is that Paula will hate the sound so much that she’ll stop stuttering just to not hear it. Paula says she can see why it works because she hates it - and she didn’t stutter once during that sentence. Nobody is going to point that out. Vicki even toots the horn anyway. Vicki, you have one job...<br />
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Vicki then moves on to desensitization. Paula has to say the same tongue twister over and over until she doesn’t stutter. Paula thinks it’s stupid, but Vicki makes her do it. Then Vicki gives Paula Tom Sawyer to read and gives her a tip to not stutter. Paula gets mad, not understanding how she can say Mississippi without stuttering, and then Vicki points out she just did.<br />
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We cut to Paula giving her book report in front of her mom and the Lawsons, and though it’s not perfect, she can get through it. Paula’s mother is so proud, and the Lawsons are happy that they could help. Then the front door rings and apparently there’s a pizza delivery because one of the phone exercises Vicki made Paula do was order a pizza. How long did it take to deliver that pizza? Anyway, it’s super expensive because of all the things Paula had to order on it, but whatever, they’re celebrating.<br />
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Then we cut to the classroom and Paula is about to deliver her book report. The students make Paula nervous, and the teacher says she’s failing Paula right in front of the class. Again, not sure that’s legal. Jamie gets pissed off because of all the work Vicki did with Paula just for Paula to throw it away. Then Jamie makes fun of Paula because in his eyes, she deserves it. It’s enough to motivate Paula and she gives her report. Again, it’s not perfect, but she gets through the word Mississippi and the class cheers her on.<br />
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Back at the Lawson house, Vicki is watering the plants and talking to them to help them grow. The mail man comes and Ted sends Vicki out to pick up the mail. Joan decides she doesn’t want to golf anymore, which Ted is okay with. Then we can hear screaming from outside and Ted and Joan investigate. Apparently, Vicki decided pick up the mail meant pick up the mail man. Oh, that robot. The end.<br />
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That felt like a long episode, but I think because it wasn’t as fluffy as other episodes, they managed to get a lot of stuff in. Sure, it had continuity errors and stuff, but on the whole it was good. It was dense. There should have been more episodes like this one. Even though if that teacher is the battleax Joan replaced, I bet it was Paula that poisoned her. The whole class doesn’t need to know a student’s grade situation.<br />
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<b>Firsts</b>: Ted said something about inventing Vicki that actually made sense, Jamie read the book for classAmandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03220091590941636964noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431970554256729368.post-91178439375341605632015-10-30T08:49:00.001-07:002015-11-01T11:58:14.661-08:00Season 2, Episode 6: Neighborhood Watch<i><strike>So this week is a hot mess and I apologize. There are screenshots, I just haven't edited them yet. I will try to do them after work tonight, but they'll be up latest tomorrow. Part of it is too much work time, not owning enough USB cords to satisfy my needs, and having to rewrite parts of this review - which I don't do ever, but I made a lot of bad taste jokes and I will own up to that. On to the review. Next week will be better, promise.</strike></i><br />
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<i>Now with more pictures. I'm trying to implement a system in my hectic schedule to make sure this doesn't happen again. At any rate, I'm looking into getting a USB cord strictly for the computer.</i><br />
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I don’t remember this episode. I’m really starting to wonder about my memory skills. Anyway, we are a third of the way through season 2! Yay! Let’s get to it.<br />
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Ooh, it’s dark. Like, really dark. I think that wall is from the Lawson’s backyard, so I’m pretty sure this is the kitchen, but they couldn’t get at least a nightlight glow going on so I could see? And this guy is up to no good, breaking into the house. I think it’s a guy. It’s too dark to see.<br />
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So the guy shines the flashlight around and yes, it is the Lawson kitchen! It is <i>Small Wonder</i>, so it was a safe assumption. But you never know, it could be about theft in the neighborhood. This is like the worst burglar ever. He stopped to eat pie.<br />
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So the next stop on the burglar theft train is Jamie’s room, because that makes sense. Also, who leaves their house this dark when they go out? Leave a light on so you don’t bump into your furniture, and also people might think you’re home. Then he starts stealing Jamie’s toys. Why? They’re not even collectibles. Then he opens the cabinet and sees Vicki and screams. Vicki screams back.<br />
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Apparently the Lawsons went out to dinner, and this is the first time I’ve seen them exit through the garage. Convenient that they’re in the backyard. Ted’s got an upset stomach, and they spend a million years talking about it. How short was this episode running? Then Joan finally notices that the backdoor was broken into. Alpha male Ted has Joan and Jamie stay in the backyard while he checks it out. Ted has them come into the kitchen to see how burgled they were, and then he goes into the living room to check things out.<br />
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Dang, look at what happened during a part they skipped over in favor of that awesome Ted upset stomach conversation. So, Ted has them come see how burgled the living room was. Joan thinks of how lucky they were that they were all out when it happened, and Jamie reminds them that Vicki was at home. They realize their darling robot might not be safe and actually go to check on her. Aww, they love her when the plot demands it.<br />
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When they open the cabinet, Vicki screams, and the Lawsons scream in reaction. Ted asks if she’s okay, and Vicki says she’s functioning normally. I see, she’s too brave to bring up the psychological trauma. The Lawsons decide to call the police.<br />
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Joan is making a list of things that were stolen, and then Ted goes on and on about a putter. Again with nonsense filler conversation. The police officer finally shows up and reveals they only check for fingerprints in routine burglaries, and it would be different if there was a corpse. That’s what the police officer said when my house was robbed in 2001! Either <i>Small Wonder</i> got something right, or lazy cops stole the idea from <i>Small Wonder</i>. Okay, the thief apparently took the TV, and I’m calling shenanigans on that one. He did have a duffel with him, so I can see him carrying a lot of stuff, but he came in through the back, left through the front, and was startled by Vicki. Unless he noticed the child upstairs and took the TV on the way out, that involves way too many trips through the front door to steal the TV while trying to not be seen. When my house was robbed, they took the VCRs, DVD players, and videogame consoles, but they left the TVs. And <i>Small Wonder</i> was doing so good just a second ago.<br />
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Jamie asks if they’ll get the stuff back, and the cop says it’s not likely. The officer then asks if the Lawsons asked any of the neighbors if they saw anything, but Vicki speaks up and says she did. The officer is confused as to why Vicki was home, which the Lawsons cover up by saying she doesn’t like Mexican food. That’s not an excuse. But also, she’s 11 and it was for a few hours so it’s not a big deal. Vicki says that the thief ran out when he saw her. Then she gives a perfect description of the crook.<br />
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The police officer asks how the the crook got in, and says the lack of deadbolt made it easy. Um, no, the glass window made it easy. It’s one more step to turn the deadbolt unless you have the kind that needs a key from the inside, too, and very few people do. The police officer then suggests that they start a neighborhood watch program. He then offers to have another officer help them set it up. Then the police officer admits his own house has been hit up twice, and he has a guard dog. Yeah, and you’re also a police officer. And is everyone against security systems or something?<br />
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So the other police officer is giving tips to the neighborhood in the Lawson living room and Brandon Brindle is the only one I believe is actually from the neighborhood. She tells them to make it hard for the thief by putting up a neighborhood watch sign. How does that make it hard? That just tells them to be on the look out for people on the look out. She also tells them to put their lights on an automatic timer. Um, that’s exactly the kind of thing the Wet Bandits cased a neighborhood for in <i>Home Alone</i>. Get a security system. Then she gives some good tips, like don’t leave your newspapers all over your yard when you’re gone and don’t hide your spare key in obvious places. Then she quizzes the neighbors and apparently, if there’s an unfamiliar car in the neighborhood, you call neighborhood watch patrol and keep an eye on it. Apparently, people never get new neighbors or guests or even new cars. That sounds like a lot of work. Then Brandon admits he has a gun. Let's not get into super heavy issues, but I think we can all agree Brandon Brindle is the last person on Earth who needs to own a gun. He’s also the only neighbor to not join neighborhood watch. Again, I don’t think those other neighbors are neighbors and one of them is going to rob him blind.<br />
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Ted puts on the deadbolt and asks Joan to fool around, but Jamie walked into the kitchen. Apparently, if you go half way through an episode without making a sex joke you can just have the adult characters semi-discuss it. Jamie wants to show them something in the living room, and that something is Vicki with a siren on her head. He turned her into a security system. Jamie Lawson is the one who makes sense in this whole entire episode. Jamie Lawson. Shenanigans!<br />
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Jamie has Ted pretend to be a burglar, and when he comes in through the window Vicki sounds off an alarm and then flips Ted over the couch. Again, Jamie Lawson thought of this. Did I start watching a different show?<br />
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Then Harriet and Brandon come over. Brandon notices the deadbolt, but that conversation lasts one line. Oh, now they don’t have filler conversations. He actually had a purpose for coming over. Bonnie’s out bowling and he has a lodge meeting, and Harriet’s sitter called in sick, so he asks if they could watch Harriet. Oh, so his house is going to be empty, huh? The Lawsons agree and say for Harriet to come back after dinner, but Harriet Brindle Swindles herself a dinner invite when she finds out they’re having pizza.<br />
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Jamie and Vicki are going through the neighborhood watch brochure when Harriet comes over. Then a meter man comes over, but he’s a stranger so Vicki asks him to identify himself. Jamie seems apalled by this behavior, but dude, it was your idea. The meter man does not identify himself, so Vicki tosses him on his back. The meter man is so freaked out by Vicki, the Lawsons get a free month of electricity. Awesome sauce!<br />
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Ted is programming the entire house to be on a timer. It backfires. I’m surprised this man invented Vicki. Then Brandon comes over, excited because he won some election at his lodge. The police suddenly swarm, and the police officer says a thief was caught trying to break into the Brindle home. Brandon tries to say that the police have everything covered so neighborhood watch is dumb, but the police officer says neighborhood watch reported the robbery in the first place. The thief also stole Brandon’s gun, and it turns out he really is every bit the incompetent gun owner I pictured. But Vicki solves that problem and breaks the gun. The end.<br />
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This episode got a few things right, I guess, but it was kind of a chore. Too many filler conversations.Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03220091590941636964noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431970554256729368.post-44642834815808683362015-10-23T05:00:00.000-07:002015-10-23T05:00:13.315-07:00Season 2, Episode 5: Moving Up<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 14px;">I don’t remember this episode like, at all. The last time that happened, it was a completely forgettable episode. Let’s see if this episode is par for the course.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">Ted walks into the kitchen and sees Joan on the phone with someone named Natalie. There is no Natalie on <i>Small Wonder</i>. Joan doesn’t have friends. I’m already calling shenanigans on this episode. Ted is like “woman, I told you to stay off the phone” and Joan was like “my imaginary friend wanted to give me this recipe.” Is that a real thing? Did women in the 80s really just call each other to give each other recipes? Because that seems like an in-person thing. Ted asks Joan to stay off the phone because he’s expecting a call about whether or not he’s getting a new job at another robotics company. I have asked this before: why doesn’t Ted just create his own company? He made Vicki! Ted is excited because it’ll mean more money, but apparently Joan doesn’t want to move to Massachusetts and touch clams. Priorities.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">Jamie enters the kitchen and asks if he can invite Reggie over, and Joan says it’s okay. But then Jamie picks up the phone and Ted freaks out. When Jamie deservedly calls him out on it, Ted apologizes and says that waiting for the phone to ring is driving him crazy. Joan suggests that Ted work on that experiment with Vicki, and I just realized we’re two minutes into Small Wonder and there have been no robot shenanigans. That’s like the longest since the pilot. Ted makes Jamie come with him, probably so he can’t pick up the phone to call Reggie. Ted is a crazy person.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">They go up to Jamie’s room and Jamie wants to know what this experiment is all about. I do, too. Where is Vicki? What have they done to her this week? Ted decided that since Vicki’s been a slave for a year, he’s going to give her her freedom and allow her to make decisions for herself. Oh, so you’re going to be a good dad now? Because I somehow don’t see that happening. Ted tells Vicki she’s on her own for 24 hours and she can do what she wants - oh, yeah, there it is. He’s going to be a good dad for a day. Vicki actually says being on her own is totally awesome. This is all the poor robot slave has ever wanted. Jamie agrees with Vicki, so she reveals she learned the word when Reggie showed Jamie a Playboy. The robot made a sex joke. Show over.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">Wait, no, we’re only three minutes in and there’s like 67 episodes left. With Vicki’s newfound freedom, she goes into the kitchen and helps Joan cook. Poor slave. The phone rings and Ted answers the phone and acts like a madman. Apparently, he got the job. The new company president and his wife wants to come over, but Vicki misunderstands and thinks Ted means the Reagans. Dang, the 80s were a long time ago. Jamie comes into the kitchen wanting to know what all the yelling is about and Vicki excitedly tells him Ted got the job and swings Jamie around in a hug. It took them two minutes to get to the robot, but we still got our special effects in before the five minute mark. You’re beautiful, <i>Small Wonder</i>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">Jamie says he doesn’t want to move to a state that he can’t even spell and leaves, with Vicki on his tail. Ted wonders why Jamie isn’t more excited, which a small part of me gets why Ted thought Jamie would be excited. Jamie loves money. Joan says Jamie doesn’t want to leave his friends behind, and hints she doesn’t want to either. Joan, you don’t have friends. The Brindles don’t count; you hate them. Ted reveals he pretty much has to take the job, and Joan sadly understands.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">Oh my gosh, 80s special effects. You think you could light them better. Jamie says he has never felt so low, so Vicki picks him up in the chair. We’re still less than six minutes in. This episode is packing in a lot. Jamie tells Vicki to put him down, but she says she doesn’t have to because she’s on her own. Jamie threatens to rewire her ears so she’ll hear through her nose and she puts him down. Aww, they really are real siblings now. Harriet conveniently pops up in the window right after Vicki put Jamie down - imagine if she’d been five seconds earlier? We would have gotten a flimsy excuse, but that’s so season 1. Jamie tells Harriet what’s going on, and Harriet is upset that the wedding’s off. She compares them to Romeo and Juliet and just drops the word consummated. Vicki wants to know what the word means, but Harriet admits she doesn’t know and that she heard it on Dallas. Oh my gosh, a sex joke where neither party knows it’s a sex joke. Show over.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">No, no, there’s still more. Dang it. Joan comes up to talk to Jamie, and Harriet wants to listen in. Vicki closes the shade on her. Vicki really did pick up on a lot in the past year. Then Vicki decides to leave the room. Joan asks her where she’s going, and Vicki says she doesn’t know. Wow, the robot has learned boredom. Jamie tells Joan he doesn’t want to move, and when Joan tries to talk to him about it, and Jamie calls her out on the fact she doesn’t want to move, either. But they do agree to do it for Ted, even if it makes them miserable.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">When Vicki gets downstairs, Ted tells her to make coffee. Well, so much for giving the girl a full day. Vicki says no, so Ted threatens to dismantle her. Vicki suddenly decides that she wants to make coffee. Joan and Jamie come down and tell Ted they’re not happy about moving, but they will for him. Ted does the only selfless thing in his life and says they won’t move if it makes the family that miserable. Joan insists that they’re going, and Joan and Jamie feign an interest in winter. They’re still super unhappy but Ted is excited.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">Reggie and Jamie are hanging out in Jamie’s room and Reggie says he’ll miss Jamie. You know, I’m really glad that they managed to fit Reggie into the second act after mentioning him before they even showed the robot. Vicki comes up with a snack for the boys that she made herself, but then she throws them at Reggie. What did he do? Jamie decides to give Reggie a souvenir to remember him by, and Reggie takes Jamie’s surfboard.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">Joan is making hors deourves... hors d’eourves... little weenies for their guests and Ted freaks out about it. He wants everything to go perfect, and swears Joan will love the new bosses more than Brandon Brindle. Oh, a knock at the back door. I wonder who that could be? Brandon Brindle, of course. This episode is cramming the most people into it, I swear. Brandon is really upset that Ted is leaving. He gets even more upset when he finds out that Ted is moving up in the world. Brandon Brindle is a great friend.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">The Lawsons are all dressed up for their company. Well, Ted, Joan, and Jamie. Where is Vicki? I am asking that question too much for <i>Small Wonder</i>. Jamie reveals he put Vicki in the cabinet, but she can do what she wants so that’s not going to go well. The guests arrive and one of the first things they mention is that they expect Jamie to go to military school. Jamie excuses himself to do homework. The guests insult the house, and Joan is upset because she and Ted designed it themselves. But of course Ted is sucking up.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">So Vicki decides right now is the best time to vacuum. I guess vacuum before the guests arrive is not in her memory banks. Ted tells Vicki to go to her room but she says no, so he carries her off to the kitchen. The guests are surprised by Vicki’s appearance, and Joan says Vicki is their adopted daughter. The guests are shocked anyone would take in a stranger’s child and Joan just cannot take any more of them. Joan was the first one to truly love Vicki, so yeah, I can see why she’s insulted.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">Joan tells Ted he can take his new job and suck it, but Ted begs her to just go along with it. Then he threatens to turn Vicki into a blender. You couldn’t even be a good dad for one day, Ted. Ted and Joan return to the guests, and Brandon comes over and introduces himself. Vicki comes in and Reggie has come over to see Jamie. He apologizes for not knowing that there were guests, and Vicki insults them. Ted sends Reggie to Jamie’s room and tells him to take Vicki, too. The guests are totally racist. They totally insult Reggie. Ted has finally had enough and lays into them, and somehow defends Brandon. Things have taken a weird turn. And then Joan is super excited Ted is finally saying what everyone is thinking. Insult Vicki, it’s cool, but Reggie and Brandon each have a Y-chromosome and we just can’t have that in the home of an alpha male. Ted kicks the guests out.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">Brandon thanks Ted for defending him and says he’ll repay the favor some day - just not right now. Then Vicki comes downstairs and decides she’s going to play football in the house and she breaks the window. The end.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">This episode was okay. I mean, we see how much Ted is willing to sell out for, but he won’t put up with bigotry or the insulting of friends. But the Vicki being on her own plot was weird and felt like it was there because they forgot to write an episode of <i>Small Wonder </i>with the robot in it. It’s not a memorable episode, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. There are episodes I remember that I wish I could forget.</span></div>
Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03220091590941636964noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431970554256729368.post-49218119980854443632015-10-16T05:04:00.000-07:002015-10-16T05:04:00.172-07:00Season 2, Episode 4: Who's The Boss?It's my birthday! And this is how much I love you guys. Guys, we are reaching new levels of bad. Like, not fun, quirky <i>Small Wonder</i> bad. Not early 90s slang bad. Bad. Just... let’s get to it.<br />
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We start with Vicki and Jamie watching TV, and at first it sounds like a nature documentary but then it has dramatic music so I’m confused. Jamie turns off the TV and says he’ll never outgrow jungle pictures and does a Tarzan yell. Vicki mimics him and of course is better. Also, what’s the point of calling it a jungle picture and then making it super obvious it’s Tarzan? That call has to be way more copyrighted than the title, you know? Joan comes down and decides the living room is a mess and tells Jamie to clean it up. Jamie tries to get Vicki to do it, but Joan tells him to do it himself and learn some responsibility. If only he had parental role models to teach him that just because you have a robot slave doesn’t mean you have to use it. Joan. He learned it by watching you.<br />
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Ted comes down in a sombrero and... I just can’t describe it. This whole thing screams “Mexico” for all of the wrong reasons. Ted is super excited because the family is going on a Mexican cruise the next weekend. Yeah, that’s not happening. We haven’t gotten further than scenic that time you went to the woods. Mexico is not happening. Joan points out that they can’t go on the cruise unless someone cancels, but Ted gets her excited for it anyway.<br />
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Jamie finishes cleaning and wants to play basketball, but Ted has more chores for Jamie to do. Man, Joan and Ted are super allergic to work. Jamie asks what the parents do if he does all the work, and Joan starts with cook and clean. Liar. You haven’t done that in over a year. But then they do start to list legitimate stuff and Jamie gets the point. Ted and Joan leave to go shopping and they tell Jamie to have everything done - and if a Mr. Willis calls to tell him to hold the cabin and they’ll be back by four. That was some Vicki specific language, so I expect something to go wrong. Once the parents leave, Jamie and Vicki go to play basketball.<br />
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Jamie tries to spin a basketball on his finger, and Vicki shows him she can do it. She can do it on her head, too. Then Reggie comes over and tells Jamie that when he stays over the next weekend that his dad got them tickets to see Bruce Springsteen. Then when Reggie leaves, Harriet comes over and asks when Jamie is going to pick her up for the concert. He says never because he’s still resisting the chemistry. Jamie and Harriet forever, y’all. Harriet starts asking for souvenirs as the phone rings and I know this will go horribly. Mr. Willis calls and says that his parents should call him back by 1:00 at the latest. I know Jamie will get blamed for that, but how is it his fault that the agent gave him a time limit?<br />
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Joan and Ted come home and none of Jamie’s chores have been done, and Jamie isn’t even at home. He left a message on Vicki saying that he went to hang out at Reggie’s. Ted threatens to spank Jamie when he gets home, and Vicki mentions the Bruce Springsteen concert and the parents don’t think he’s old enough to go. When Jamie gets home, though, they end up agreeing. Joan says if they get lucky with the travel agent then they’ll all have a good weekend, and that’s when Jamie remembers to give them the message. I would have kept my mouth shut if it was already after 1, because doing the responsible thing always gets punished in Sitcomland. Ted and Joan are angry at Jamie, but that’s not his fault! Ted grounds Jamie and he throws a legitimate temper tantrum. Ted sends Jamie out to do his chores, and then throws a legitimate temper tantrum over not going to Mexico.<br />
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That night, Jamie complains that everyone is always telling him what to do, and Vicki points out everyone is always telling her what to do. Jamie says that’s because she’s a robot, so he wishes his parents were robots, too. Then we end up in a dream sequence! Why, Vicki’s cabinet seems to have grown. Jamie opens it up to reveal his entire family is robots! Oh, sitcom wackiness at it’s finest.<br />
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The thing I hate about Small Wonder is sometimes, for commercial breaks, they repeat what just happened when they come back. Commercial breaks were shorter in the 80s - how short do you think my memory is? I won’t remember the set up from two minutes ago? And people tuning in half way through an episode are already lost. And I know it was the exact same footage because the same guy was laughing like this was the first joke he'd ever been subjected to in his life and he had to make up for lost time. Also, with all the special effects, how did <i>Small Wonder</i> have a studio audience? I know <i>Sabrina</i> had canned laughter for that exact same reason.<br />
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So after the repeat set up, the robots are on the couch watching television. Vicki says she’ll never outgrow those jungle pictures, and Joanbot and Tedbot agree. Then all three robots do the Tarzan call. Guys, how much filler can one episode have? That entire first act was filler, you know. Then Jamie comes down copying Ted’s Mexican thing. Apparently, Jamie is excited for a Mexican singles cruise - guys, why? Why can’t this show just be normal bad? The robots decide to go play basketball, but Jamie makes them do chores first. The robots are upset that everyone tells them what to do. Jamie decides to leave and tells the robots if the travel agent calls to tell him that Jamie’ll be home by four. This is the worst set-up for an Aesop ever. I took Jamie’s side and everything. This might be my second least favorite episode. Then Tedbot asks for chocolate microchip ice cream. Groan.<br />
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The robots are all spinning basketballs on their fingers in the backyard when Reggie comes over. I hate this episode. Reggie invites them all to a Lawrence Welk concert. The robots get excited. This episode is making me sleepy. If my review ends abruptly, I fell asleep. This episode literally has no point. Then when Reggie leaves, Harriet comes over and asks when they’re picking her up for the concert. They say never because this is Jamie’s dream, and Jamie dreams of stuff that already happened. Then the phone rings, and Harriet asks for souvenirs. Wow.<br />
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Jamie comes home and the robots didn’t do any of the chores. Tedbot and Joanbot left, but they left a message on Vicki - they went to Reggie’s house to hang out. Vicki mentions the Lawrence Welk concert, but Jamie doesn’t think he wants them to go. Jamie agrees to let them go, but then the robots reveal that he missed out on his cruise, so they don’t get to go to their concert. Then the electricity and the phone stops working, and then Tedbot reveals that the mortgage hasn’t been paid either, and the whole thing turns into a nightmare except I’m still watching this episode.<br />
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Ted and Joan wake up Jamie and he tells them about his dream. Jamie tells his parents he appreciates them, then they check on Vicki in the cabinet, and then the episode is over. No, I didn’t fall asleep, that is just how they ended it. End credits and everything.<br />
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There were special effects this week, but it was that tired about face thing I’ve already mentioned like 9000 times because once you find one gag you think is funny you don’t try anything else. It’s only worth mentioning now because Joan and Ted got in on it in Jamie’s dream, but - bleh.<br />
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So this episode was completely awful. No redeeming qualities at all. Well, except this is going to be the new cover on the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/SmallWonderReviewed" target="_blank">Facebook page</a>:<br />
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Let’s hope for better next week.Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03220091590941636964noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431970554256729368.post-90164233913121807292015-10-09T05:31:00.000-07:002015-10-09T05:31:00.101-07:00Season 2, Episode 3: My Mother the TeacherSo I’ve said a million times I do the episodes in production order, except for the exception I’ll be making in season four. This episode is a perfect example of why. It originally aired well before the episode I reviewed last week, but in that episode Mrs. Fernwald asked Joan if she was still tutoring Vicki, and in this one Vicki starts school. I can’t criticize continuity because it was aired out of the order it was made in, because they technically kept it. Anyway, let’s get to it.<br />
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<i>Small Wonder</i> has the cutest aprons. At least they make sure the women staying in the kitchen are dressed to impress. Anyway, Joan is clipping coupons and has Vicki making mashed potatoes. She tells Vicki to put the beater into the potatoes and spin it real fast, so of course Vicki spins herself really fast. That’s kind of stretching it, but whatever. <i>Small Wonder</i> has a special effects budget, so by gosh, they’re going to use it. Joan blames herself for Vicki’s mistake,but come on. Vicki needs to learn how pronouns work - wait, isn’t Joan Vicki’s teacher? Yes, Joan, blame yourself for not doing your one fake job.<br />
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Ted comes home and asks Joan how her day was as he notices the potato gunk everywhere. Joan says terrible, so Ted makes a joke about the mess. Ted, this woman hits you on the regular - do you really want to poke the bear? Joan explains she’s bored because Ted built a robot child slave so she has nothing better to do. Just because you have a robot slave doesn’t mean you have to use it all the time! Anyway, Ted realizes we’re two minutes into the episode and nobody has made a sex joke yet so he gets it out of the way.<br />
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Jamie comes home from school and asks Ted if he even went to work because he left his parents in the same position, but Ted just says you can’t overdo a good thing. Jamie goes on about how great school was because his teacher got sick and he got a two hour recess. Wait, who gets recess in junior high?! Man, I got ripped off. Jamie also refers to his teacher as a battleax and commented with pure glee how green she turned. So of course his parents chastise him and remind him empathy is a thing, right? Have you seen <i>Small Wonder</i>? Ted simply suggests they’ll have the battleax replaced with a sub by the next day. Jamie points out that all the teachers are sick and the principal is having a hard time finding enough subs - who is poisoning the teachers? Flu my foot, not that many teachers are sick if the kids aren’t. Anyway, Joan comments that she actually read about that in the paper, and Ted points out Joan could do the job.<br />
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Joan doesn’t know if she’s really ready to actually use that teaching credential that she drove herself crazy to earn, but Ted says it would help him out to have Vicki go to a public school with public kids. What?! How do you keep continuity and ignore it in the same five minutes? The whole reason Joan has her teaching credential is because you didn’t want Vicki to go to a public school with public kids. Season three, where are you? I need me some Vanessa and LES. Ted and Jamie encourage Joan to do it and she decides to call the principal. Ted tells Vicki that she’ll be going to school, and she mimics Jamie’s comments about his teacher. It doesn’t even make sense but the Lawsons all seem to think it’s funny. That wacky robot.<br />
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So we finally see the inside of Jamie’s school. It is very depressing. My school at least painted the lockers to not match the walls. Jamie and Vicki walk up to Reggie and he wants to know what Vicki’s doing in school. Jamie says Vicki’s going to be in their class, which Reggie thinks is cool but he thought Vicki didn’t go to school with them because she was a snob. Wait, isn’t Vicki supposed to be a year younger than them? Don’t question that, Reggie, just insult the girl. Vicki doesn’t know what a snob is, so Reggie acts it out for her. Expect it to come back later. Reggie’s locker is stuck, so Vicki rips it off the hinges for him. Reggie is impressed.<br />
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Reggie worries about the pop quiz they did the day before, and Jamie says he’ll put in a good word with the new teacher since they’re pretty close. Reggie asks the teacher’s name and Jamie says “Mom.” It was a tired joke. I’d rather have last week’s cringiness over that joke. Reggie is excited that Joan is going to be the teacher, and tells the class that she’s the nicest person in the world. Jamie calls his mother a push-over. Oh my gosh, why have they not abandoned him in a shopping center yet? Punky Brewster’s mom did it and Punky’s actually awesome. Even Sitcomland has no justice.<br />
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Joan thanks the principal for the opportunity, and he tells her being a teacher is no different than being a housewife. “Instead of yelling at your own kids for no money, you’ll be yelling at someone else’s kids for no money.” I like that joke! I like the principal. I think he comes back a few times. That makes me happy. The principal introduces Joan and Vicki to the class. Joan gets nervous in front of the class and says she is new even though she’s qualified, then points out the class should be the nervous ones. Please let this be foreshadowing. Joan asks if the class was going over - um, something - before the teacher left and Jamie says “that’s right, Mom.” Then he laughs like he just pulled a prank. I am over him. Joan tells him to raise his hand and that she’s not Mom, she’s Mrs. Lawson. Then Jamie asks if he has to call her that at home, too. Send him to the principal’s office.<br />
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Joan starts asking the class questions as a review, and Vicki starts answering all the questions. I mean, she raises her hand first, but dang Vicki is rude. Jamie tells Vicki to cool it, but she doesn’t listen. Reggie asks Joan to tell Vicki to give the rest of the class a chance because showing off how smart she is is just rude. We agree, Reggie! Reggie actually called her a snob, though, so Vicki acts it out and that is apparently the classes cue to stop caring and start throwing things. I’m 100% sure this episode of <i>Small Wonder</i> is why I never wanted to be a teacher.<br />
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Joan gets mad, as she rightfully should, and she sends students to the board to write that they will not misbehave 100 times. It’s not going to fit, but I trust your judgment Mrs. Lawson. She makes Reggie write a 500 word composition on the revolutionary war, and the rest of the class has to read six chapters. Joan tells them not to complain because they started it. Reggie decides Mrs. Lawson is more of a monster than a pushover. No, she’s just a mom. Moms are all cool until you misbehave. Reggie tells Jamie to get rid of her. Joan asks Jamie what they’re talking about and when he says nothing, Vicki repeats one of the comments. Love that robot.<br />
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Ted comes home from work and Vicki is in the living room vacuuming. Ted says hi, and Vicki sucks up his tie in the vacuum. She’s just not in the mood for Ted at all today, I guess. He asks Vicki what she learned in school, and she said throw a spitball. Ted repeats it, so Vicki throws a spitball at him. Love that robot. Ted walks into the kitchen and immediately tells Joan he disapproves of her teaching methods. Doesn’t even say hi or make a sex joke. I think he’s being serious. Joan explains some of the kids got out of hand but she nipped it in the bud, and Ted somehow turns that into a sex joke. I guess I spoke too soon. Jamie comes home with his backpack on and I just don’t understand how he’s barely coming home from school when Joan is there and Vicki even had time to vacuum. Did Joan give him detention? Wait, he came home after Ted in the beginning, too - Jamie doesn’t play sports. Just what is he up to after school?! I need to know.<br />
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Jamie says he needs to talk to Joan alone, and Ted says, “real man to person stuff, huh?” So who’s the man? A twelve year old? And why couldn’t he say “woman”? Is that a ridiculous notion? Either way, for once, Ted isn’t a heel and decides to check the mail so Jamie and Joan can have their privacy. Jamie tries to get Joan to quit, but she doesn’t take the bait. Jamie fakes being happy about it, but then immediately tries to convince Ted to get Joan to quit and somehow Ted works in another sex joke. Like, has he just not been getting enough? Because this is getting ridiculous. Ted can tell something is really bothering Jamie, so Ted coaxes it out of Jamie. Ted ends up taking Joan’s side, so Jamie decides to program Vicki to help Joan decide being a teacher sucks.<br />
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The next day, Jamie and Vicki sneak out of a classroom. Reggie approaches them and asks what they’ve done about Joan. Jamie promises she’s taken care of, and Reggie says she better be or Jamie’s next and then pantomimes a hanging. Wow, some best friend. Joan asks if everyone did what she assigned and they say yes, so she just takes their word for it. Really? Because the first thing I would have done was given them a pop quiz. You really need to commit to your punishments, Joan. Joan starts to teach them about George Washington, and then pulls down a map of the United States - why? America was slightly different in the 1700s. Either way, there’s a drawing of a monster man on the map and it startles Joan. She asks who did it, but when no one fesses up she agrees to let it go this time. So of course she immediately finds chattering teeth on her desk. Dude, Joan’s kids are lame. This is the best a troublemaker and a robot could come up with? Joan threatens them with the pop quiz she should have given them in the first place and finds a giant spider balloon in the desk. These Lawson children are not creative.<br />
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Joan has finally had it, so Joan demands an answer. Vicki says she cannot tell a lie, and Joan deflates when she think her darling daughter is involved. However, Vicki blames Jamie, but Jamie is quick to point out Vicki helped. Just like real siblings! Joan sends them both to the principal’s office. Uh, Joan, you know Vicki had to be programmed, right? She didn’t do this of her own volition. You’re not Ted. She tells the class that if it ever happens again she’ll send them all to the principal’s office and then immediately sits on a whoopie cushion.<br />
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At home, Jamie is picking at his dinner and his parents tell him to eat it. Jamie’s upset that Joan sent him to the principal’s office - well, because you turned your classroom into a circus, dude. I’m still upset she sent Vicki. Ted starts to say Jamie deserved it, but gets sidetracked when he finds out that Joan sent Vicki, too. Look at Ted being a good robotic father this episode. He got choked for no reason so I’m giving him one free pass in a future episode. Joan justifies it by saying she was upset and they did do it together. Ted explains to Jamie that it would be wrong if Jamie had done that to any teacher, but then he wants to know why because it’s not like Jamie to act that way. Damn, he’s being a good normal father, too. Why is Ted not written this way in every episode? I could like this Ted! Vicki speaks up for Jamie and explains that Jamie wants Joan gone so he’d still have some friends left. The kids explain that the other children don’t like her, and it upsets Joan. She agrees to quit, which makes Jamie happy, but Ted disapproves. And he’s being a good husband this episode?! Seriously, if it wasn’t for the 9000 sex jokes made earlier in the episode, I literally could not complain about Ted this episode. That is a first!<br />
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Jamie tells the other students that Joan is leaving, and they get excited. Then Joan and the principal walk in together. The principal says that many of the children have complained to their parents, but the parents have been calling in to thank him for employing a teacher like her. It turns out that the real teacher is quite sick and so Joan is staying for a long time. Yeah, that’s not the flu. Someone poisoned that teacher. The police need to be investigating the matter. Joan says she does want to be the kids’ friends so that they need to work towards that. Then she finds one left over prank from the day before, so Vicki drags Jamie with her as she takes herself to the principal’s office. The end.<br />
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That was hard. I’m seriously concerned about what happened to the original teacher, but that’s never being touched upon again. I'm also seriously concerned about Vicki. So, at first I thought Vicki vacuuming Ted was a "I'm tired of this bull" thing, but actually, I noticed this when I re-watched the episode:<br />
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Vicki is dusting Jamie! She is malfunctioning. Ted, you were such a good dad this episode - how about doubling down and being a good inventor? Notice your robot's cries for help!<br />
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<b>Firsts:</b> Vicki goes to school, we see the inside of the school, Ted wasn’t an insufferable toolAmandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03220091590941636964noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431970554256729368.post-44296507634679316392015-10-02T05:55:00.000-07:002015-10-02T05:55:00.142-07:00Season 2, Episode 2: The Shoplifter<div class="MsoNormal">
I was starting to review this episode before I burned out and realized it was just too hard to do on a Nook. Feels like - a year longer than it actually was. Guys - we’re really really back! Let’s get started.</div>
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We start with Ted entering the kitchen and telling Vicki to pour him a cup of coffee before immediately blocking said cup of coffee with a newspaper because we need to start of with the robot wackiness right away. And Vicki delivers on the wackiness. Maybe next time don’t make your request so impossible, Ted. At least Jamie and Joan appreciate Vicki’s solution.</div>
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Apparently, the reason Ted couldn’t put down the paper for even ten seconds was because he was enthralled with an article about kid shoplifters. Vicki doesn’t know what shoplifting is, so Joan tells her. In the real world, that wouldn’t backfire, but this is Sitcomland. Ted and Joan show disgust in the epidemic, with Joan going as far as to say the parents are to blame and they should be punished. Oh, I wish that couldn’t possibly be a set up.</div>
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The front doorbell rings, which surprised me because guests always know what room the Lawsons are in. Weird. Jamie volunteers to answer it - wait, complimenting Vicki, not being lazy - guys, Jamie’s been body snatched. It’s Vicki’s social worker, Mrs. Fernwald! Jamie recognized her by her hat. Yeah. So he tells his parents she’s there and they freak out because of that whole fraud thing that went down during the whole adoption process - all of which could have been avoided if Ted didn’t have to act like he was a KGB agent and Vicki was a Soviet secret. It’s 1986, I choose to believe that analogy works.</div>
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Turns out, Mrs. Fernwald is just checking in on Vicki because that’s what social workers do. They don’t place kids and forget about them. It’s baffling the times <i>Small Wonder</i> chooses to add realism to the show, but I actually appreciate it. Mrs. Fernwald even makes sure Joan is still a credentialed teacher. I like Mrs. Fernwald.</div>
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Mrs. Fernwald even brought Vicki a birthday present, and Ted and Joan are confused by the fact that they gave Vicki a birthday. Yeah, you guys did that when you forged her birth certificate. Get it together, guys. Joan actually brilliantly covers by saying they’re throwing Vicki a surprise party, which Ted nearly blows by smartly saying he just learned of it. Ted, you are just the worst. Mrs. Fernwald invites herself to the birthday party because I would, too. This Ted person is super suspicious. She asks what time and mentions she has an appointment at 4:00. So of course the party is at 4:00! Mrs. Fernwald says she’ll change the appointment because I would, too. These Lawsons can’t be trusted.</div>
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Joan wonders how they’re going to pull off having a surprise party, and Ted says, “I don’t know, surprise me.” So Joan punches him in the stomach. That is how Houdini died! That is straight up spousal abuse! It was a stupid joke, but dang, that was a bit of an overreaction! No wonder Ted acts so alpha! That is not even the first time Joan has hit Ted, but this is the first time it made me question how okay it actually is. Then she drags him upstairs by the hood of his sweatshirt. How are the Brindles not seeing and reporting that?!</div>
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Jamie takes Vicki to a department store, and I already see a guy following them. I’ve been followed in a department store, so I know what it looks like. If your job is following people in a department store, be less obvious. Jamie asks Vicki if she knows what they’re going to do and she says “shoplift.” Take her home right now, Jamie! That is your red flag.</div>
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Jamie ignores the obvious red flag and tells Vicki they’re shopping for her birthday present, but first they’re doing some browsing. When Jamie steps away, the guy I knew was following them approaches Vicki and asks if she needs help with anything and she mimics Jamie’s browsing. So, clearly this guy is on top of making sure theft doesn't happen. Or, wait, this is <i>Small Wonder</i>.</div>
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Jamie spots some gold watches and he wishes he could take the whole display case. So Vicki lifts the display case. That is your second red flag, Jamie. Jamie points out a specific watch with diamonds that Joan would like, then walks away literally ten seconds after saying he can’t take his eyes off of Vicki. So of course she takes it. Did the guy following her miss both of these things? Why is he employed?</div>
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Speaking of suspiciously absent people, Harriet finally shows up while Joan is half-ass looking at a box of what I assume is decorations? Harriet says she happened to be under the kitchen door that morning, so Joan assumes she overheard about Vicki’s birthday party. How? That went down in the living room. Just how good is the hearing of a Brindle? Harriet says she noticed that the geraniums needed watering and then asks if she can come to the party now that she knows about it. Joan is reluctant but agrees. She did bring it on herself by assuming.</div>
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Jamie and Vicki come home and Jamie tells Vicki he got her a present for himself because robots don’t have birthdays. Ah, the body snatcher has left and the real Jamie has returned. Vicki says she got “Mom” a birthday present. I don’t think she’s ever called Joan “Mom” before! She always calls her Jamie's mom. This would be a much sweeter moment if she didn’t reveal a stolen watch, further proving what a disturbed child she is. Neglect Vicki less, Lawsons. Jamie is shocked, but Vicki is super nonchalant about the whole thing. Jamie realizes Ted will murder them both so decides to take the watch back. I’ve watched enough 80s sitcoms to know that is the wrong response. It seems like the responsible thing to do, but that’s when you get busted.</div>
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The guy who failed at following the Lawson children before approaches the kids immediately upon entering the store, but Jamie can’t recognize red flags and doesn’t realize they should abort the mission. He decides he’ll create a distraction while Vicki puts the watch back.</div>
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So Jamie decides this isn’t suspicious behavior. We’re in cringe territory. I hate cringe territory. He claims his malaria is back as a crowd forms. I just... can I review just half an episode? No? Well, okay...</div>
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Of course Vicki gets busted putting it back. You should have been lookout, Jamie, not - whatever the hell that was.</div>
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Joan has set up the party and Ted says he had a hard time finding Vicki a present. He is carrying golf clubs. You don’t want to question that, Joan? He left you to set up while he bought a dress then played golf. You know that, right? </div>
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The doorbell rings and Mrs. Fernwald has returned. Oh, this is going to be good. Harriet comes soon after, bringing back the punch bowl Bonnie had borrowed six months prior - that’s Harriet’s present. Practical.</div>
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Jamie calls and Ted pulls Joan into the kitchen. That’s not suspicious behavior. Mrs. Fernwald strikes up a conversation with Harriet, and Harriet says the sweetest thing she has ever said - Vicki is the only girl she likes more than herself. Then she calls Vicki weird, so that was short-lived. Mrs. Fernwald wants to know more.</div>
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In the kitchen, Joan and Ted are trying to figure out where they went wrong with Vicki. Guys, I have documentation. Like remember that time you tried to make her worse at chess than you because you’re a sore loser, Ted? At least Ted blames himself, as he should. I guess he can be a real man sometimes. But also Joan needs to take blame this time. She was the one who accidentally programmed Vicki. Ted goes to try and help the kids, and Joan walks in on Harriet telling Mrs. Fernwald about the whole standing in the cabinet and talking like a robot thing. Joan covers it with “vivid imagination.” Yeah, those two words can cover most forms of weirdness. Also, Vicki always talks like a robot, so what crack is everyone one that they only notice sometimes?</div>
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So the guy who was following the kids is the store detective. Some detective! He missed Vicki picking up an entire display case. Ted and Jamie try pleading Vicki’s case, but Vicki chooses the wrong time to mimic people. Then Vicki steals the watch again and says to blame it on the parents. Oh, that robot. Also, this guy has yet to actually catch Vicki while she steals. How is he employed? How much merchandise walks out that doesn't conveniently walk back in?</div>
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Back home, Joan tries to send Mrs. Fernwald away, but she doesn’t want to disappoint Vicki. Yeah, I agree, this party is pretty sad having just two guests and all. The doorbell rings and Joan opens it to Ted, Jamie, Vicki, the store detective, and a police officer. Fun! Now the party can really get started!</div>
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The store detective says he has a warrant to search the house for stolen merchandise, and it’s Mrs. Fernwald to the rescue! She defends Vicki and also apparently hits on the store detective - isn’t she married? Then she asks him out. Why? Why is this show so awkward?</div>
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So, everything is resolved and the Lawsons wish Vicki a happy birthday. Vicki wishes Joan a happy birthday and reveals she stole the watch again. Rule of threes guys, rule of threes. Ted is quick to return it, but you know what - with everything they went through, I would have kept it. The watch was just meant to be theirs for free.</div>
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That’s it for this week. Another week where they do something good, so they doubled down on the stupid and awkward.</div>
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<b>Firsts</b>: Vicki calls Joan “Mom”</div>
Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03220091590941636964noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431970554256729368.post-91087364530530716412015-09-25T05:24:00.000-07:002015-09-25T05:24:00.069-07:00Season 2, Episode 1: Money, Money, Money<div>
<span style="font-size: 14px;">Here it is, season 2! Twenty-four episodes and then we will be exactly half way through the series. And I know this took forever, but I really really needed a laptop. I have it now and it is now a nonstop flight to the end of the series! I’ll even get to update the drinking game with quirks from season 2! Guys, I’m excited! Anyway, this episode has both Jessica and Warren, so we’re starting off with the recurrers.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">Before I get started, I want to remind everyone that I review in production order. <i>Smoker’s Delight</i> was the first second season episode aired, but it was produced mid-season. I’m only going to make one exception to the whole production order thing, and I’ll explain it when I get to it. It’s not until season 4, though. Anyway, let’s get to it!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">Season 2 has a new title sequence! This will also be the last season to use the original theme song.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">Ted’s sequence starts the same, but we cut to him using a computer at home. Computers are way cooler than eating lunch, yo.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">Joan still starts off in the kitchen, with those googly eye glasses I warned you about last season, but her freeze frame is in the living room. Possible foreshadowing of her character growth?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">Jamie is in the kitchen making the most ridiculous sandwich ever. This sequence is actually one of the ones I remembered best as a kid. That sandwich embeds itself into memories.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">Vicki is out of the kitchen! Wait, where is Emily Schulman’s credit? Anyway, Vicki karate chops the table. Women’s lib!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">Oh, there’s Harriet. They flipped Emily Schulman and Tiffany Brissette in the credits. Anyway, Harriet is eavesdropping because that’s so Harriet.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">And the credits end with Vicki clicking them off through Ted’s computer. It makes no sense, but on TV it makes the commercials happen anyway.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">Okay, actual episode. Jessica is dressing better! Anyway, Jamie asks if he can sit and Jessica’s like, “of course!” However, as soon as he does sit down, Jessica bolts. She still hates you, dude.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">Jamie asks Jessica for a date, claiming to have matured now they’re in junior high. That is the same damn school. This is like how Degrassi Community School was a junior high and somehow became a high school with almost no transition. Anyway, Jessica’s like, “I’m still too good for you.” She tells Jamie he’s adorable, but she only dates for money. She’s 12. Jessica’s parents have majorly failed her. Recognize the red flag and bail out, Jamie!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">Harriet walks up to Jamie and makes her feelings about Jessica clear - Harriet’s not a fan. I do not blame her. Jamie is shocked that Harriet’s on his campus in the first place. Harriet says she wanted to have lunch with Jamie, but he’s hung up on the fact that she’s still in elementary school. Dude, it’s not her fault the schools look the same. Harriet doesn’t understand why Jamie would want someone pretty like Jessica when Jamie could have someone like her, but Jamie helpfully reminds her that she likes Warren. I’m pretty sure that was for like five seconds a year ago. Harriet says she’s over him right when Warren comes out. She doesn’t like scenes this week, so she bolts. Or maybe she just doesn’t like scenes when they involve her. Either way, she’s faster than the Flash.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">Warren is jealous at how Harriet pines for Jamie, and sad that girls don’t like him. Jamie tries to comfort Warren with the knowledge that he’s the smartest kid in school, but Warren would trade it all “for a night of wild passion.” He actually said that. He’s TWELVE. Warren needs to go back to dating Vicki or he’s going to be that smart kid that goes to community college because he knocked a girl up junior year. You can’t get a robot pregnant. Yet. If this show had gone on long enough, Ted would have found a way, I’m sure.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">Back at the house, Ted is programming Vicki. Joan comes out of the kitchen to ask for Vicki’s help making dinner. Ted says she’s busy and tells Vicki to about face. Vicki only turns her head around (get it, about FACE?) and Joan gets bothered. That’s continuity! It bothered her in season 1, too. Ted gets Vicki to make her body join her head before revealing that he’s programmed Vicki to be their accountant and he’s pretty much given her power of attorney over the finances. Oh, that is absolutely not going to backfire at all. Also, how weird is it that Ted had to access Vicki’s back panel to teach her to be in charge of the family budget? Sure, she can learn defibrillation from TV, but handing her an accounting textbook does not take into account how complicated the expenses for a family of four can be, especially when one of them doesn’t eat.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">Of course, since the Lawsons are now watching their money, the first words out of Jamie’s mouth as he walks in the door is, “Dad, I need a raise in my allowance.” Ted tells Jamie to take it up with the boss, so he asks Joan and that’s supposed to be funny? Look, robot or no, I wouldn’t assume my younger sibling was the boss of anything, either. Vicki decides Jamie doesn’t need a raise. He’s getting $3 a week in 1986, so I agree. I got, like, $1 a week until 1997 and I made it work. Jamie doesn’t like that answer, however, so he hits Vicki. Lovely behavior to teach children.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">Jamie reveals he needs the money for Jessica, but his family is like, “you’re too good for that skank.” You really are, Jamie. You’re a little jerk that just hit your little sister for saying something you didn’t like, and you’re still too good for Jessica. That’s how horrible Jessica is. For absolutely no reason other than it occupied time, Ted reveals that there is an emergency fund of $200 that only Vicki knows where it is, and only Vicki can decide what an emergency is. Jamie needed to know that? It’s obvious they needed a filler device, probably to make up for the fact the B-plot isn’t a plot.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">I’m assuming it’s the next day at school, but who really knows? <i>Small Wonder</i> has no regards for time or cuts that actually makes sense. Anyway, Warren asks Jamie for a minute of his time and Jamie says it has to be fast because he has “some heavy breathing to do with Jessica.” Children watched this show. These kids are 12. They don’t need to make so many sex jokes. I mean, I get it’s Small Wonder and if they don’t constantly make sex jokes, they will die, but dude, there has to be limits.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">Warren decides Jamie should be his love guru, a position Jamie declines until Warren agrees to pay him. Warren claims he has a lot of money saved up because he has no one to spend it on. Bullshit. Screw other people, Warren is a nerd in 1986. NES is the BFF he spends all his cash on. Anyway, Jamie decides that Warren can follow him around on a date in exchange for Warren bankrolling the whole thing. Jamie then borrows the giant wad of money Warren inexplicably carries around with him at all times, maybe because muggings only exist in Sitcomland in very special episodes. Jamie uses the money to seduce Jessica, and it obviously works because Jessica is a skank. I’m not even going to comment on the fact that she only needed to check a $1 bill to decide Jamie was loaded now. Anyone can... you know what, no. That’s commenting.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">Back at the Lawson homestead, Vicki is memorizing a budget meal cookbook, and Harriet comes over to leave a message for Jamie with Joan. Harriet thinks Jessica is trouble and wants Jamie to know she might not be as pretty, but she wouldn’t hurt Jamie as badly. You’re beautiful where it counts, Harriet. Joan agrees to pass on the message. Ted comes home just then and wants to know what Harriet’s problem was. I don’t think he actually cared, he just needed dialogue to cross the room. Ted starts bitching about the budget, and after finding out cabbage is for dinner, he decides “screw the budget” and tries to get Vicki to give up the emergency fund so he and Joan can go out to dinner. I don’t even know where to begin with pointing out all the obvious alternatives. When Vicki decides this isn’t an emergency, Ted threatens to dismantle her, but he threatens it so much that Vicki just doesn’t care. Then, to prove he’s robot father of the year, Ted calls Vicki a bucket of bolts, but she’s just so over him. Man, I really wish the show had gone on into Vicki’s teen years.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">Jamie and Jessica show up to “La Petit Maison” for their date, and naturally, the maitre’d wants to know how Jamie’s going to pay. I also would not trust 12 year olds in a fancy restaurant, so bravo for some actual realism here. The maitre'd seats them, and there's some tired gag about how Jamie lied about knowing French and then Jessica asks him when grenouille is. Maybe the gag wasn't so overdone in the 80s that everyone and their dog knew grenouille was frogs legs, but come on. </span><span style="font-size: 14px;">Jamie gets up to ask the maitre'd what grenouille is, and the maitre'd points out Warren, who's been hiding in a plant. Jamie says Warren is his chauffer, and the maitre'd promises to take good care of Jamie and Jessica.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: 14px;"> </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPjCTCVWNlPvjuSN_ErFjH7URl67YxHJYy-8IOpZ2Q8Lerf6Q3bPmznZ3WDcpKrlaUmJq_aecy22WwxE0a_XjWQ3jDvW_TqrXakJf1nmKslNsUI_Xe1QEXU26eyGugr9rdhexIIsQVA5NM/s1600/Aviary+Photo_130874148601955294.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="248" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPjCTCVWNlPvjuSN_ErFjH7URl67YxHJYy-8IOpZ2Q8Lerf6Q3bPmznZ3WDcpKrlaUmJq_aecy22WwxE0a_XjWQ3jDvW_TqrXakJf1nmKslNsUI_Xe1QEXU26eyGugr9rdhexIIsQVA5NM/s320/Aviary+Photo_130874148601955294.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: 14px;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: 14px;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: 14px;">After the lovely dinner, Warren shows up to ask for cab fare home. It leads to everything coming out about how Jamie was just using Warren’s money to look rich. Since Jessica is a 12-year-old skank that doesn’t care about anything but money, she leaves with Warren and the wad of cash. This leaves Jamie with no money to pay the bill, forcing him to call his parents.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: 14px;"> </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdaDzXxeTAAuupOU_-mGBcaVoHi1hX5_m0zS8Pik0G_HWKDrkGZX9kLFIhlKt9gyaaVZvYy7jKGL9mS5w3eKbDA-MBoWu2XwNXqmDYJntJ85MjR9DFgqNaWvIijT7NwTGNCx3f0lqrfgME/s1600/Aviary+Photo_130874149041872881.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="247" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdaDzXxeTAAuupOU_-mGBcaVoHi1hX5_m0zS8Pik0G_HWKDrkGZX9kLFIhlKt9gyaaVZvYy7jKGL9mS5w3eKbDA-MBoWu2XwNXqmDYJntJ85MjR9DFgqNaWvIijT7NwTGNCx3f0lqrfgME/s320/Aviary+Photo_130874149041872881.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: 14px;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: 14px;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: 14px;">The Lawsons are now in their living room, and they decide now is a good time rip Jamie a new one. Because doing that on the way home is so passe, or even through the door. They have to be in "rip Jamie a new one" positions. Also, why is Joan standing while the robot sits? <i>Small Wonder</i>: who cares if the framing is awkward? </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: 14px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVduoJogDwWJlZJcCBvgXcQpO31RESkGmdRYXbMc3UJqD6zLRJ_NNvoZMZsuW7HEodW2JJRTihsJCpL4MNC7aMwKZ_tnsk1NDUlfLBkVLgQv6DFoYsHaHr1kbn3zC-fgAHL8juSEICzML7/s1600/Aviary+Photo_130874149503764249.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVduoJogDwWJlZJcCBvgXcQpO31RESkGmdRYXbMc3UJqD6zLRJ_NNvoZMZsuW7HEodW2JJRTihsJCpL4MNC7aMwKZ_tnsk1NDUlfLBkVLgQv6DFoYsHaHr1kbn3zC-fgAHL8juSEICzML7/s320/Aviary+Photo_130874149503764249.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: 14px;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: 14px;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: 14px;">Ted explains to Vicki that they no longer have money because they had to bail Jamie out. Vicki agrees that this is an emergency and reveals she ate the money. Oh, what do you know, dismantling Vicki actually would have worked out for Ted for once. That’s what he gets for never committing. Vicki has Ted use her front panel as an ATM keypad, and then she makes it rain because <i>Small Wonder</i> is all about the special effects.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: 14px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5zCplLtXhxtc-DZaitdi3tlpyjk4tVT9M2NVDYHqQWj-fSCQ2w9o-sTOQIgfdqLQ5SfTGLcjec5jJ3gnOY30pNe__TsCdzbZ5ffJFHkWamuQUUC7F9zbOCbZJNOvJPz384QcCKTtRUu-r/s1600/Aviary+Photo_130874149831805124.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="249" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5zCplLtXhxtc-DZaitdi3tlpyjk4tVT9M2NVDYHqQWj-fSCQ2w9o-sTOQIgfdqLQ5SfTGLcjec5jJ3gnOY30pNe__TsCdzbZ5ffJFHkWamuQUUC7F9zbOCbZJNOvJPz384QcCKTtRUu-r/s320/Aviary+Photo_130874149831805124.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: 14px;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: 14px;"> </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: 14px;">The end. This was a painful start to season 2, but we’ll live. I hope.</span></div>
Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03220091590941636964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431970554256729368.post-85738637471312190852015-09-10T12:23:00.002-07:002015-09-10T12:23:26.867-07:00Small Wonder Reviewed Is Returning!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe width="320" height="266" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/3yjF_aDjpLM/0.jpg" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/3yjF_aDjpLM?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></div>
<br />
<br />
Okay, so if you can't watch the video, the overview is I just bought a laptop, so Small Wonder Reviewed will start updating again! When? Either September 25 or October 2 - I will keep you posted. I'm going to start season 2 completely over, so we're going to pretend like that one failure of an entry never happened.<br />
<br />
I also announced plans to do a vlog series where I review The Munsters Today. If you don't know about that show, it was a Munsters reboot where the family got frozen in the 60s and woke up in the 80s. They sometimes forgot that was the premise of the show. It sadly, technically, outlasted the original - only by like three episodes, but still. I'm aiming towards November on that one.<br />
<br />
So, yay! Who's excited this blog is going to update again?Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03220091590941636964noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431970554256729368.post-33478878254559257942015-01-01T18:59:00.000-08:002015-01-01T18:59:41.527-08:00Small Wonder Is Returning to Antenna TV!I know I've been gone forever, and I'm considering options for remedying that. In the meanwhile, thanks to a tip left on the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/SmallWonderReviewed?ref=bookmarks" target="_blank">Small Wonder Reviewed Facebook page</a>, I have learned that next week, <i>Small Wonder</i> returns to the airwaves. I confirmed with <a href="http://tvguide.com/">tvguide.com</a>, and it's glorious.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTQiXcGqurL3jcUh4lY873P4iIPw4cWjtbI2OHN5xM-OoFfNjEszGuke-C0kGlQn8wCkuV03Wsg7rwIin7eSZiIIWcixDRJiOn-kmY3l4lrL2sgPrOOgnVH5AViur-cD3WrEuF4MI_DEvM/s1600/IMG_20150101_184928.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTQiXcGqurL3jcUh4lY873P4iIPw4cWjtbI2OHN5xM-OoFfNjEszGuke-C0kGlQn8wCkuV03Wsg7rwIin7eSZiIIWcixDRJiOn-kmY3l4lrL2sgPrOOgnVH5AViur-cD3WrEuF4MI_DEvM/s1600/IMG_20150101_184928.jpg" height="320" width="220" /></a></div>
<br />
To find out how to watch <i>Small Wonder</i> in your area, check your local listings.Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03220091590941636964noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431970554256729368.post-72851130817398092682014-03-07T11:16:00.000-08:002014-03-07T11:16:15.981-08:00Still Sorry!I need a new laptop so badly. I think of you guys everyday, and how you're being deprived of how awesomely bad and badly awesome <i>Small Wonder</i> is. I can't make promises, and I definitely can't screencap, but I'll try to at least review the next episode soon.<br />
<br />
The reviews are the actual hard part. Is there any other <i>Small Wonder</i> content you'd like to see on this blog? Discussions or whatever? That way I can try to keep it fresh for you guys? Let me know!Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03220091590941636964noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431970554256729368.post-71358049028125892002014-02-07T09:44:00.000-08:002014-02-07T09:44:22.301-08:00I hate doing this to you guys...I don't have anything for today. I am so super sorry.<br />
<br />
As I mentioned last week, I'm having technical difficulties - I still have to screencap that episode. And I started this week's episode but stuff happened and it's not ready and I am such a heel. I'm sorry.<br />
<br />
I'll be back next week - or, at least, I should be - and hopefully we can bury this dark period where I fell behind .<br />
<br />
If you want to send me hate messages, my personal Twitter is in the sidebar. Otherwise, thank you for understanding and again, I am so sorry.Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03220091590941636964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431970554256729368.post-44567650303960614092014-01-24T05:56:00.000-08:002014-01-24T05:56:00.210-08:00Small Wonder Drinking Game Version 1<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Every so often in the reviews, I mention the things that
should be in the Small Wonder drinking game.
Now, I was a toddler when Small Wonder came out, and I’m 30 now, so I
assume most Small Wonder fans (or, haters, whichever) are old enough to
drink. I’m not responsible for your
liver or you being younger than 21, so if you try to play this game and die,
that’s not on me. Be responsible.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
I suggest that you only do this with one or two episodes
of Small Wonder at a time, or else you really will die. There are some episodes you probably
shouldn’t play this with at all. Again,
I’m not responsible for your death, alcohol poisoning, liver damage, drunken
texts, etc. if you decide to play this game.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
And notice I called it version 1. I plan on updating it every season.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b>Take A Drink</b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Character says a catchphrase. This is Joan’s “That’s cute” or “That makes
sense” or Bonnie’s “No nonono nono no no no” at this point.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->The adults make a sex joke</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->The kids make a bathroom or fart joke</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Jamie decides to use Vicki to make money</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Vicki’s panel makes an appearance (not including
the theme song, or you will die)</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Anyone makes an overtly 80s reference</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Ted or Vicki show each other a lack of affection</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Vicki says something inadvertently ominous</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Vicki’s pinafore changes between episodes</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b>Take Two Drinks</b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->The kids make a sex joke</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->The Brindles try to swindle their way into
something</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Any one of the Brindles actually say they think
Vicki might be mistreated</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Ted does something borderline sociopathic</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Vicki asserts herself</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b>Take Three Drinks<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Harriet flirts with Jamie<b><o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Anyone flirts with Vicki<b><o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Harriet spies on the Lawsons<b><o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Someone makes Vicki cry<b><o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Joan does something borderline sociopathic<b><o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b>Chug It</b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo4; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Another character borrows a catchphrase</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo4; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Ted explains something technical that doesn’t
sound real</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo4; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Ted hides his computers</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo4; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Body parts in a case</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo4; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Continuity errors within the same episode</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo4; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Joan is driven to madness</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo4; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Vicki is driven to madness</div>
Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03220091590941636964noreply@blogger.com1