We are half way through the first season! Yay! It's pretty much a downhill battle from here, because as we near the end of the first season, things become slightly less painful and the later seasons are the better ones.
The episode starts with Vicki in the kitchen making
dinner and Joan coming in to check on her.
Oh, now that Joan is an accredited teacher she’s going to start
embracing this Vicki slave thing.
Lovely. Anyway, Vicki is making
square potatoes, and when Joan questions her on it, she says they’re
geometrically perfect and they won’t roll of the plate. You know Joan, if you don’t like it, you can
make dinner yourself. Vicki is supposed
to be 10 and you’re trusting her with sharp objects. If you don’t want to cook, why can’t you
order a pizza like most normal Americans?
Ted comes in and Vicki’s actually nice to him, but Ted
blows up. This is why you guys had that
epic stare down just one episode ago, jeez.
Well, Ted just apparently had a bad day at work and needed to vent. Ted doesn’t get a promotion, which Vicki rubs
in. That’s what you get for not
recognizing the one time she’s trying to be nice to you. Brandon Brindle got the promotion over him
and now he’s Ted’s boss. And now I’m
thinking, continuity error? Because
didn’t they already say that Brandon was his boss way back in episode two? Whatever.
This show has bigger issues.
Jamie comes home and announces there’s smoke coming out
of the Brindles house, and given the timing and Ted’s reaction, I’m pretty sure
he set it on fire himself. The Lawsons
start to check it out, but Brandon comes in the back door, hacking up a lung,
announcing the house fire. Joan
complains of the smell, and Brandon says that’s Bonnie’s cooking. Oh, those dysfunctional Brindles. How are they somehow lesser than the
dysfunctional Lawsons? Oh, because Joan
can actually cook, I guess. Women,
kitchen, all that noise.
Bonnie and Harriet rush over soon after, and Harriet
brings her parrot which was actually mentioned in another episode. In less than five minutes they completely
disregard and remember continuity. I
just… I don’t even know with this show.
I need more Ted and Vicki moments.
Anyway, Joan stupidly offers to help out, and Bonnie manipulates her way
into getting the family to spend the night with the Lawsons. Brandon already lords being Ted’s boss over
his head.
At this moment, Ted notices Vicki’s square potatoes and
Joan defends them cheerfully. This episode
flip flops. Anyway, Ted wants to know
why Joan agreed to the Brindles spending the night so quickly when they might
find out about Vicki, and Joan’s like, “Look, they’re not going to find out
about Vicki, so stop using that as an excuse.
Plus, he’s mean enough to actually fire you if we say no.” Joan is smart. Ted realizes that, too, and gives in.
The Brindles are, well, the Brindles, and they swindle
their way into a dinner, and you can tell they’re trying to get into an actual
bed instead of the couch. Ted then
admits to Joan once they’re alone that he’s going to murder the Brindles.
A couple days later, the Brindles live and Jamie complains about how much time
Harriet spends in the bathroom, and Vicki reveals that Harriet makes faces at
herself in the mirror. Then she mimics
them. It’s pretty adorable. Harriet says she’s trying to look her
best. Jamie makes fun of Harriet, but
Harriet says she has everything every other woman ever had when they were
Harriet’s age – they just don’t know how it’s going to turn out yet. Well, that’s one thing the Brindles seem to
have done right, little Harriet understands her body. Harriet’s parrot repeats her, and Jamie
decides that the first compliment he’s going to give the girl is that she has a
smart parrot. Those two are getting
married one day. That’s how it
starts. You realize she can raise a good
parrot, then you’re raising good kids.
Well, it’s Jamie and Harriet – they’re either raising supervillains or
future CIA agents. Maybe it’s a good
thing the world will never know. Then
Vicki gets jealous of the parrot and shows off.
Oh, Vicki. How did Harriet not
find out Vicki sleeps in a cabinet yet?
I’m confused.
Ted doesn’t smell smoke, and so gets ready to kick the
Brindles out, but Joan is like, “Come on, let them decide to leave on their
own.” She also makes Jamie go play with
Harriet, because Joan has always been trying to hook those two up. Ted and Joan check on the Brindles, and
Bonnie spoils Joan’s book for her. Why
do you loan a book you haven’t even read yet to someone? Joan deserved that one. Sorry, Joan.
For some reason, Brandon decides to confess to insurance
fraud and Bonnie doesn’t approve.
Good! Until Brandon believes he
won’t be caught, then she wants to add something to the list. Then the Brindles decide to stay another
couple of days. That’s just how they
work. I know that’s a horrible
explanation, but there’s like no natural transitions in this episode.
Vicki and Harriet are playing checkers, and Harriet is
bored because Vicki keeps winning. She
wants to know if Vicki’s that smart or she’s that dumb, and Harriet’s own
parrot insults her. Poor kid. The parrot repeat stuff the Brindles said
about the fire, including Harriet saying that Daddy started the fire with a
cigar, even though Brandon had already told the Lawsons it was faulty
wiring. Harriet realizes she’s got a big
mouth.
Ted’s finally had enough and is going to kick Brandon
out. He doesn’t want Joan to talk him
out of it, but Joan is getting some sick pleasure out of suggesting Ted put on
his spiked golf shoes and actually kick Brandon. Damn, the Brindles broke Joan. That is something special. Ted is proud of Joan’s sadistic side and
rewards her with the most genuine hug I have ever seen. You know, if Dexter had come out in the 80s,
Dick Christie would have made a pretty good Dexter.
Ted and Joan double team the Brindles and ask them to
leave. Ted kind of suggests he wants
them to die. The Brindles take a super
long time to actually fulfill the request and try to make the Lawsons feel
bad, but Joan admits that the situation has made her mentally unsound. Bonnie decides that is a pretty good reason
to leave, though she believes that Harriet and Brandon have been insulted. Because that’s Bonnie. Brandon tries to make Ted feel shitty and
says “you better hope that faulty wiring doesn’t flare up again and kill us
all,” which wouldn’t work even if Brandon wasn’t a liar because Ted has no
human emotions. However, Jamie calls
Brandon out on his bullshit and Harriet admits her parrot confessed everything.
Ted realizes he has Brandon in a bind, so Brandon offers
him a promotion as a bribe. Ted agrees
to not tell if Brandon doesn’t turn in the list of fake items lost in the fire
and he leaves the house right now. You
have never seen the Brindles leave a place so quickly! And that’s kind of it. I feel like the Brindles and their swindle
are underutilized because that’s two episodes now where the plot of the episode
was “how do we get our neighbors out of the house,” but nothing really happens.
Firsts: we actually see Harriet’s parrot
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