Guys, there are 96 episodes of Small Wonder. Once upon a time, this was a super exciting
prospect. Now I’m on the fifteenth
episode and I can see why my friend didn’t think I’d last this long. I’m going to make it, I am, it’s just… I knew
Small Wonder was bad, but it wasn’t until I had to really concentrate on every
episode I saw how bad. I still love the
show. If I could watch it mindlessly, I
would still enjoy it, even though now a part of me is always going to notice
how much time Joan and Vicki spend in the kitchen, and how the people that are
pro-women’s and children’s rights are the characters you’re supposed to
dislike.
In some good news, at the end of the season, I am posting
the rules for the Small Wonder drinking game.
It’s one of the fun things I’m working on so I can give myself a
break between seasons so that you guys have something to enhance your own
future viewings of Small Wonder.
Anyway, enough procrastinating. I vaguely remember liking this episode, but
the fact that it’s vague and I don’t explicitly remember liking this episode
worries me. So, let’s see how crazy I go.
Surprise, surprise, we start with Vicki and Joan in the
kitchen. It’s an episode where everyone
goes camping… and, you know what, it’s not worth it. I cannot change the 80s. Vicki and Joan are baking a cake, and because
there are not enough reminders that Vicki isn’t actually human, she’s also the
timer. Joan forgets Vicki takes things
literally and tells her to put the cake down and Vicki drops it. Ted comes home and wants to know what
happened and Joan explains. She decides
to clean it up, but Ted’s like, “That’s what the slave child’s for. It’s been a whole two minutes and we haven’t
worked in a sex joke yet.”
Reggie comes over with bad news that the camping trip is
off, which ruins the Lawson’s plans of spending the whole weekend sexing it
up. I don’t see how, these are the same
people who routinely make sex jokes in front of the kids and can’t be bothered
to stop going at it when their kid walks into a room – why are they choosing
now to pretend they have shame?
Up in his room, Jamie is packing, presumably for the
camping trip but in this show, who knows?
He could be trying to run away again because his sixth sense told him
there’s no cake. Reggie tells Jamie that
the camping trip is off, and the boys are excited. They hate camping – of course they do. Camping is awesome – but in all fairness, I
grew up in the middle of nowhere and routinely explored woods just to have
something to do. The boys fake being
heartbroken, but it backfires because Ted is going to take the entire family
camping. He’s even remembering to bring
Vicki, which is impressive for Ted. I’m
honestly surprised he didn’t think he could just shut her down and stick her in
the cabinet for an entire weekend. They
also manage to make a joke about Ted’s cooking, which is crazy because, again,
Ted’s too alpha to do anything resembling “woman’s” work.
Hey, first time Vicki’s not wearing a dress and it’s not
a costume! The Lawson’s get ready for
their camping trip, and Harriet comes over.
She puts on the Brindle Swindle and gets invited to camping with the
rest of the family. They have to work in
Vicki’s BFF somehow, right? Plus, this
way, there’s exactly as many girls as boys and they’re not being sexist! Or something.
Everyone gets too lazy to get to the real campsite, so
they just set up camp wherever they ended up.
Ted reveals to Joan that they’re lost because even though he marked the
trail with popcorn, Harriet ate it. Harriet’s
a glutton now? That’s what we’re going
with? Sure, why not. The kids don’t know that they’re lost. Meanwhile, Ted has Vicki set up the tent, and
then after Harriet gets scared of a “monster”, he makes Vicki go after it. The monster ends up being a lizard, and Ted
is scared of it, too. Everyone is
screwed.
Vicki, Reggie, and Jamie go to collect wood, and Vicki
smells chili dogs. Turns out they’re
near a zoo and a snack bar, which excites the boys because they’re saved from
Ted’s cooking. Apparently, Ted does
cook that night, and it’s all burnt.
Harriet catches on that Vicki didn’t eat anything, so of course they
make up an excuse that nobody questions too hard.
While they’re trying to sleep, they clearly hear a lion
and Ted tries to say it’s crickets.
Everyone clearly sees through the bullshit. Jamie knows it’s the zoo, but Ted doesn’t let
him get a word in edgewise. Soon they
also hear monkeys and elephants, and everyone is confused. Vicki admits to the zoo, but then she rats
out Jamie and Reggie for eating chili dogs.
Ted is disappointed that he had to eat his own cooking. So now that they’re not lost, they’re excited
about the snack bar. And… episode over.
No wonder I only vaguely remembered liking the
episode. It’s not loathsome, but at the
same time – it’s not memorable. But the
Lawsons did get to spend more than half of an episode outside of the house, and I think that’s
the most so far, so maybe I just liked it for that factor.
Firsts: most
of the episode is set outside of the Lawson home, Vicki wears an outfit that
isn’t her trademarked dress
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