Season 2, Episode 12: Crazy Like a Fox

We are half way through season 2! Anyway, lets get to this episode, which I remember having no fondness for, and that’s just not a great way to start.

We start with Vicki and Jamie walking home from what appears to be the store, and I am already calling shenanigans because Jamie’s carrying the bag. He always makes Vicki do it. I’m starting to get the creeped out feeling Jamie’s been replaced with a robot child himself. A creeper is totally watching them from behind a newspaper, and I have to wonder just where in the world this grocery store is. The super shady part of town? Anyway, Jamie and Vicki pause to look at all the cool stuff in Discount Eddie’s car trunk, and that’s when the creeper pounces. His merchandise is even guaranteed for life or 30 days, whichever comes first. Dark. Jamie asks why Eddie sells things out of his car, and Eddie says he likes to keep the merchandise moving. Ha ha. I mean, I would too if - no, jumping ahead. Eddie has a radio to show the kids, but says he can’t plug it in to show them how it works. He hands it to Vicki and it instantly starts playing. That’s not how electricity works! Eddie is really confused, and Jamie says it must be the battery. Eddie says the radio doesn’t work on batteries, but Jamie mumbles that Vicki does. Smooth. Also, original point - that’s not how electricity works! They’ve always had to use Vicki’s armpit plug before - she couldn’t just touch things and make them work. Small Wonder might be getting worse. Eddie catches the comment, but Jamie and Vicki start to hurry off.

However, Eddie is not done trying to make a sale. He shows Jamie a really neat battery powered TV - the “hottest” item Eddie’s got. Jamie says he can’t afford it, but what a coincidence, Eddie is selling it for the $10.18 Jamie has left over from Joan’s grocery money. Jamie buys it, deciding he can pay Joan back with his allowance. Well, at least paying Joan back crosses his mind.

Then we make one of those weird transitions where Jamie and Vicki just walk into the back door. You know, some places that could use filler conversation just never get it. Joan and Ted both walk into the kitchen, and Ted is in his work clothes, so I’m guessing the filler conversation we missed out on was an obligatory sex joke. Ted tests out the TV, but can’t pick up a picture and Vicki helpfully points out Ted always says there’s nothing on TV. Knowing Jamie got ripped off, Ted gets the information to find Discount Eddie and talk to him himself. Also, I just noticed that the TV is a Sony Watchman with the W blacked out on the box. Why even include a box? The guy is selling “hot” items out of his trunk. Jamie apologizes about the money, but Joan decides it was worth the lesson. Wait, he’s still going to pay her back, right? Otherwise, how is he learning the lesson? Joan asks Vicki to help her make lunch and I’m totally confused about everything happening in this episode right now. What day is it? Why is Ted in a suit? What is happening? Joan gives Vicki a can to open, but it says shake well, so Vicki starts shaking. Also, this was super pointless - they could have just had the filler conversation to have a less awkward transition earlier.

In the back yard, Vicki is watching Jamie bounce on a pogo stick, and really, they’re going to have two special effects in a row? Hearing what Dick Christie and Marla Pennington have said about trying to avoid being in the shot so they didn’t have to do the special effects, I am honestly surprised Tiffany Brissette has not penned a tell all explaining how hard her Small Wonder life was. I read somewhere the dress that had the back panel and stuff weighed a lot, too. Sure enough, Jamie has Vicki take a turn and Vicki jumps right out of the backyard and lands in a tree. Then Harriet comes over and wants to know what Jamie is looking at. He says nothing as Vicki returns, covered in foliage, carrying the pogo stick. Jamie asks Vicki out of the side of his mouth if she’s okay, and she responds out of the side of her mouth that she was but she scared a woodpecker. Okay, I don’t know why I find that adorably funny, but I do. I’m being brainwashed by a show I already liked. Harriet catches on to their conversation and asks them what they’re talking about out of the side of her mouth. Side mouth talking is weird. Harriet reveals that the Brindles and the Lawsons are going to a banquet, and Harriet will be staying with Jamie and Vicki. Jamie says he’s going to watch Dracula, and tries to scare Harriet. She offers her neck. Harriet Brindle is a fangbanger. I never knew. Jamie isn’t looking to hook up with no fangbanger and he holds up his fingers in a cross. Yeah, like, seriously, slow your roll, Harriet. It is a little weird that you have a response for “what if Jamie was a vampire?”

Bonnie comes over, and Vicki repeats Jamie’s vampire act with her. Bonnie takes off running into the Lawson house. Harriet, that is a proper reaction for the Lawson kids acting weird. Not baring your neck. Learn from your mother. Also, it’s a transition that makes sense! When Bonnie runs into the kitchen, we see Joan folding towels. Bonnie says she wants to look especially beautiful for the banquet, and Joan says she does, too, and Bonnie implies Joan would need a miracle worker. Bonnie Brindle is an amazing friend.

Then we cut to Ted looking for Discount Eddie. Still? Also, transition that made no sense. Also, still? Does this episode of Small Wonder have absolutely no concept of time? Ted finds Discount Eddie and amazingly gets Jamie’s money back for the TV with very little hassle. They can even keep the broken TV! Which, actually, is a deal because you think someone who built Vicki could fix a mini-TV. But, you know, logically - not a deal. Ted says thank you and starts to leave, but Eddie is not done yet. Eddie is a scary character, when you think about it. Eddie pushes a fox stole on Ted. Ted knows he can’t afford it because it should cost like $1000, but Eddie is willing to sell it for $150. Ted then knows that it’s hot, and I’m not emphasis anymore because they are now being very open about hot meaning stolen merchandise. Ted gives in and buys it. Dude, really? It’s one thing that Jamie didn’t know hot meant stolen, but you were the one who said the stole was hot. You know better.

Joan is preparing some meal - I have no idea what is going on in this episode - when Ted comes home. Joan assumes that Ted couldn’t get the money back for the TV but Ted said he got the money back and got to keep the TV. Joan points out the TV doesn’t work, so she recognizes how that’s not a deal, but seriously - Ted can fix it, right? Then Ted presents Joan with a fur stole. She loves it, until she finds out Ted got it from Discount Eddie’s. She also figures out it’s hot, but Joan has more morals than Ted.

The kids come in, and Vicki reveals Jamie’s been teaching her to jump over the garage. She says she’s the Evil Kneval of the pogo stick. Ted lets Jamie know that Eddie said he could keep the TV, so Jamie thinks he might sell it to get ahead. His parents chide him and say that’s dishonest, but I’m saying Ted just knowingly bought a stolen fur so can we really have that talk right now? Jamie grumbles about having a TV that doesn’t work and seriously, is Ted somehow unqualified to fix TVs? He built a freaking robot child.

We cut to Jamie, Harriet, and Vicki watching Dracula. It must be a scary part because Vicki screams and Harriet cuddles Jamie. Jamie is not amused by this turn of events. Jamie said that he didn’t think vampire movies scared Harriet, and she owns up to just using it as an excuse to get her arms around him. The fact Harriet did not end up on the floor the second that confession ended is a sign of Jamie’s love for the girl. He reaches for the popcorn, which lets Harriet see the broken mini-TV. She thinks it’s adorable. Jamie decides that his parents said he couldn’t sell the TV to anyone, but it’s okay for Vicki to sell it to Harriet. I take back wondering if Jamie’s been replaced because that is definitely the son of Ted Lawson. Vicki sells the TV to Harriet for $3.

Ted comes home frustrated because Discount Eddie has already moved on and he can’t return the stole. I guess it’s the next day? Time in this episode makes no sense at all. Then like five seconds later Bonnie and Harriet barge into the Lawson kitchen and Bonnie is pissed that Vicki sold Harriet a TV that didn’t work. Pacing. Small Wonder doesn’t have it. Joan and Harriet walk off to go get Harriet’s money back, and Bonnie notices the stolen stole. Bonnie wants to buy it, but Ted comes clean about it being stolen, which Bonnie tries to ignore. Then Ted does bad sign language. That is offensive. Offensiveness has to go into the season 2 version of the drinking game. Bonnie just buys it without caring. Joan comes back and is pretty pissed that Ted sold the stole, but Bonnie owns up to the fact that she lives by her own rules. Joan tries to buy it back, but Bonnie now wants $500. Then Joan and Bonnie have a catfight in the kitchen! Small Wonder is getting real, yo! Bonnie gets away, but Joan ripped off a foot. Then Jamie reveals that he fixed the TV by plugging it into Vicki and using her as an antenna. Everyone lived happily ever after, the end.

I’m seriously so confused by this episode I don’t think I’m processing it. You think a family that just had their house robbed wouldn’t be so keen on buying hot merchandise, but whatever. In sitcomland, you do whatever situation is wackiest.