Every week we get closer and closer to the end of the
season, and I’m so excited. It’s going
to get better. This is another episode I
don’t remember, which seriously is odd.
It’s not like the last time I ran through the series was when I was a
kid; it was, like, 2011. Certain
episodes I can remember loving way back when I was 2; other episodes I can’t
remember even seeing from when I was 28.
Whatever, let’s get to it.
We start with Ted playing golf in the living room, and
Vicki enters the room and watches. Vicki
has lots of questions, like why is Ted talking to a stick and wiggling his
butt. Vicki has a smart ass moment, but
Ted just laughs to himself – he must be in a good mood. Then he gets a phone call that a really good
golf player is going to be his partner at his Sunday golf game, but then Jamie’s
like, “I have a picnic then!” Ted tries
to get Jamie to play the games at the picnic with his mother, but Jamie’s like,
“Mom can’t play basketball because she’s a lady and ladies don’t play sports!” This was years before the WNBA… and, well,
even then… still, I’m insulted. I play
basketball. Ted gets Jamie to let him
out of the picnic anyway, and Jamie decides not to go. Joan’s like, “Come on, teach me how to play
basketball” and Jamie’s like, “no” but Joan is like “please” so Jamie agrees.
Jamie starts by trying to teach Joan how to play
defense. She’s really bad at it. Jamie then tells her to play offense. You know, it’s not really Joan’s fault that
Jamie is a horrible coach. Jamie is
depressed, and inadvertently teaches Vicki how to be depressed. Then Harriet comes over and all the kids get
depressed over the fact their dads don’t love them enough. Jamie explains how his dad sucks, and Harriet
says how her dad would love her more if she was a boy. Brandon comes over and after Jamie explains
the situation, he agrees to be Jamie’s substitute dad.
Ted comes home, and Vicki bitches about how selfish he
is. Ted gets mad at Joan for using Vicki
to vent her emotions, so Joan lays into him.
Jamie comes home from school and says the teacher said it was okay if
Brandon can be his substitute dad, which upsets Ted. Ted would have been cool if it was anyone
else, but he really hates Brandon Brindle.
That’s just really unfair to Jamie, though. He didn’t ask to be a pawn in the
Lawson/Brindle wars!
Brandon and Jamie start training for the picnic. Harriet’s there being adorable – I mean, she
had one job – timing the sack race – and she couldn’t even do that. Ted comes home to see them training, and he
starts to become jealous. Joan calls him
out on it, and Ted asks who he’s jealous of.
Vicki goes all grammar Nazi on him, probably to fill time and because
she has to do it before it’s the cool thing to do online. Ted admits he’s jealous and will give up the
golf game to go with Jamie to the picnic, but Jamie tells him no. Jamie says it’s unfair to Brandon to ditch
him, which is the most Jamie’s thought of somebody who wasn’t him. Ted and Brandon start getting competitive
over Jamie’s affections, and Joan calls Ted out on being immature.
Ted is a complete sociopath, so he decides that he’s
going to cause Brandon to have a little accident so that he can’t go to the
picnic. That’s really fucked up on a lot
of levels, but Brandon wasn’t out to make Ted jealous on purpose. He just saw an opportunity to help Jamie and
have the son he never had for just one day.
It’s hard to be mad at that. Joan
tries desperately to stop Ted, but she knows she can’t, so she decides that the
best she can do is be prepared to help Brandon.
Ted’s plan backfires and he’s the one who ends up getting injured. And that’s seriously the end of the
episode. What the shit? That’s like half an episode. What happens at the picnic? Do Brandon and Ted bury the hatchet? Does Brandon make sure that Harriet knows he
still loves her very much even if she isn’t a boy? There are so many dangling threads, here. No wonder I couldn’t remember this episode. Also, there really isn't a whole lot of Vicki, and she's the main character. It's not even the first time Vicki got second fiddle on her own show - what is up with that?
Firsts: Jamie
cares about someone else’s feelings
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