I don’t remember this episode. I’m really starting to wonder about my memory skills. Anyway, we are a third of the way through season 2! Yay! Let’s get to it.
Ooh, it’s dark. Like, really dark. I think that wall is from the Lawson’s backyard, so I’m pretty sure this is the kitchen, but they couldn’t get at least a nightlight glow going on so I could see? And this guy is up to no good, breaking into the house. I think it’s a guy. It’s too dark to see.
So the guy shines the flashlight around and yes, it is the Lawson kitchen! It is Small Wonder, so it was a safe assumption. But you never know, it could be about theft in the neighborhood. This is like the worst burglar ever. He stopped to eat pie.
So the next stop on the burglar theft train is Jamie’s room, because that makes sense. Also, who leaves their house this dark when they go out? Leave a light on so you don’t bump into your furniture, and also people might think you’re home. Then he starts stealing Jamie’s toys. Why? They’re not even collectibles. Then he opens the cabinet and sees Vicki and screams. Vicki screams back.
Apparently the Lawsons went out to dinner, and this is the first time I’ve seen them exit through the garage. Convenient that they’re in the backyard. Ted’s got an upset stomach, and they spend a million years talking about it. How short was this episode running? Then Joan finally notices that the backdoor was broken into. Alpha male Ted has Joan and Jamie stay in the backyard while he checks it out. Ted has them come into the kitchen to see how burgled they were, and then he goes into the living room to check things out.
Dang, look at what happened during a part they skipped over in favor of that awesome Ted upset stomach conversation. So, Ted has them come see how burgled the living room was. Joan thinks of how lucky they were that they were all out when it happened, and Jamie reminds them that Vicki was at home. They realize their darling robot might not be safe and actually go to check on her. Aww, they love her when the plot demands it.
When they open the cabinet, Vicki screams, and the Lawsons scream in reaction. Ted asks if she’s okay, and Vicki says she’s functioning normally. I see, she’s too brave to bring up the psychological trauma. The Lawsons decide to call the police.
Joan is making a list of things that were stolen, and then Ted goes on and on about a putter. Again with nonsense filler conversation. The police officer finally shows up and reveals they only check for fingerprints in routine burglaries, and it would be different if there was a corpse. That’s what the police officer said when my house was robbed in 2001! Either Small Wonder got something right, or lazy cops stole the idea from Small Wonder. Okay, the thief apparently took the TV, and I’m calling shenanigans on that one. He did have a duffel with him, so I can see him carrying a lot of stuff, but he came in through the back, left through the front, and was startled by Vicki. Unless he noticed the child upstairs and took the TV on the way out, that involves way too many trips through the front door to steal the TV while trying to not be seen. When my house was robbed, they took the VCRs, DVD players, and videogame consoles, but they left the TVs. And Small Wonder was doing so good just a second ago.
Jamie asks if they’ll get the stuff back, and the cop says it’s not likely. The officer then asks if the Lawsons asked any of the neighbors if they saw anything, but Vicki speaks up and says she did. The officer is confused as to why Vicki was home, which the Lawsons cover up by saying she doesn’t like Mexican food. That’s not an excuse. But also, she’s 11 and it was for a few hours so it’s not a big deal. Vicki says that the thief ran out when he saw her. Then she gives a perfect description of the crook.
The police officer asks how the the crook got in, and says the lack of deadbolt made it easy. Um, no, the glass window made it easy. It’s one more step to turn the deadbolt unless you have the kind that needs a key from the inside, too, and very few people do. The police officer then suggests that they start a neighborhood watch program. He then offers to have another officer help them set it up. Then the police officer admits his own house has been hit up twice, and he has a guard dog. Yeah, and you’re also a police officer. And is everyone against security systems or something?
So the other police officer is giving tips to the neighborhood in the Lawson living room and Brandon Brindle is the only one I believe is actually from the neighborhood. She tells them to make it hard for the thief by putting up a neighborhood watch sign. How does that make it hard? That just tells them to be on the look out for people on the look out. She also tells them to put their lights on an automatic timer. Um, that’s exactly the kind of thing the Wet Bandits cased a neighborhood for in Home Alone. Get a security system. Then she gives some good tips, like don’t leave your newspapers all over your yard when you’re gone and don’t hide your spare key in obvious places. Then she quizzes the neighbors and apparently, if there’s an unfamiliar car in the neighborhood, you call neighborhood watch patrol and keep an eye on it. Apparently, people never get new neighbors or guests or even new cars. That sounds like a lot of work. Then Brandon admits he has a gun. Let's not get into super heavy issues, but I think we can all agree Brandon Brindle is the last person on Earth who needs to own a gun. He’s also the only neighbor to not join neighborhood watch. Again, I don’t think those other neighbors are neighbors and one of them is going to rob him blind.
Ted puts on the deadbolt and asks Joan to fool around, but Jamie walked into the kitchen. Apparently, if you go half way through an episode without making a sex joke you can just have the adult characters semi-discuss it. Jamie wants to show them something in the living room, and that something is Vicki with a siren on her head. He turned her into a security system. Jamie Lawson is the one who makes sense in this whole entire episode. Jamie Lawson. Shenanigans!
Jamie has Ted pretend to be a burglar, and when he comes in through the window Vicki sounds off an alarm and then flips Ted over the couch. Again, Jamie Lawson thought of this. Did I start watching a different show?
Then Harriet and Brandon come over. Brandon notices the deadbolt, but that conversation lasts one line. Oh, now they don’t have filler conversations. He actually had a purpose for coming over. Bonnie’s out bowling and he has a lodge meeting, and Harriet’s sitter called in sick, so he asks if they could watch Harriet. Oh, so his house is going to be empty, huh? The Lawsons agree and say for Harriet to come back after dinner, but Harriet Brindle Swindles herself a dinner invite when she finds out they’re having pizza.
Jamie and Vicki are going through the neighborhood watch brochure when Harriet comes over. Then a meter man comes over, but he’s a stranger so Vicki asks him to identify himself. Jamie seems apalled by this behavior, but dude, it was your idea. The meter man does not identify himself, so Vicki tosses him on his back. The meter man is so freaked out by Vicki, the Lawsons get a free month of electricity. Awesome sauce!
Ted is programming the entire house to be on a timer. It backfires. I’m surprised this man invented Vicki. Then Brandon comes over, excited because he won some election at his lodge. The police suddenly swarm, and the police officer says a thief was caught trying to break into the Brindle home. Brandon tries to say that the police have everything covered so neighborhood watch is dumb, but the police officer says neighborhood watch reported the robbery in the first place. The thief also stole Brandon’s gun, and it turns out he really is every bit the incompetent gun owner I pictured. But Vicki solves that problem and breaks the gun. The end.
This episode got a few things right, I guess, but it was kind of a chore. Too many filler conversations.